Chapter 9
He took a step forward, as if he was about to reach for me.
But his hand froze in midair.
His hand was trembling.
"Julia," he called out, his voice shaky.
"You can't do this," he pleaded.
I looked at him.
I didn't step back.
"Why can't I?" I asked.
His lips trembled.
"You and I can still have Autumn, Winter, Spring, and Summer," he said, voice quivering.
"So you do remember," I said.
"I thought you'd look forward to them as much as I did," I said.
"But in the end, you didn't want my Autumn," I said.
His gaze grew frantic.
He looked like he was desperately grasping for an explanation.
"Julia," he murmured.
He took a step forward.
"We can start over," he said.
I cut him off.
"How are we supposed to start over?" I asked.
"Are you going to turn back time?" I pressed.
"Or are you going to give me back my Autumn?" I demanded.
After that, I stopped talking to him.
I didn't respond to him anymore.
There were no phones here.
There was nothing I could use to contact the outside world.
The servants didn't speak.
It was like they'd been trained not to.
He worked in the next room.
Every so often, he'd peek in to see if I was still there.
It was like he wanted to make sure I hadn't disappeared.
He went and had his vasectomy reversed.
I figured he was probably planning to trap me with a baby.
I wanted to get out, but I had no idea how.
Even Susan probably wouldn't be able to find me.
Until that day.
He was on the phone in the next room.
I could hear bits of his voice coming through.
At first, he was barely keeping his anger in check.
But then, he started to lose it.
"If you want to have the baby, I'll pay you," he said.
"If you don't, get rid of it, I'll still pay you," he added.
At that moment, he finally snapped.
"Don't use Autumn against me," he muttered.
His voice was barely above a whisper.
"If you push me too far, I won't hold back anymore," he muttered.
I got it.
This was my chance.
I stepped out and wrapped my arms around him from behind.
He froze for a moment.
Then, slowly, he turned and pulled me into his embrace.
His hands were trembling.
He held me so gently.
It was like he was afraid I'd break.
"I want my Autumn back," I whispered.
Hearing that, he hugged me even tighter.
That night, we ended up in the same bed again.
He wrapped his arms around me.
He held on for what felt like forever.
Like he needed to convince himself I was real.
As if letting go meant losing me forever.
He said he'd gotten checked out.
His recovery was going better than he thought it would.
He was in better shape than he was six years ago.
He'd even started taking folic acid.
I listened to him, really paying attention, letting every word sink in.
Then I leaned in and kissed him, silencing him with my lips.
From that day on, sometimes I'd suddenly feel a little better.
But most of the time, something would suddenly feel off.
Tears would fall for no reason.
Or I'd lose my temper without any warning.
One time, I gave him three hard slaps, one after another.
He didn't dodge.
He didn't step back.
He stood there.
He waited for me to finish.
Then he came over and pulled me into his arms.
"It's okay," he said.
"It's all over now," he murmured.
From then on, he started holding me every night as we slept.
His arms were always wrapped around me, never letting go.
He held me so tight.
Like he was afraid I'd disappear if he let go.
When I was awake, he'd whisper in my ear.
He'd say he was sorry.
He'd promise it would never happen again.
Even when he was asleep, his arms were still wrapped around me.
His hands never let go.
If I moved even a little, he'd hold me tighter.
He'd pull me closer, like he was afraid I'd slip away.
After a while, life slowly started to get back on track.
My emotions were steadier.
I didn't cry as much.
I didn't get angry as much.
I started eating again.
I started going to bed at normal hours.
Sometimes, when he came back, he'd catch me working out.
He started working longer hours.
The servants started moving around like normal again.
They didn't tiptoe around anymore.
You could even hear them chatting sometimes.
Maybe it was because the house had been so stifling.
Later, he hired a new nanny.
She was a lot more lively.
When she saw me, the nanny made a subtle gesture.
I'd seen that before.
Susan always did that for me.
I felt like the time was right.