Chapter 5

After the banquet, I stayed home most of the time.

Nolan worried I'd get bored, so he showed up at my estate with an entire lamb and said he wanted to roast it for me.

We built a big fire pit in the courtyard, and the two of us huddled together in our cloaks, father and daughter keeping warm by the flames.

Nolan had heard about Adrian coming back, too, and he kept making snide comments about him being bad luck. "He should've just stayed in Valois where he belongs," Nolan grumbled. "Coming back here just pisses everyone off."

I laughed. "His Majesty missed him though. You better watch what you say, Father. If someone overhears you and reports it to the palace, I'm not bailing you out."

Nolan snorted, "I'm tough as nails. Don't need you to save me."

Then he started going on about how he should've found me a husband. "That Chris guy under my command would've been perfect. Big, strong, built like an ox. That's the kind of man who lives forever."

I answered absently, "When you first met Prince Lionel, you said he was refined and elegant, completely different from rough people like us. You said marrying him would bring honor to our ancestors."

Nolan looked embarrassed when I called him out like that. "I'm just worried about you, alright? And you're still having dinner with Adrian. That's gotta hurt."

"I'm fine. It didn't kill me," I said. "Lionel's been dead for years now. I'm over it."

Nolan didn't believe me. "Really?"

"Really. God, you're so annoying. How else do you think I gained weight?"

Nolan studied my face carefully, still skeptical, but finally had to admit, "You did get a little rounder."

Nolan's roasting skills were top-notch, and we ate until we were stuffed and drank two whole jars of wine. He passed out drunk in the garden.

I had the servants drag him to one of the guest rooms.

Iris saw me sitting there in a daze and crouched down beside me to tuck my cloak tighter around me.

The charcoal fire burned slowly, making my eyes feel heavy and unfocused. I don't know what came over me, but I just said it out loud. "Why couldn't it have been Prince Adrian who died instead?"

Iris jumped and quickly made a warding gesture. "Your Highness, you mustn't say such things!"

I snapped back to reality and dragged a hand down my face.

"Your Highness," Iris started to say something, but the doorman came to report that Adrian had arrived.

Speaking of the devil.

Iris looked alarmed. "What's he doing here?!"

I stood up and smoothed down my hair. "Well, he's here now, so let him in."

*****

Adrian arrived, wrapped in furs, and came to say goodbye to me.

He'd come back to report to the king and couldn't stay long, but he wanted to see me before he left.

Lionel's brothers were all good, and I needed to be a good wife, so I tried to put him at ease. "I'm fine."

Adrian glanced around the messy courtyard and asked, "Have you been drinking again?"

"Yes, but not much."

Adrian went quiet for a moment, then said, "Hard liquor isn't good for you."

"I know."

I sat back down and gestured to the spot beside me. "Adrian, do you want to join me? The roasted lamb is my father's recipe. You've had it before, so you can tell me if his skills have gotten rusty."

Adrian hesitated, then sat down.

Imperial City was freezing, and the cold cut straight through to the bone. I rubbed my hands together and added more coal to the brazier, trying to chase away the chill.

Adrian sat beside me in silence, watching the flames flicker between us.

It was strange, really.

I'd barely seen him more than a handful of times, but sitting here with him felt oddly comforting, like I could finally breathe.

Maybe it was because he was the last person to see Lionel alive. Being near Adrian made me feel closer to Lionel somehow, like the distance between us wasn't quite so vast.

"When do you leave?" I asked, breaking the quiet.

"Day after tomorrow," Adrian said. "The Lantesher forces are getting restless. I need to get back and keep them in check."

I nodded, understanding without needing more explanation.

For years, Valois had stayed intact because Adrian held the northern border. Without him, the Lantesher army would have swept through our lands long ago.

Everyone at court knew it. The only person who could match their wolf of a king was Adrian himself.

As long as he stood, Valois stood.

The thought made me feel guilty about earlier, about wishing he'd been the one to die instead.

Losing Lionel was devastating for me, but it wouldn't shake the kingdom. Losing Adrian, though? The borders would collapse within weeks.

"I met Leo," Adrian said, still staring at the fire. "He's a good boy. Well-behaved. I think Lionel would have liked him."

"Would he?" I wasn't so sure.

"He would," Adrian said, and his voice was firm, confident.

I almost laughed at that. Even I wasn't confident about what Lionel would have thought, and here was Adrian acting like he could read a dead man's mind.

"It doesn't really matter if he would have liked him or not," I said. "He's not here to meet him anyway."

The words came out sharper than I meant, and Adrian went quiet again.

I wasn't trying to hurt him. It was just how I was, how I'd always been.

I'd grown up spoiled and blunt, saying whatever came to mind, and Nolan had never bothered to correct me. By all rights, someone like me shouldn't have married into the imperial family. And even if I had, I should have been cast aside for my sharp tongue.

But Lionel had been different.

He never looked down on me. If anything, he liked my honesty, my refusal to play games.

In our three years together, he gave me warmth, respect, and genuine affection. Everything I'd ever imagined wanting from a husband, Lionel had given me without hesitation.

So how could I not feel this crushing sense of loss?

Lionel was gone, and there would never be another man like him. Not in this world, not anywhere.