A Eulogy For The Roach

Synopsis

My roommate, Diana Foster, thought she was the kindest soul alive. She literally watched her feet when she walked, scared she might step on an ant. Her social media bio fit her whole vibe perfectly: [The world is dirty and messy, but I choose to be kind.] While we were cleaning the dorm, I killed a cockroach. Everyone else cheered me on for being so brave, saying I was the fiercest of us all. Diana lost it. She burst into tears, calling me cruel and saying karma would catch up with me. She even demanded that I mourn the dead cockroach. I agreed without hesitation. Honestly, such an entertaining roommate was seriously hard to find. If she weren't around for the next four years, who would I even mess with? Wait, no. I mean, who would I hang out with?