Chapter 1 · Rules Broken, Hearts Found

Chapter 1

u/GoldOctane818<!

v/love_help · Posted by u/GoldOctane818 8 hours ago.

I (26M) want to invite man I sleep with (26M) to my house.

Help me not ruin it.

Relationships

Background.

I have been hooking up with this guy for six years.

We work in the same competitive field, different organizations.

We are technically rivals.

We meet when we are in the same city for work, which happens maybe once a month.

Sometimes more, sometimes less.

We have rules.

Last names only.

Always hotels or his fuck condo, never mine when he is in my city.

We can see other people.

We cannot be seen together, ever.

These rules were not written down.

We are not children with chore chart.

They developed over time, and I have been following them like a good boy for six years because I thought they were keeping us safe.

The problem is I do not want to follow the rules anymore.

I have feelings for this man.

It is like having a stone in my shoe I cannot shake out.

I have had feelings for a while.

Probably years if I am honest, which I am trying to be right now, and it is very uncomfortable.

He is terribly not funny.

His jokes are what you find in a Christmas cracker.

And yet, I laugh.

It is humiliating.

He is the only person in my field who can keep up with me (he would argue that I am the one keeping up with him, and he would be wrong).

He has dark hair and freckles across his nose in a pattern I have memorized and I think about his face when I am trying to fall asleep.

This is not normal for me.

I am a man with plenty of options.

I am very attractive.

This is not arrogance, it is a fact.

And yet the only person I want is this freckled idiot who drives the most boring car on planet earth and goes to bed at 9pm.

He will be in my city next week for work.

Usually we would meet at a hotel.

But I want to invite him to my house for the first time.

My actual home where I live.

The thing is, I cannot say "I have feelings for you, this is a date."

If I tell him directly, he will either panic or not believe me, because this man is the most oblivious human being alive.

He once told me I was "funny" and I nearly drove my car into a wall.

I want to make him dinner.

I am not a good cook.

I am, in fact, a terrible cook.

I need ideas for what to make, and they must be simple because he is a simple creature.

I also know his favorite drink.

I plan to buy it and have it in my fridge for him.

My plan is: invite him over, cook for him, have his drink ready, sit on the couch, talk, and let whatever happens happen naturally.

Maybe he will stay the night.

Maybe I will finally get to wake up next to him.

I have never done that.

Six years and I have never once opened my eyes in the morning and seen him there in the dawn.

I did not realize that was a problem until it became one.

He is the source of all my fucking problems.

My question for this subvox:

What else can I do to make this work?

Does anyone have suggestions for a simple dish that is hard to fuck up?

I cannot do anything that requires more than four steps.

I will burn it or set off the smoke alarm and then I will have to explain to my neighbours why there is smoke pouring out of the windows and I will not be able to do that because I will be too busy dying of embarrassment.

Help me not ruin it all.

Or don't.

I will probably manage anyway.

English is not my first language.

If my grammar is wrong, I do not care.

EDIT: To the person who said "just tell him how you feel" — I have considered this.

I have rejected it.

He would combust.

You do not understand.

This man once had to leave the room because I complimented him.

If I say "I have feelings for you" while we are alone in my home he will set off my fire alarm with the friction of how fast he runs out the door.

EDIT 2: Really.

You are all hanging noodles on my ears.

You say 'be yourself,' but if I am myself, he will leave and I will be alone

EDIT 3: Hanging noodles means to lie or pull a prank!

No there are not actual noodles!

40 comments Share Save Hide Report 68% Upvoted

What are your thoughts?

Sort by relevance

BirchSyrupRigger · 7 hours ago

Cook for him.

I'm serious.

It doesn't have to be good.

The fact that you tried will say more than you think.

Tuna melts are easy—canned tuna, mayo, shredded cheese, toast it open-faced in the oven.

Nobody fucks up a tuna melt.

1.2k points Reply Share Report Save

GoldOctane818 OP · 7 hours ago

I like your username but tuna sandwich sounds the opposite of attractive meal

743 points Reply Share Report Save

DM_me_your_red_banners · 7 hours ago

You said four steps max, my guy.

You're not getting beef Wellington out of a four step limit.

689 points Reply Share Report Save

GoldOctane818 OP · 6 hours ago

Fine.

I will make the tuna melt.

If this ruins everything I am blaming you specifically.

921 points Reply Share Report Save

goofygoobergiggles · 6 hours ago

also its good because if he still wants you after you make him a TUNA MELT for your first sleepover you can confirm he has feelings for you, because c'mon. tuna breath sex?

... you GOTTA be in love.

