Chapter 6
The hallway light went out.
James stood in the half-darkness, his lips set in a hard line.
After a moment, he slapped the papers against the doorframe.
He said, "The three-month agreement is off.
"Anna's moving back tomorrow."
I didn't take the papers.
"Says who?" I shot back.
"Me," he said.
"And what about Anna?" I asked.
James ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated.
"What does she know? She's just a kid," he said.
I looked at him.
I said, "Funny, that's not what you said when she wanted to leave.
"You said she was old enough to choose an easier life for herself.
"But now that her choice doesn't suit you, suddenly she's just a clueless kid, huh?"
James gritted his teeth.
He snapped, "Helen, I don't have time for your word games.
"What if her grades actually tank if this keeps up?
"Are you seriously not worried at all as her mom?"
Of course I was worried.
Ever since Ms. Parker sent me that first message, I couldn't sleep at night.
I kept scrolling through Anna's photos on my phone.
I kept worrying if she was taking her medicine on time.
I kept thinking about whether she was falling asleep hugging her tablet again.
I kept wondering if she'd ever cried when Grace bossed her around.
But I couldn't let James see my vulnerability.
And I definitely couldn't let Anna see me lose my boundaries the moment my heart softened.
I pushed all those feelings down and looked up at him.
"If you want her to come back, that's fine by me," I said.
James's expression relaxed for a moment.
I continued, "But it's not your call.
"Let Anna be the one to tell me.
"She was the one who asked to stay at your place.
"If she wants to come back, it should be her decision."
James's anger flared up again.
"Are you really trying to make her swallow her pride?" he snapped.
I said, "It's not about swallowing her pride.
"It's about taking responsibility for her choices.
"She can make mistakes.
"But every time she makes the wrong choice, she can't have someone else speak for her."
James stared at me, like I was a stranger to him now.
"You never used to be like this," he said.
I replied coolly, "I've cleaned up your messes more times than I can count.
"I'm not doing it anymore."
He gripped the papers even tighter.
"Fine," he said.
"Just wait and see.
"If something really happens to her, don't say I didn't warn you."
With that, he turned and walked away.
When he reached the elevator, he turned back to look at me.
"Mark my words, Helen, you're just going to push her away," James said.
Before I closed the door, I said, "It's not the rules that drive kids away. It's the lies."
After the door closed, the silence in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
The glass of water I hadn't finished was still sitting on the dining table.
I picked it up, the glass cold against my fingers.
I'm not made of steel.
Every word James said hit me right where it hurt the most.
I was afraid Anna would end up hating me.
Afraid she'd think I didn't want her anymore.
Afraid she was really having a hard time over there.
But what scared me even more was that she'd never figure out the difference between love and indulgence.
That she'd never be able to tell freedom from just running away.
At 10:40 that night, Anna texted me.
Anna texted: [Mom, did Dad come to see you?]
I stared at the screen, not replying right away.
She sent another message.
Anna texted: [After he got back, he and Grandma got into a fight.]
Anna texted: [Grandma said you were being too harsh.]
Anna texted: [Dad said you were just making a big deal out of nothing.]
Anna texted: [Mary started crying.]
Anna texted: [I don't know what to do.]
I replied: [Where are you right now?]
It took her a while to reply.
Anna finally texted back: [I'm in my room.]
I asked: [Is the door locked?]
Anna replied: [Yeah, it's locked.]
I asked: [Did you finish your homework?]
It took her even longer to reply this time.
Anna finally texted back: [Just the reading assignment left.]
I replied: [Finish it first.]
I added: [When you're done, take a picture and send it to your dad.]
She sent me a pouty emoji.
I didn't reply.