Don't Make Me @ You

Synopsis

The chaos started, as it so often does, with a message that dropped into the company-wide Slack channel. Kevin Miller types: [Huge news! Your boy Kevin is getting hitched next Saturday!] [Here's a quick rundown of how you can help: 1. The Gift: The registry is simple: Venmo me $500. Let's be real, anything less is just awkward for everyone. No pressure, but you know the rules.] [2.The Cars: Wedding Convoy Crew! If you drive a luxury car (think $70,000), I need you in the office parking lot at 2:00 AM next Saturday. We're short about 10 cars. Gas is on you, obviously.] [3.The Bridesmaids: Bridesmaid tryouts! To all the single ladies: my fiancée and I are casting four bridesmaids. DM me two recent, non-work pics. Must be at least 5'5" and, you know, photogenic. We want the wedding album to pop.] [4.The Venue: We need to borrow a nice, newlywed-ish apartment for photos and prep. Our place is a shithole. Who's got one we can use for the weekend?] [5. The Deadline: My Venmo is @KevinTiesTheKnot. Send the cash now so that I don't have to start calling people out.] To make it worse, he then started tagging people directly in the thread. And of course, I was first. Kevin typed: [Leah Woods, you're cute. You get first priority for the bridesmaid pics.] He then tagged Helen Davis as he demanded: [Helen! Congrats on the new condo. We'll need the keys from Friday to Sunday.] And finally, he twisted the knife on the newest member of our team, typing: [Brian Miller! Your BMW 3-series barely makes the cut, but we'll take it. 2 AM. Don't be late.]