Chapter 3 · Rules Broken, Hearts Found

u/GoldOctane818:

UPDATE<!

2.3k

v/love_help · Posted by u/GoldOctane818 6 hours ago.

UPDATE:

I (26M) invited my hookup (26M) to my home.

I have ruined everything.

Some of you may remember my post from a few weeks ago about inviting the man I have been sleeping with for six years to my actual home for the first time.

Many of you gave advice.

Some of it was good.

Some of you told me to "just use words" and I ignored you because I knew better than you.

This was, as it turns out, a mistake.

Here is what happened.

I invited him in November, and he came.

He was confused at first at the invite because he is in my city and usually that means I go to him in his hotel, which was already a bad sign because it meant he thought the hotel was fine, which it was NOT, because hotels are for strangers and I have known this man for years and have memorized the freckle pattern on his nose.

I cooked for him.

Several of you suggested tuna melts, and one person called it "the least sexy food imaginable," which I took as a challenge.

I made tuna melts.

They were good.

He ate two of them and smiled with his mouth full, and I have thought about that smile every single day since.

I also bought his favorite drink.

It is a specific brand of Dominionian ginger ale that I would never in my life purchase for myself because it is for children.

I put it in my fridge two days before he came over so it would be cold.

When he opened the fridge and saw it, he said, "Oh, you had this?"

YES.

I HAD IT.

I WENT TO A STORE.

I PURCHASED IT.

FOR YOU.

DO YOU THINK THE GINGER ALE FAIRY VISITED?

I do not buy ginger ale.

I buy wine that costs more than his car.

But fine.

I let that go, because the rest of the day was perfect.

We sat on my couch and watched a hockey game.

We talked for three hours about cities we like, things that happened at work that week, which coworkers annoy us.

He told me about his best friend's five hundred kids.

I told him about my cars.

He made fun of all my cars.

I made fun of his singular car, which is a Ford Explorer, which is a vehicle for dads in suburbs and not for a man who earns what he earns.

We argued about this for twenty minutes and it was the happiest I have been in recent memory.

I tried to find out if he sees women, too, to get a better idea about what things were between us.

I told him about a girl I used to sleep with in one city to try and make it easier, and asked if he liked girls.

He said "of course" in the least convincing way a human being has ever said two words.

Then I told him I like girls but I also like him.

He said "lucky me" like I had insulted him.

I was trying to tell him I am bisexual and also interested in him specifically and he reacted like I had complained about the weather.

The point is: this was not a hookup.

This was not casual.

A blind person could see what this was.

I was trying to explain when I got a phone call from family for issues that I had to handle.

I will not go into this, but when I returned to him, the moment for telling him that I was asking because I want him had passed and I did not know how to get back to it without tangling it up with how I was already feeling.

Then we had sex.

And this is where it fell apart.

I mentioned in the last post that we have rules.

Here is one of them: last names only.

For six years I have followed this.

But I was—look.

He was on top of me.

He was doing this thing with his hips.

I lost focus.

It came out before I could stop it.

His first name.

I said his first name and I broke the rule because of some reason I do not know, I wish I knew.

I broke it because it wanted it to be broken, maybe.

He froze.

Then he said my first name back.

And then he looked at me like I had pulled a pin from a grenade.

He finished.

Then he panicked.

I could see it happen in real time, like watching a car crash.

He said he forgot about a meeting.

This man does not forget meetings.

He has never once in his life forgotten a meeting.

He is the most organized, controlled, disciplined person I have ever met and he had to know that I knew he was lying, even as he left wearing my shirt because he could not find his own in his panic.

He forgot even his underwear.

I can not bring myself to text him, either, to make things worse.

Thank you for the tuna melt suggestion.

He loved them.

I hope that knowledge haunts you as much as it haunts me.

87 comments Share Save Hide Report 92% Upvoted

VikingTitans · 5 hours ago

Dude, at some point you have to ask yourself: if this guy has missed every signal for six years, maybe he's not missing them.

Maybe he's ignoring them because he doesn't feel the same way.

Maybe he feels nothing and it's just sex.

He feels.

I know this.

How can you be so sure he feels anything at all?

Because he said my name back.

3.1k points Reply Share Report Save

Okay.

Let me walk through this because I think you're catastrophizing.You cooked for him.

You had his drink.

You sat on your couch for three hours and talked about your lives.

You used his first name during sex for the first time in six years, and he said yours back.

Then he panicked and left.You're reading this as "I ruined everything." I'm reading this as "he felt it too, and it terrified him." Those are very different problems.

One is unsolvable.

The other takes time.

2.8k points Reply Share Report Save

This does not look like a man who "felt it too." This looks like a man fleeing a crime scene.

