Chapter 1
From the moment I was born, I had severe thalassemia.
My brother James missed two SAT exams so he could donate blood to me.
Right before his third try at the SAT, I had another acute episode because of my anemia.
My ears were ringing like crazy, and I couldn't stop throwing up.
My parents made the tough call and sent me to my grandma's place in the countryside.
Before leaving me behind, Mom hugged me tightly, her eyes red with tears.
Mom said, "Ms. Carter told us—If James skips the exam again, she won't forgive him.
"Lily, James is our kid too. He has his own future to chase."
My dad looked completely drained and let out a heavy sigh.
He said, "We promise, we'll come pick you up in three days, okay?"
They asked me, but they didn't wait for my answer before leaving.
I watched the car drive away, and then I coughed up blood.
My body was getting colder and colder.
James suddenly texted me: [Lily, did you make it to Grandma's place? Are you feeling okay?]
My vision was fading fast, but I clenched my jaw and forced myself to text back.
I texted him back: [I'm fine.
[James, do your best on the exam! After you ace it, come pick me up with Mom and Dad, okay?]
Mom and Dad were right.
James deserves a chance to live his own life, to chase his dreams.
This time, I won't be the one holding them back.
*****
Right before James's third shot at the SAT, my parents did something rare—they took a week off from work just for me.
They let me stay home from school, too.
James was at school, cramming for the big test.
My parents stayed home, watching over me like hawks, never leaving my side for a second.
Their faces were overflowing with tenderness.
But deep in their eyes, you could see the exhaustion from years of emotional and physical strain—an exhaustion they just couldn't hide.
I've had severe thalassemia since the day I was born.
Every three weeks or so, I needed a blood transfusion.
And on top of that, there was a monthly bill of 1,000 dollars for treatment to get rid of all the extra iron in my body.
All these years, James, whose blood type matched mine, has been stuck with me, never able to catch a break.
My parents' savings have been drained dry, thanks to all those hospital bills.
They stayed by my side for seven days straight.
It wasn't until the afternoon before the SAT that Mom finally let herself relax a little.
She let out a sigh of relief and said, "James will be home for dinner tonight.
"The SAT exam is tomorrow.
"Lily, when it's all done, Mom, Dad, and James will all come pick you up and take you back to school together."
My dad looked worn out, his hair already turning gray.
All these years, he struggled to cover my endless medical bills.
He'd work back-to-back shifts at the factory, from dawn till midnight.
He was barely in his forties, but he looked more like someone in his fifties or sixties.
But right now, he managed a smile and waved his hand.
He said, "Once James finishes the SAT and Lily wraps up her finals, then the four of us can take a trip together—just like the rich folks do.
"How about we go to Willow Lake, the place Lily talked about before?"
Mom hated to spend money.
But after a moment, she gave a small smile and nodded.
She said, "Okay. When the kids finish their exams, we'll go.
"Let's get Lily a comfy bed on the train, and we'll just take the regular seats.
"The regular seats are fine; we'll get the window ones, so we can enjoy the view."
There was a glimmer of hope in Mom's eyes.
Then, extra carefully, she lit a candle in front of the shrine.
She closed her eyes and softly prayed, and I could barely make out what she was saying.
She said, "James will be twenty-one after Christmas.
"Please, let James get through this SAT smoothly.
"And Lily... just let her be safe this time, please."
The wind started blowing outside.
I suddenly felt dizzy again and started coughing.
Dad acted like it was an emergency, quickly getting up to shut the window.
But my hands and feet started to go cold.
That all-too-familiar feeling hit me—cold sweat broke out on my palms and back.
It was like I was breathing through fog, and my nose and throat throbbed with a dull ache.
An acute flare-up from my anemia.
I knew this feeling like the back of my hand after all these years.
Dad fixed his worried gaze on me, his face grave, about to ask something.
Just then, the front door opened and James walked in.
The house instantly turned into a flurry of activity.
Mom rushed into the kitchen, then brought out the steaming dishes and set them on the table.
Dad started setting out the plates and utensils.
James dropped his backpack and, as usual, came straight over to sit by my side.
He sounded laid-back, but the concern in his voice was real.
"Hey, Lily, how are you feeling today?
"Did you remember to take your iron meds, or were you slacking off again?"
Beads of cold sweat kept rolling down my forehead, stinging my eyes.
A wave of dizziness crashed over me, and my ears buzzed.
It was the middle of summer, but I felt like I'd been dropped straight into an ice pit.
Trying to steady my trembling body, I wiped my face with a shaky hand.
I said, "I'm fine. I took my meds this morning."
James crouched down, giving me a worried, questioning look.
After a pause, he reached out and touched my forehead.
He asked, "It's not even hot in here. Why are you sweating so much?"
My heart felt heavy, like it was stuffed full of cotton—thick and suffocating.
James wiped the sweat from my forehead, his eyes even more anxious, and his voice got sharper with concern.
He asked, "Why are your hands so cold?
"Mom, Dad, when was the last time you took Lily for a blood transfusion?
"Don't tell me her anemia's getting worse again."
He was already reaching out to help me up. "Let's go to the hospital.
"My blood's been stored up for almost half a year now, so we can use it for your transfusion..."
Mom's hand shook, and she dropped some food.
Dad suddenly went rigid, frozen in place.
The lively mood in the room instantly froze, as if the air had turned cold.
I snapped out of it and quickly said, "I'm fine.
"Dad opened the window, and the hot air just made me a bit dizzy.
"I'm okay now."
Mom and Dad both let out a long sigh of relief at the same time.
Mom finally relaxed and said, "We just took her for a transfusion a few days ago. She should be fine now."
I forced myself to pull it together and act like everything was fine.
I got up and gave James a playful shove, steering him over to the table for dinner.
Dad picked up a piece of steak for James, saying the bright red color meant good luck was on his side.
Mom put a piece of cake on James's plate, telling him it would help him ace his exam.
They never used to have faith in those things.
But with James's third shot at the SAT coming up, they just couldn't say "whatever happens, happens" anymore.
My head was pounding, my ears buzzing, and everything was spinning—soon, their faces started to blur before my eyes.