Chapter 4

Before I even realized I was pregnant, I'd already lost the baby.

Edward sat by my bedside, looking like he was drowning in guilt.

"Claire, I know this isn't the right time. Once you're feeling better, we'll have another shot at having a baby," he said softly, trying to comfort me.

I looked at him, numb and empty, but I still caught that tiny flash of relief in his eyes.

This was already the second baby we'd lost.

Three years ago, when I got pregnant for the first time, Julia moved in with us to help me out.

That was when she met Edward for the first time.

After that, Edward started coming home less and less. Then, the day Julia didn't come home either, I slipped in the bathroom, started bleeding badly, and had a miscarriage.

It was after that day that I found proof Edward was cheating, and ended up standing on the rooftop, ready to jump.

What a joke.

Me and my two babies, we were all just collateral damage in their so-called epic love story.

Edward suddenly remembered everything too. He couldn't even meet my eyes, just muttered something about paying the bill, then practically ran out of the room, desperate to get away from me.

My phone lit up on the pillow.

"Do you really think it was just that push from him that made you lose the baby? All these years, the meds you've been taking had birth control mixed in. Even if you got pregnant by accident, there was no way your baby would survive.

"Let yourself go, Claire. The longer you stick around and try to get in their way, the stronger their relationship gets. The only way to make sure they're forever marked by shame is if you're gone for good," my future self said.

I just quietly hung up, calm as ever.

Not a single tear, not a meltdown, not even a scene.

After I was discharged from the hospital, I became unnaturally obedient. I stopped checking up on them, stopped questioning or doubting, just quietly faded into the background. But the more I pretended everything was fine, the more nervous they became.

Edward finally couldn't stand it anymore and brought it up himself.

"There's an emergency at work. I have to go on a business trip for a week," Edward said.

He looked at me, as if already steeling himself for me to lose it.

But all I said was, "Okay."

I glanced at Julia. "You've been looking after me for so long, Julia. You must be worn out. Just take the week off and rest. I can handle myself."

They both froze, caught off guard by how easily I agreed. All the excuses they'd rehearsed just got stuck in their throats.

Edward tested the waters, his voice cautious."Claire, that day at the hospital did you see something?"

I shot back, "See what?"

When I denied it, he let out a sigh of relief, his eyes softening.

"When I get back from my trip, I'll take you to Swevania to see the snow-capped mountains, okay?" he said.

Swevania.

For three years, I'd begged Edward to take me to Swevania, but he always turned me down.

He said it was too far, that I was too sick, and that going would just be a burden for everyone. He promised he'd take me once I got better.

And I waited. Three whole years.

I said softly, "Okay."

That night, the guest room door was left slightly ajar.

Julia's sobs drifted out from inside. "Edward, are we being too cruel to Claire?"

Edward's voice was cold and resolute. "I'm doing this to save everyone.

"If she stays here, she'll drive us all crazy sooner or later. Sending her to that sanatorium in Swevania is the only way to keep everyone safe."

So that was it.

Turned out, it was never about fulfilling my dreams or making up for anything. He just wanted to ship me off to some snowy country, out of sight and out of mind, so their legendary love story could finally go on without me getting in the way.

I let out a silent laugh.

Why did you bother making things so complicated?

I turned and went back to my room, filled the bathtub to the brim, and lay down in the water.

.As the blade sliced through my wrist, blood spread through the water like a ribbon, and I felt a freedom I'd never known before.