People don't flee from things that don't matter to them.

3.4k points Reply Share Report Save

I need to think about this.

frankly_fiona · 3 hours ago

Take your time, honey.

He clearly needs time too.

dimsum_is_a_myth · 4 hours ago

Bro you didn't ruin anything.

You detonated a wall and he's standing in the rubble trying to figure out why there's sunlight where there didn't used to be.

This is a very poetic way of telling me I am fucked.

dimsum_is_a_myth · 3 hours ago

You're not fucked.

You're at the part of the story where everything looks bad but it's actually the turning point.

I've seen enough rom-coms to know.

934 points Reply Share Report Save

My life is not a romantic comedy.

My life is a tragedy in which I am very attractive and also suffering.

2.9k points Reply Share Report Save

BirchSyrupRigger · 4 hours ago

I suggested the tuna melts.

I accept full responsibility for what has happened here and I would like to state for the record that I did not anticipate the tuna melts would lead to an emotional catastrophe.

In my defense, they are very easy to make.

They were and they were good

Are you dense?

Let me get this timeline straight.

You have been sleeping with a man for SIX YEARS.

You have never told him you have feelings.

He panicked when intimacy got real and your response was to... sit alone in your apartment being mad at him for not reading your mind?

My brother in Christ.

You are BOTH the stupid one.And I want to focus on something you skipped over.

You said you asked him about women and you told him you're bi but you still like him and you also asked if he liked women?

The fuck?

How was he supposed to hear that other than "you're not special, I like everyone"?

Maybe you meant "I'm telling you who I am" and were trying to feel him out but that was a dumbass way to do it.You two are speaking completely different languages and neither of you is translating.Edit: Whoever gave me gold for yelling at this man: thank you, I will use this power irresponsibly.

3.2k points Reply Share Report Save

I am not stupid.

I am very intelligent.

I speak multiple languages.

CroissantQueen_HCT · 2 hours ago

And in how many of those languages have you said "I like you more than just for sex" to this man?

4.1k points Reply Share Report Save

GoldOctane818 OP · 2 hours ago

I am reporting you to the Admins

MidnightBrowser88 · 3 hours ago

"I said his first name and I broke the rule because of some reason I do not know, I wish I knew.

I broke it because it wanted it to be broken, maybe."I'm going to lie on the floor now.

Does anyone need anything while I'm down here.I hope you're okay, OP.

sarah_with_the_great_hair · 2 hours ago

Already there.

Brought snacks.

purged_my_ex · 2 hours ago

Room for one more?

I'm emotionally compromised.

645 points Reply Share Report Save

3.5k points Reply Share Report Save

Chapter 3

u/GoldOctane818:

UPDATE<!

2.3k

v/love_help · Posted by u/GoldOctane818 6 hours ago.

UPDATE:

I (26M) invited my hookup (26M) to my home.

I have ruined everything.

Some of you may remember my post from a few weeks ago about inviting the man I have been sleeping with for six years to my actual home for the first time.

Many of you gave advice.

Some of it was good.

Some of you told me to "just use words" and I ignored you because I knew better than you.

This was, as it turns out, a mistake.

Here is what happened.

I invited him in November, and he came.

I cooked for him.

Several of you suggested tuna melts, and one person called it "the least sexy food imaginable," which I took as a challenge.

I made tuna melts.

They were good.

He ate two of them and smiled with his mouth full, and I have thought about that smile every single day since.

I also bought his favorite drink.

It is a specific brand of Dominionian ginger ale that I would never in my life purchase for myself because it is for children.

I put it in my fridge two days before he came over so it would be cold.

When he opened the fridge and saw it, he said, "Oh, you had this?"

YES.

I HAD IT.

I WENT TO A STORE.

I PURCHASED IT.

FOR YOU.

DO YOU THINK THE GINGER ALE FAIRY VISITED?

I do not buy ginger ale.

I buy wine that costs more than his car.

But fine.

I let that go, because the rest of the day was perfect.

We sat on my couch and watched a hockey game.

We talked for three hours about cities we like, things that happened at work that week, which coworkers annoy us.

He told me about his best friend's five hundred kids.

I told him about my cars.

He made fun of all my cars.

I made fun of his singular car, which is a Ford Explorer, which is a vehicle for dads in suburbs and not for a man who earns what he earns.

We argued about this for twenty minutes and it was the happiest I have been in recent memory.

I tried to find out if he sees women, too, to get a better idea about what things were between us.

I told him about a girl I used to sleep with in one city to try and make it easier, and asked if he liked girls.

He said "of course" in the least convincing way a human being has ever said two words.

