Chapter 4 · At Twenty, I Became A Royal Widow

It was Christmas Eve after all, and even the royal family kept up appearances of harmony tonight.

Adrian was entertaining some guests with stories about Valois, so I turned and slipped out of the Great Hall.

The cold air was supposed to clear my head, but somehow it just made the wine-induced fog even thicker.

I pulled my cloak tighter around myself.

I rarely got drunk, honestly. Nolan was a heavy drinker, and I'd picked up plenty of his bad habits growing up in his arms.

After I married Lionel, I'd been happy to play the part of a proper, virtuous lady. But now there was no need for that anymore.

Time really did fly. It had been almost two years since he died.

And I hadn't lost my mind.

Just the other day, Iris was fitting me for new dresses and mentioned I'd gained a couple of pounds.

For a widow, I was doing well for myself. People might talk.

The thought made me smile a little.

I heard soft footsteps behind me and turned to see Adrian's figure approaching.

His eyes held such a heavy sadness that I blinked and looked again, sure I was imagining things.

He just stood there, watching me quietly.

"Adrian," I said, turning to greet.

"No need for formalities," he replied. Even his tone reminded me of Lionel, warm and reassuring.

"What bring you out here?"

Adrian took a step closer and asked, "And what about you, Lila?"

"I had too much to drink," I said. "Just needed some air to clear my head."

Adrian stood beside me and suddenly said, "I'm sorry."

I knew this moment was coming. My husband died on his watch, and he couldn't escape responsibility for that.

If I were the hysterical type, I should probably grab him by the collar right now and demand he bring my husband back.

But their family wasn't like other royal households. The brothers actually got along, and Lionel had mentioned more than once how brave and unbeatable Adrian was.

I didn't want to embarrass him.

So I shook my head and told him not to blame himself. "It was an accident. Nobody wanted this to happen."

Adrian didn't say anything more after that, but he reached into his coat and pulled out a brooch, then handed it to me.

I looked at him, confused.

He said, "Lionel bought this for you. He said it was for your birthday."

Something flickered in my eyes, and I managed a small smile.

"I see." The brooch wasn't made of anything fancy, but the carved bell on it was incredibly detailed. Lionel always knew precisely what I liked.

I looked up at Adrian. "Thank you."

He'd left in May, and my birthday was in September.

We'd agreed that he'd finish his business in two or three months and come right back, so he wouldn't miss celebrating with me.

But all that came back was news of his death.

Now this late-birthday gift had finally made it home, too.

But Lionel still hadn't.

I looked down and carefully traced my fingers over the brooch, terrified I might somehow wear it away to nothing.

After a long silence, I looked up and asked, "When he died, did it hurt?"

Iris had told me an arrow pierced his heart, and he was a scholarly prince with no strength to defend himself, so with such a severe wound, the pain must have been unbearable.

Adrian's eyes filled with sorrow. "He—"

"Never mind." I cut him off. "Don't tell me, Adrian. I don't want to know."

If his death was gruesome, I'd have nightmares and wake up with my pillow soaked in tears.

Iris was already worried enough about my sleepless nights that she wanted to call the royal physician.

I didn't want to give anyone more reasons to worry about me.

I tucked the brooch into my sleeve and smiled with a slight nod. "Thank you, Adrian. If there's nothing else, I should go inside now."

I turned to leave, but Prince Adrian suddenly grabbed my sleeve. "Wait."

The gesture was rather improper.

When he saw me frown, he quickly let go.

"Forgive me." He clasped his hands behind his back and lowered his gaze, taking a long moment before he spoke slowly. "Please take care of yourself, Lila. If Lionel's soul is watching over you, he wouldn't want to see you so heartbroken."

I asked quietly, "Wouldn't he?"

Adrian froze.

If Lionel truly cared about my grief, he wouldn't have died so easily.

Even if he had to crawl, he should have crawled back to see me.

But where was he now?

