Chapter 3

But life had other plans.

Lionel never fell for someone else, but our family still fell apart, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Leo played in the courtyard now, chasing fish in the pond and filling the air with bright, bubbling laughter that drifted through every corner of the estate, but Lionel Manor still felt too empty.

One more child couldn't fill all those vacant spaces, and honestly, I didn't want anyone to fill them.

Lantesher was so far from Imperial City that even if he wanted to come back, the journey would take forever, so I had to keep a place waiting for him.

*****

That Christmas Eve, Elizabeth summoned me to the palace to celebrate with her.

I knew why. She was worried I'd get too caught up in memories.

When Lionel was alive, I used to visit the palace often.

I lost my mother when I was young and never knew what maternal warmth felt like.

Still, after I married into the royal family, I found it in Elizabeth. She and Olivia were the same age, and she gave me the kind of gentle, thoughtful care I'd been missing my whole life.

Elizabeth was always happy to see me, too.

Lionel grew up under her care alongside Alexander's son, Nathan, so she treated me like her own daughter.

Actually, she treated me even better than she treated Nathan's wife, Alisha, because Alisha was cold and distant and never really warmed up to Elizabeth.

I was different, though. I was loud and playful, and whenever I visited, I'd joke around with Elizabeth until the whole Queen's Apartments were in chaos.

Elizabeth loved having me around.

But this year, we hadn't seen much of each other.

Queen's Apartments looked the same as always. When I arrived, Alisha was there with the little prince, paying her respects to Elizabeth and getting ready to leave.

I curtsied to her.

Alisha stopped and glanced at Leo standing beside me, then said something that caught me entirely off guard. "My condolences."

I froze for a second.

I'd heard those words so many times over the past year that the grief had dulled into something manageable, but I never expected Alisha to be the one saying them.

She usually didn't talk to anyone unless she absolutely had to.

"Thank you," I said.

Alisha didn't say anything else. She just left with her son.

I went into the inner chamber and found Elizabeth waiting for me.

She'd obviously heard what Alisha said because the first thing she told me was, "She doesn't understand social graces, Lila. Please don't take it personally."

"Of course not," I said with a smile. "I know how Alisha is, Your Majesty. Really, I understand."

Elizabeth visibly relaxed.

It couldn't be easy for her.

Alisha's personality must have caused Elizabeth endless worry, but what could she do?

Alisha came from one of the kingdom's most powerful families and had grown up with Nathan since childhood. Elizabeth was a good mother, and she wasn't going to destroy their relationship just because Alisha didn't know how to play nice.

*****

The banquet was as lively as ever.

Alexander had called it a family gathering and told everyone to relax and enjoy themselves.

The late emperor had over a dozen sons, and seven or eight of them still lived in the Imperial City. They'd all brought their wives and children, and the Great Hall was packed.

Everyone sat in their assigned seats, but the space beside me remained empty.

Leo was thoughtful. He scooted closer and slipped an orange into my hand, then leaned in and whispered, "Mother."

I lowered my gaze and brushed my nose against his, murmuring my thanks.

Music filled the hall throughout the banquet, and I drank until I was half drunk. I lifted the wine jug again, but Iris bent down and gently stopped me. "Your Highness, please take care of yourself."

"I'm not drunk," I said.

The moment the words left my lips, a servant rushed into the hall, breathless and urgent. "Your Majesty, Prince Adrian has returned."

I froze.

Alexander's face lit up. "Wonderful! Bring the prince in at once."

My wine cup tipped over and spilled across the table. I lifted my head in a daze and saw a tall figure striding into the hall.

Adrian was the late emperor's thirteenth son, and he'd been stationed in Valois all this time, so I'd never met him before.

This was my first time seeing him in person.

I didn't expect him to remind me of Lionel.

No, it wasn't his face. It was the way he carried himself, his silhouette. From a distance, for just a moment, I could almost mistake him for someone I used to know.

But I had no idea what he actually looked like because his face was completely hidden behind a mask.

The battle at Valois had been brutal. Lionel died there, and Adrian was badly wounded. His face was scarred in the fighting, and he'd worn a mask ever since.

Still, a scarred face was better than death.

I would've taken Lionel back broken or crippled. I just wanted him back.

But that never happened.

In the two years since he died, Valois had felt like some distant legend to me, like a stage set across mountains and rivers where the actors weren't quite real. It left room for me to imagine things differently, to pretend.

Now Adrian stood right in front of me, and I couldn't even lie to myself anymore.

Alexander and Elizabeth were asking Adrian about how he'd been, their voices full of concern, but I didn't want to hear any of it. I tilted my head back and drained my glass in one swallow.