BirchSyrupRigger · 6 hours ago

RemindMe! 1 month "did the tuna melt guy get the man"

445 points Reply Share Report Save

ChefDave_NoNotHim · 8 hours ago

OP, if you're seriously this worried about setting off a smoke alarm with a sandwich, please just watch this.

It's the law that every single guy who can't cook has to start here.

Just do exactly what the loud British man says.

2.1k points Reply

Wake up the misses and give it to her in bed - the breakfast. LOL.

I like his technique, he does not waste time.

But eggs are for breakfast and training recovery.

I am making a dinner.

I will stick to the tuna melt.

Perhaps I will give it to him in bed next day if he stays

1.4k points Reply

DM_ME_UR_RED_BANNERS · 7 hours ago

"I am a man with plenty of options.

This is not arrogance, it is a fact."I believe you, king.

But I am going to need you to understand that you are not the main character of a movie right now, you don't need to plan the perfect night like this is a RomCom.

Just be honest and make dinner.

Use actual words.

"I like you" has three words and zero steps.

Easier than any recipe.

1.5k points Reply Share Report Save

I am ALWAYS the main character.

This is not relevant but I need you to know this.

I am in top 5 hottest men in my field.

1.1k points Reply Share Report Save

ChardonnayAuntSally · 6 hours ago

The fact that you felt the need to rank your own attractiveness is wild

534 points Reply Share Report Save

It is context.

I am establishing that I could have anyone.

I do not want anyone.

I want this specific boring idiot.

This is the tragedy.

1.8k points Reply Share Report Save

ChardonnayAuntSally · 5 hours ago

"This is the tragedy" please someone get this man a book deal

678 points Reply Share Report Save

JadeSpecter · 6 hours ago

Where does your situationship rank in hotness for your field?

312 points Reply Share Report Save

He is number 1.

People, including me, agree.

Many people.

Magazines have agreed.

2.1k points Reply Share Report Save

OneDayAtATime_90 · 6 hours ago

Don't jump straight to a full weekend.

That's high pressure for a six-year "hotel-only" habit.

Invite him over for a "pre-game" dinner or a specific event on a Friday night.

If the vibe stays good, suggest he stays over because "it's late." It gives you both an out if the "domestic" reality hits too hard.

412 points Reply Share

GoldOctane818 OP · 5 hours ago

I do not want an "out." I want him in my bed for forty-eight hours.

1.8k points Reply

OneDayAtATime_90 · 5 hours ago

48 hours?

OP, what the fuck do you plan on doing to this man?

He's going to need an IV drip by Sunday.

Chapter 1

u/GoldOctane818<!

v/love_help · Posted by u/GoldOctane818 8 hours ago.

I (26M) want to invite man I sleep with (26M) to my house.

Help me not ruin it.

Relationships

Background.

I have been hooking up with this guy for six years.

We work in the same competitive field, different organizations.

We are technically rivals.

We meet when we are in the same city for work, which happens maybe once a month.

Sometimes more, sometimes less.

We have rules.

Last names only.

Always hotels or his fuck condo, never mine when he is in my city.

We can see other people.

We cannot be seen together, ever.

These rules were not written down.

We are not children with chore chart.

They developed over time, and I have been following them like a good boy for six years because I thought they were keeping us safe.

The problem is I do not want to follow the rules anymore.

I have feelings for this man.

It is like having a stone in my shoe I cannot shake out.

I have had feelings for a while.

Probably years if I am honest, which I am trying to be right now, and it is very uncomfortable.

He is terribly not funny.

His jokes are what you find in a Christmas cracker.

And yet, I laugh.

It is humiliating.

He is the only person in my field who can keep up with me (he would argue that I am the one keeping up with him, and he would be wrong).

He has dark hair and freckles across his nose in a pattern I have memorized and I think about his face when I am trying to fall asleep.

This is not normal for me.

I am a man with plenty of options.

I am very attractive.

This is not arrogance, it is a fact.

And yet the only person I want is this freckled idiot who drives the most boring car on planet earth and goes to bed at 9pm.

He will be in my city next week for work.

Usually we would meet at a hotel.

But I want to invite him to my house for the first time.

My actual home where I live.

The thing is, I cannot say "I have feelings for you, this is a date."

If I tell him directly, he will either panic or not believe me, because this man is the most oblivious human being alive.

He once told me I was "funny" and I nearly drove my car into a wall.

I want to make him dinner.

I am not a good cook.

I am, in fact, a terrible cook.

I need ideas for what to make, and they must be simple because he is a simple creature.

I also know his favorite drink.

I plan to buy it and have it in my fridge for him.

My plan is: invite him over, cook for him, have his drink ready, sit on the couch, talk, and let whatever happens happen naturally.

Maybe he will stay the night.

