Chapter 1

On our first Christmas Eve as newlyweds, James Foster left me to spend the night by myself.

Late at night, I jolted awake from a nightmare. Almost without thinking, I opened my chat with James—only to be bombarded by a stream of photos featuring gorgeous women.

Before I could even process what was happening, James showed up at the door, his arm casually draped around a woman dressed in something barely there.

"She wants this room. Go sleep in the living room," James said.

With red eyes, I asked him, "Why?"

James pressed his face against the woman's shoulder, not even bothering to look up.

He replied, "Come on. You're boring. No fun at all.

"Unless you want to stay and watch? Learn a thing or two?"

The boy who used to blush from holding my hand—in my heart, he was already dead.

*****

Half an hour later, James finally wandered downstairs.

He settled beside me, sipping his water as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

As I caught sight of the mark on his neck, my heart clenched so tight it hurt.

My eyes were swollen and red, my voice hoarse as I asked, "When did it start?"

James frowned, as if he was thinking hard. He asked, "Which time do you mean?

"The day I proposed. After I put the ring on you and said I had to deal with something at work? She was already waiting for me in the restroom at the restaurant.

"And the engagement day. Remember the assistant I brought with me? We'd just come from the hotel, and I didn't have time to send her home, so I brought her along.

"Oh, and the wedding day? That girl was way too clingy. I had to leave halfway through the ceremony to meet her. She's not nearly as understanding as you."

I cut James off with a hoarse, almost desperate scream, tears falling helplessly down my cheeks once more.

Seeing that self-satisfied look on his face made my stomach churn.

I went over every single moment he mentioned, replaying them in my head.

On the day he proposed, I caught a glimpse of someone whose silhouette looked like James's.

On our engagement day, I saw him holding hands with his assistant.

Even on our wedding day, I overheard him whispering to a clingy girl on the phone.

*****

I had bipolar disorder, and whenever I had an episode, I ended up seeing things that weren't even real.

Honestly, it was only because James stuck around, day after day, that I managed to keep myself more or less together all these years.

So every time something weird happened, I chalked it up to my illness; never for a second did I think he'd lie to me.

As the clock struck midnight, fireworks exploded outside, and everyone else was celebrating this festive night of family reunion.

I forced myself to act calm, but my voice trembled no matter how hard I tried.

"Why did you bring her home? Why would you do this to me on Christmas Eve?" I asked.

James let out a soft laugh, gently tucking a tear-soaked strand of hair behind my ear.

He said, "Because you're so stupid. You're so dumb, I almost can't bring myself to lie to you.

"Just be good. As long as you keep being obedient and sensible like before, you'll still be Mrs. Foster."

With that, James leaned in and pressed a kiss to my cold forehead.

He was right next to me, so close I could smell some other woman's perfume on him.

I cried so hard I could barely breathe, screaming at him, "Get out!"

James got up, clearly annoyed, and said coldly, "Spending decades with one person? That's way too hard. You should really think about that.

"She's a light sleeper, so stop losing it. You'll wake her up."

Without another word, James turned and walked straight back into the room he had come from.

My tears were long gone. Moving mechanically, I stood up, grabbed the bottle of pills from the table, and downed them all in one gulp.

The whole process was so quiet, not a single sound escaped me.

This time, I had a dream.

I dreamed my parents died in a car crash, leaving me an orphan, shuffled from one relative to another like unwanted baggage.

That time, my aunt kicked me out for eating half a bowl more of cereal.

It was the middle of winter, and I curled up in nothing but a thin shirt on a park bench, shivering nonstop.

I covered myself with newspapers I grabbed from the sidewalk, but my whole body was turning blue and purple from the cold.

This time, James found me again.

He brought me back to that tiny, rundown shelter beneath the bridge.

James said, "If everyone else turns you away, I'll always want you. From now on, this is your home. I'm your family now."

That was when I realized he had escaped from the orphanage after being abused there.

But James was so young, the only work he could get was hauling steel bars or doing tough, illegal jobs to survive.

Whenever I felt sorry and wanted to help him, he'd get all serious and say, "I told you, I'll take care of you. You don't need to worry about any of this."

James built his business step by step, pushing himself so hard that he ended up with all kinds of health issues from overwork.

He said, "I'm going to turn you into the most pampered woman ever. Only I can handle your quirks; no one else would even dare think about making a move on you."

I thought, if I could drift away in this dream and never wake up, maybe that would be the best way to go.