Chapter 4
But now, I get really anxious at events like these.
Back in the Aurelion, Jonathan would always bring me along to banquets, and whenever he got drunk, he'd get a kick out of hitting me.
At the banquet, I just kept my head down, quietly eating and sipping my coffee, praying it would all be over soon.
But Matthew seemed to be in a foul mood.
Even when Jennifer tried to joke with him, he'd just reply with a flat "Mm."
Every time his gaze flicked over to me, it was icy cold.
A wave of dread rose in my chest, and sure enough, the punishment hit me fast.
With just a nod from Matthew, people kept coming over, glass in hand, forcing me to drink.
The hall was stocked with hard liquor, and after years of choking down rotten food in the Aurelion, my stomach was shot. Every gulp felt like it was shaving years off my life.
Refusing wasn't an option. All it took was a single look from Matthew, and I had to drink, no matter what.
It didn't matter if I drank or not. I was not making it out of this alive anyway.
Someone complimented me, "You really can hold your liquor."
I used to love drinking, and once I even made a fool of myself. I stumbled into Matthew's courtyard and shouted at the top of my lungs that I liked him.
Maybe that was when he started getting fed up with me.
My stomach felt like it was on fire when Jennifer walked over, holding her wine glass and wearing that dazzling smile.
"I should be the one to properly toast Your Highness," she said sweetly. "Thank you for going to the Aurelion as a hostage in my place all those years ago."
The crowd instantly broke out in praise.
"No wonder she's from a family of generals. She always repays kindness," someone remarked.
"Miss Barnes is a true role model for our generation," another chimed in.
"Let's do three rounds, shall we?" she said with a smile, topping off my glass.
I glanced at Matthew. He didn't say a word, but his silence was as good as permission.
But there was no way I could manage three more drinks with her.
Everything went black, and I just collapsed right there.
When I came to, I was back in my own room, lying on my bed.
From beyond the screen, I could hear familiar voices.
"What's the situation?" someone asked.
"Her body can't take alcohol at all, Your Highness," someone said. "It's fortunate we caught it in time. If she keeps drinking like this, it could be life-threatening..."
"How could she not be able to drink?" Matthew sounded surprised. "She used to love drinking."
"Well... I'm not sure, Your Highness," the physician replied. "But her symptoms are like someone who's been starving for a long time. In any case, she really can't handle anything too harsh on her stomach anymore."
There was a moment of silence.
"The Aurelion has different eating habits from ours," Matthew said coolly. "She probably just fussed over food the whole time and ruined her stomach. She's always been willful, after all."
My lips twitched in bitter irony.
Yeah, he probably has no clue that once, I was so desperate for food I actually ended up fighting Jonathan's dog for a scrap to eat.
The dog tore into my arm, and later, Jonathan gave me some mysterious potion. The pain was so intense that I passed out. It felt like it nearly cost me half my life.
After a while, the physician left, and Matthew walked in.
"Three years later and you're still the one causing a scene at banquets," he said.
"Sorry for spoiling everyone's fun," I said softly.
"If you can't handle your liquor, just say so next time," he said coolly. "If you end up drinking yourself to death, that'd be a real joke."
'Yeah, right,' I scoffed to myself.
'Isn't it already a joke? A princess like me, wrecked just because I liked someone,' I thought, bitterly mocking myself.
"Got it," I replied.
The room fell silent again. After a while, Matthew suddenly said, "You've gotten a lot quieter since you came back.
"You always had so much to say at banquets, especially when you were with me."
"Talking less keeps me from annoying people," I replied softly.
"I remember once when I was away on business in Thornburg," Matthew said with a faint chuckle. "When I came back two months later, I saw you waiting at the palace gates from afar. You really caught my eye..."
"I was so naive back then, always making things difficult for you," I replied softly. "I promise I won't trouble you like that again."
His smile froze on his lips.
"After three years apart, don't you have anything to say to me?" he asked after a long pause.
I was completely stunned.
Seriously, what was I even supposed to say?
'Should I tell him how Jonathan put me through hell, made me wish I was dead, all because he was just following your orders?'
Or maybe I should just tell him I wouldn't be around much longer.
And just like before, he'd probably just say, "Don't take me for a fool with your stories."
I was not that naive anymore. I knew better than expecting him to believe me.
After all, the higher my hopes, the harder I fell.
So I just shook my head.
"My birthday's coming up in two months," he said suddenly. "The pouch you gave me before is all worn out now."
I froze for a second, then looked up at him.