Maybe I will finally get to wake up next to him.

I have never done that.

Six years and I have never once opened my eyes in the morning and seen him there in the dawn.

I did not realize that was a problem until it became one.

He is the source of all my fucking problems.

My question for this subvox:

What else can I do to make this work?

Does anyone have suggestions for a simple dish that is hard to fuck up?

I cannot do anything that requires more than four steps.

Help me not ruin it all.

Or don't.

I will probably manage anyway.

English is not my first language.

If my grammar is wrong, I do not care.

EDIT: To the person who said "just tell him how you feel" — I have considered this.

I have rejected it.

He would combust.

You do not understand.

This man once had to leave the room because I complimented him.

If I say "I have feelings for you" while we are alone in my home he will set off my fire alarm with the friction of how fast he runs out the door.

EDIT 2: Really.

You are all hanging noodles on my ears.

You say 'be yourself,' but if I am myself, he will leave and I will be alone

EDIT 3: Hanging noodles means to lie or pull a prank!

No there are not actual noodles!

40 comments Share Save Hide Report 68% Upvoted

What are your thoughts?

Sort by relevance

BirchSyrupRigger · 7 hours ago

Cook for him.

I'm serious.

It doesn't have to be good.

The fact that you tried will say more than you think.

Tuna melts are easy—canned tuna, mayo, shredded cheese, toast it open-faced in the oven.

Nobody fucks up a tuna melt.

1.2k points Reply Share Report Save

GoldOctane818 OP · 7 hours ago

I like your username but tuna sandwich sounds the opposite of attractive meal

743 points Reply Share Report Save

DM_me_your_red_banners · 7 hours ago

You said four steps max, my guy.

You're not getting beef Wellington out of a four step limit.

689 points Reply Share Report Save

GoldOctane818 OP · 6 hours ago

Fine.

I will make the tuna melt.

If this ruins everything I am blaming you specifically.

921 points Reply Share Report Save

goofygoobergiggles · 6 hours ago

also its good because if he still wants you after you make him a TUNA MELT for your first sleepover you can confirm he has feelings for you, because c'mon. tuna breath sex?

... you GOTTA be in love.

BirchSyrupRigger · 6 hours ago

RemindMe! 1 month "did the tuna melt guy get the man"

445 points Reply Share Report Save

ChefDave_NoNotHim · 8 hours ago

OP, if you're seriously this worried about setting off a smoke alarm with a sandwich, please just watch this.

It's the law that every single guy who can't cook has to start here.

Just do exactly what the loud British man says.

2.1k points Reply

Wake up the misses and give it to her in bed - the breakfast. LOL.

I like his technique, he does not waste time.

But eggs are for breakfast and training recovery.

I am making a dinner.

I will stick to the tuna melt.

Perhaps I will give it to him in bed next day if he stays

1.4k points Reply

DM_ME_UR_RED_BANNERS · 7 hours ago

"I am a man with plenty of options.

This is not arrogance, it is a fact."I believe you, king.

But I am going to need you to understand that you are not the main character of a movie right now, you don't need to plan the perfect night like this is a RomCom.

Just be honest and make dinner.

Use actual words.

"I like you" has three words and zero steps.

Easier than any recipe.

1.5k points Reply Share Report Save

I am ALWAYS the main character.

This is not relevant but I need you to know this.

I am in top 5 hottest men in my field.

1.1k points Reply Share Report Save

ChardonnayAuntSally · 6 hours ago

The fact that you felt the need to rank your own attractiveness is wild

534 points Reply Share Report Save

It is context.

I am establishing that I could have anyone.

I do not want anyone.

I want this specific boring idiot.

This is the tragedy.

1.8k points Reply Share Report Save

ChardonnayAuntSally · 5 hours ago

"This is the tragedy" please someone get this man a book deal

678 points Reply Share Report Save

JadeSpecter · 6 hours ago

Where does your situationship rank in hotness for your field?

312 points Reply Share Report Save

He is number 1.

People, including me, agree.

Many people.

Magazines have agreed.

2.1k points Reply Share Report Save

OneDayAtATime_90 · 6 hours ago

Don't jump straight to a full weekend.

That's high pressure for a six-year "hotel-only" habit.

Invite him over for a "pre-game" dinner or a specific event on a Friday night.

If the vibe stays good, suggest he stays over because "it's late." It gives you both an out if the "domestic" reality hits too hard.

412 points Reply Share

GoldOctane818 OP · 5 hours ago

I do not want an "out." I want him in my bed for forty-eight hours.

1.8k points Reply

OneDayAtATime_90 · 5 hours ago

48 hours?

OP, what the fuck do you plan on doing to this man?

He's going to need an IV drip by Sunday.