When someone dies, they're gone. There are no souls, no spirits watching from above. Those comforting words about the departed are just lies the living tell themselves.

I turned and walked away.

Chapter 4

It was Christmas Eve after all, and even the royal family kept up appearances of harmony tonight.

Adrian was entertaining some guests with stories about Valois, so I turned and slipped out of the Great Hall.

The cold air was supposed to clear my head, but somehow it just made the wine-induced fog even thicker.

I pulled my cloak tighter around myself.

I rarely got drunk, honestly. Nolan was a heavy drinker, and I'd picked up plenty of his bad habits growing up in his arms.

After I married Lionel, I'd been happy to play the part of a proper, virtuous lady. But now there was no need for that anymore.

Time really did fly. It had been almost two years since he died.

And I hadn't lost my mind.

Just the other day, Iris was fitting me for new dresses and mentioned I'd gained a couple of pounds.

For a widow, I was doing well for myself. People might talk.

The thought made me smile a little.

I heard soft footsteps behind me and turned to see Adrian's figure approaching.

His eyes held such a heavy sadness that I blinked and looked again, sure I was imagining things.

He just stood there, watching me quietly.

"Adrian," I said, turning to greet.

"No need for formalities," he replied. Even his tone reminded me of Lionel, warm and reassuring.

"What bring you out here?"

Adrian took a step closer and asked, "And what about you, Lila?"

"I had too much to drink," I said. "Just needed some air to clear my head."

Adrian stood beside me and suddenly said, "I'm sorry."

I knew this moment was coming. My husband died on his watch, and he couldn't escape responsibility for that.

If I were the hysterical type, I should probably grab him by the collar right now and demand he bring my husband back.

But their family wasn't like other royal households. The brothers actually got along, and Lionel had mentioned more than once how brave and unbeatable Adrian was.

I didn't want to embarrass him.

So I shook my head and told him not to blame himself. "It was an accident. Nobody wanted this to happen."

Adrian didn't say anything more after that, but he reached into his coat and pulled out a brooch, then handed it to me.

I looked at him, confused.

He said, "Lionel bought this for you. He said it was for your birthday."

Something flickered in my eyes, and I managed a small smile.

"I see." The brooch wasn't made of anything fancy, but the carved bell on it was incredibly detailed. Lionel always knew precisely what I liked.

I looked up at Adrian. "Thank you."

He'd left in May, and my birthday was in September.

We'd agreed that he'd finish his business in two or three months and come right back, so he wouldn't miss celebrating with me.

But all that came back was news of his death.

Now this late-birthday gift had finally made it home, too.

But Lionel still hadn't.

I looked down and carefully traced my fingers over the brooch, terrified I might somehow wear it away to nothing.

After a long silence, I looked up and asked, "When he died, did it hurt?"

Iris had told me an arrow pierced his heart, and he was a scholarly prince with no strength to defend himself, so with such a severe wound, the pain must have been unbearable.

Adrian's eyes filled with sorrow. "He—"

"Never mind." I cut him off. "Don't tell me, Adrian. I don't want to know."

If his death was gruesome, I'd have nightmares and wake up with my pillow soaked in tears.

Iris was already worried enough about my sleepless nights that she wanted to call the royal physician.

I didn't want to give anyone more reasons to worry about me.

I tucked the brooch into my sleeve and smiled with a slight nod. "Thank you, Adrian. If there's nothing else, I should go inside now."

I turned to leave, but Prince Adrian suddenly grabbed my sleeve. "Wait."

The gesture was rather improper.

When he saw me frown, he quickly let go.

I asked quietly, "Wouldn't he?"

Adrian froze.

If Lionel truly cared about my grief, he wouldn't have died so easily.

Even if he had to crawl, he should have crawled back to see me.

But where was he now?

When someone dies, they're gone. There are no souls, no spirits watching from above. Those comforting words about the departed are just lies the living tell themselves.

I turned and walked away.