Chapter 9

In my dream I am in the frozen forest where the biting cold penetrates the skin. Its beauty is magnificent, the trees are high and the snow is thick, but in this beauty there is death. It whispers. It calls. It's waiting for me.

My father doesn’t talk a lot about his time at the tournament. He says he was a different man back then and the things he did there were something out of a nightmare. I tried to ask his Beta about it, but he said nothing. I tried to ask his men and they were frozen stiff by the question. I tried to ask my mother and she knew next to nothing except for the number of men he had killed. I try to ask him and he just smiles almost painfully, never speaking of it.

I wonder how bad it could have been if no one wanted to talk about it. And if it was so bad, why are people so respectful of him still? Or is it because of what he did that he became respected?

It’s not really required to kill, but in a cold, desolate place like that, when your hunger is at its highest and your desperation unfathomable… it just happens. The animal inside of us just overpowers the human and the desire to kill is uncontrollable.

In the end, we are all animals in the end.

Still, the world inside the frozen forest is beautiful and perfect. That is, until I’m roughly brought out of the dream.

My eyes opened to the darkness of my room and saw a pair of eyes hovering over me. I know who it is without even seeing him properly.

“Get up!”

It took a moment for my consciousness to register the urgency in his voice. He was shaking me and then pulling me to stand. “What’s wrong? Where’s the fire?”

“What dream did I just wake you from? Dreams of me? Hot and heavy was it? You didn’t want to wake from it at all.” He was growling angrily. “A number of contestants have banded together to permanently eliminate you from the competition.”

I wasn’t surprised, but the thing that bothered me the most was— “And you didn’t join them?”

He’s surprised by my question but hides it well with a shrug as he pounds on the wall of my room. “They simply didn’t ask me. Which is their mistake. I would have loved to kill you no matter how dishonorable it may be.”

I want to ask him what he’s doing with my wall but I’m too distracted by the fact that he isn’t one of them, the ones trying to kill me. “You’re telling me that if they asked you, you’d help them?”

“I don’t know what I would do,” Voss says, despite looking as though he would know exactly what he would do. “Only that they didn’t invite me and now I’m going to ruin it for them.”

I stuck my tongue out. “You’re a real charmer aren’t you?”

He smiles back at me, feet still hitting the walls. “The most charming.”

“So what? Is this a marriage of convenience then?” I asked, pointing to the two of us before pressing my fingers together.

Voss stops pounding on the walls to glare at me hatefully. “Don’t say marriage. Gives me the shivers. I’d never marry a Petrov.”

I dramatically gasped, helping him kick down the wall, even if I didn't understand why we were doing it. “Who said I wanted to marry you?”

“Everyone wants to marry me. Look at me.” He brushes his hair back as if to show me more of himself all while continuing to kick the wall. “You would be lucky to have me.”

“Ugh.” Angered by his high self esteem, I kick at the wall, harder and harder, until it suddenly breaks apart, leaving a big hole in the housing. The cool air slaps us in the face, but that’s not all that was waiting for us. In our noisy, chaotic pounding, guards have gathered outside and we’re frowning at us in distaste.

They continued to stare and it was only then did I realize that they were wordlessly asking for an explanation.

Taj Voss and I shared a look.

How do we even explain this? Half of the time I was confused about what we were kicking the wall for.

Thankfully, Voss takes the lead, stepping in front and graciously gestures to me. “She was humping me so hard, the wall gave through.”

I punched him on the shoulder, hard. “The truth now please.”

Apparently, we didn’t have to tell the truth because the door to my room opens with sinister looking contenders grinning from ear to ear holding knives as they enter. And leading the group was my sparring partner from earlier.

What joy.

I think of my father all of a sudden and I think of the time when I was really young— I don’t remember it clearly, but I remember it was one of those weeks that we had him for a long time and he would spend all that time with me. We were in the castle, playing together, and I remember when a councilman came. He told my father something mean, but my father ignored him. The councilman sees me and says something meaner. Something about how filthy and how unworthy I am. Something that made me cry really hard. And then I remember seeing a monster for the very first time. My father wasn’t my father anymore but something else and he was… eating or attacking this councilman, making the carpeted floor red and sticky. I saw it all, hearing the gurgling screaming and smelling the coppery smell in the air, but then, after the man wasn’t moving anymore, my father was back to himself. Red and sticky but back to himself. He held me in his shaking arms and whispered, “No one will ever harm you.”

I think of that councilman now as I see these contenders coming to kill me in my sleep and then I think my father is going to kill them. I know my father and I know he won’t stand for any disrespect towards me.

And these people just gave him an excuse to kill them before the tournament.

Before I can think anymore, I’m running towards them at a speed that’s so fast, my lungs have a hard time breathing. If I hit them before they hit me, it would be my fault and my father wouldn’t be involved. I would not be painted as the girl that ran to her father’s help because some of the competition decided to fight.

My fists make contact with someone’s jaw and my foot is lodged in someone’s stomach. A brawl begins. A brawl always begins here. Fists are thrown, kicks are launched and in this fray of bodies, I see Taj Voss hacking through the crowd with a smile on his face. He finds my sparring partner first and slams the guy against the wall, breaking another hole in my wall.