Then I told him I like girls but I also like him.

He said "lucky me" like I had insulted him.

I was trying to tell him I am bisexual and also interested in him specifically and he reacted like I had complained about the weather.

The point is: this was not a hookup.

This was not casual.

A blind person could see what this was.

I was trying to explain when I got a phone call from family for issues that I had to handle.

Then we had sex.

And this is where it fell apart.

I mentioned in the last post that we have rules.

Here is one of them: last names only.

For six years I have followed this.

But I was—look.

He was on top of me.

He was doing this thing with his hips.

I lost focus.

It came out before I could stop it.

His first name.

I said his first name and I broke the rule because of some reason I do not know, I wish I knew.

I broke it because it wanted it to be broken, maybe.

He froze.

Then he said my first name back.

And then he looked at me like I had pulled a pin from a grenade.

He finished.

Then he panicked.

I could see it happen in real time, like watching a car crash.

He said he forgot about a meeting.

This man does not forget meetings.

He has never once in his life forgotten a meeting.

He is the most organized, controlled, disciplined person I have ever met and he had to know that I knew he was lying, even as he left wearing my shirt because he could not find his own in his panic.

He forgot even his underwear.

I can not bring myself to text him, either, to make things worse.

Thank you for the tuna melt suggestion.

He loved them.

I hope that knowledge haunts you as much as it haunts me.

87 comments Share Save Hide Report 92% Upvoted

VikingTitans · 5 hours ago

Dude, at some point you have to ask yourself: if this guy has missed every signal for six years, maybe he's not missing them.

Maybe he's ignoring them because he doesn't feel the same way.

Maybe he feels nothing and it's just sex.

He feels.

I know this.

How can you be so sure he feels anything at all?

Because he said my name back.

3.1k points Reply Share Report Save

Okay.

Let me walk through this because I think you're catastrophizing.You cooked for him.

You had his drink.

You sat on your couch for three hours and talked about your lives.

You used his first name during sex for the first time in six years, and he said yours back.

Then he panicked and left.You're reading this as "I ruined everything." I'm reading this as "he felt it too, and it terrified him." Those are very different problems.

One is unsolvable.

The other takes time.

2.8k points Reply Share Report Save

This does not look like a man who "felt it too." This looks like a man fleeing a crime scene.

People don't flee from things that don't matter to them.

3.4k points Reply Share Report Save

I need to think about this.

frankly_fiona · 3 hours ago

Take your time, honey.

He clearly needs time too.

dimsum_is_a_myth · 4 hours ago

Bro you didn't ruin anything.

You detonated a wall and he's standing in the rubble trying to figure out why there's sunlight where there didn't used to be.

This is a very poetic way of telling me I am fucked.

dimsum_is_a_myth · 3 hours ago

You're not fucked.

You're at the part of the story where everything looks bad but it's actually the turning point.

I've seen enough rom-coms to know.

934 points Reply Share Report Save

My life is not a romantic comedy.

My life is a tragedy in which I am very attractive and also suffering.

2.9k points Reply Share Report Save

BirchSyrupRigger · 4 hours ago

I suggested the tuna melts.

I accept full responsibility for what has happened here and I would like to state for the record that I did not anticipate the tuna melts would lead to an emotional catastrophe.

In my defense, they are very easy to make.

They were and they were good

Are you dense?

Let me get this timeline straight.

You have been sleeping with a man for SIX YEARS.

You have never told him you have feelings.

He panicked when intimacy got real and your response was to... sit alone in your apartment being mad at him for not reading your mind?

My brother in Christ.

You are BOTH the stupid one.And I want to focus on something you skipped over.

You said you asked him about women and you told him you're bi but you still like him and you also asked if he liked women?

The fuck?

How was he supposed to hear that other than "you're not special, I like everyone"?

3.2k points Reply Share Report Save

I am not stupid.

I am very intelligent.

I speak multiple languages.

CroissantQueen_HCT · 2 hours ago

And in how many of those languages have you said "I like you more than just for sex" to this man?

4.1k points Reply Share Report Save

GoldOctane818 OP · 2 hours ago

I am reporting you to the Admins

MidnightBrowser88 · 3 hours ago

"I said his first name and I broke the rule because of some reason I do not know, I wish I knew.

I broke it because it wanted it to be broken, maybe."I'm going to lie on the floor now.

Does anyone need anything while I'm down here.I hope you're okay, OP.

sarah_with_the_great_hair · 2 hours ago

Already there.

Brought snacks.

purged_my_ex · 2 hours ago

Room for one more?

I'm emotionally compromised.

645 points Reply Share Report Save

3.5k points Reply Share Report Save