The Marriage Algorithm

Synopsis

The guy I met on a blind date, Steven Hewitt, sent me a friend request. Five minutes later, he dropped an Excel sheet in my inbox. Steven: [This is my dating standards scorecard. Go ahead and rate yourself. If you hit 80 or above, we can actually meet up.] I stared at the spreadsheet, feeling overwhelmed by the ridiculous amount of criteria packed in there. Height-to-weight ratio, parents' jobs, school rankings, zodiac signs, blood type compatibility... Seriously, 127 items. I replied with a casual [Not really a good fit.] Then, I was ready to delete him. He replied instantly: [Wait, I've got an advanced questionnaire too. It digs into your spending habits, whether you want kids, how you'd get along with your future mother-in-law… All the deep stuff.] Right after, he sent me a link to a 200-question online survey. I blocked him without a second thought. The next day, my mom forwarded me a 38-page PowerPoint presentation. The title was "Feasibility Report on a Long-Term Marriage with Your Daughter," and it was signed by Steven, the guy from yesterday's blind date. The last slide read, "According to our big data analysis, our marriage compatibility is an impressive 92.7%. I suggest your daughter give it another thought."