Dazed, red and angry, my sparring partner charges at him but Taj Voss easily catches his punch before it hits his face, his muscles tightening, veins bulging. “I can’t have you damaging my pretty face.” He teased though his voice was anything but playful. “I don’t know how to be ugly like you.”

My sparring partner’s face turns sour as his skin prickles with a shift. “Disrespectful brat!”

“What? The Princess likes this face!” Voss argues with a pout. “Who else will she stare at if it’s ruined? You know I’m the only handsome one here.”

The sun had risen when we all eventually slumped down on the floor, breathing hard. My knuckles were broken and attempting to repair itself but the bone was in the wrong place. I had to snap it back into its right place. Taj Voss is beside me, sitting on my sparring partner who’s more or less passed out under the criminal’s weight. Voss grimaces, staring at his disfigured toes. He had kicked someone too hard and his toes just… moved at an angle it shouldn’t. In fact, they were poking out of his skin in a gruesome way.

To help him, I flick it back into place and he screams. “Princess!”

“Shut up you big baby.” I put my hand up again, showing him I would flick him again if he talked back.

I looked at him then and thought, I’ve never had a friend outside of family and work before. I’ve had comrades and maybe my brother’s mate, but no one like this. Someone to tease and pick on as he does the same to me. No one to annoy and be annoyed by.

For the first time, I felt myself genuinely smile and I let out a breath. “What is this feeling?”

“Happiness.” He comments back, passing over a handful of snow that he had taken from the gaping hole in my room.

“Happiness.” I put the snow on my knuckles, making sure to leave him some for his toes. “Have you ever had a friend before?”

The criminal makes a face like the word disgusted him. “The fuck is that? A pet? God?”

I closed my eyes from the stupidity of the man beside me. “Never you mind, Taj.”

He yawns loudly and then I feel him shrug before lying down beside me. “Have you ever had a friend?”

The question sounded sincere and I decided to answer it truthfully. “No.”

“Am I the first?” He asks quietly.

I was silent for a while, deep in thought. “Maybe.”

Taj Voss gets himself comfortable on top of the bodies he knocked out. I open my eyes out of curiosity. He curses when he sees his shirt all dried with blood from the noses that he broke and starts to take it off, and almost for my benefit, he does it deliberately slowly.

He’s a big man, larger than most werewolves. He had tattoos up and down his arms, covering most of his tanned skin. His shoulders and his arms are a powerful sight, each coiled with muscles that showed this petty criminal has more experience in fighting than he lets on. His chest is also ripped with hard muscles. It’s perfectly sculpted to the point that it gleams in the moonlight, and if I dared to venture lower, I’m sure there’s more of it that trails down beneath his pants.

He’s a real piece of work. Admittedly well sculpted work, but annoying all the same.

I reached around my bed, pulling at the thick comforter and throwing it at his face. “Cover up, will you?”

He tilts his head to the side and smirks widely, eyes bright with something… “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

A witty remark attempts to leave my lips, but as I’m met again with the sight of him under the moon’s glow like this, the words are gone, replaced by this unexplainable heat that washes through me. My mouth feels dry and wet at the same time and it’s hard to swallow. “No. Just annoyed.”

He laughs but doesn’t push it, lying back beside me, our shoulders pressed together. We stare at the moon and the stars, breathing in the cold. He shares my blanket, wrapping it around me as well.

Somehow, time seems to slow and speed up all at once. We must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I know, I’m being shaken awake again. Disorientation freezes my movements and my brain. The darkness is chased away by a pair of familiar blue eyes.

I’m in a new room in a new bed with no criminal and other contenders and I do not know how, but the worry in my mother’s eyes is enough to bring me back to the present.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked through our mind link. ‘You’re not supposed to be here.’

She nods but I see the pain in her eyes quite clearly. ‘It’s your brother.’

I sat up immediately. ‘What happened?’

‘His mate was,” My mother hesitates, eyes closing. ‘She was pregnant and lost her baby.’

I stilled, mind working slowly. ‘Did someone hurt her? Should I fly there right now?’

She shakes her head. ‘No one hurt her. It just… happened.’

I reached over and hugged her tightly. ‘But should we do something right? Should we go there? I can still leave--’

‘We don’t need to.’ The soft whisper of her words in my mind said. ‘Your brother is already here, waiting for you by the frozen lake.’

‘He left his mate?’ I had hoped the accusation in my voice wasn’t so loud. ‘He shouldn’t have–‘

‘His mate can’t travel right now and she pushed for your brother to be here for you.’ My mother explains. ‘You better go to him now. He’s not doing well.’

Before she could finish what she was saying, I was already on my feet. ‘Okay.’

Francesca lost her baby. I didn’t even know she was pregnant, but I still can’t imagine how horrible that must have been. Worried for both of them but especially for my brother who flew all the way here, I started running at lightning speed. I don’t even realize I’m not wearing any shoes or how I’m only in some cotton pajamas that still have blood on them from the brawl with the other contenders.

Hard, icy snow crunches under my bare feet as I trudge through the cold. The lake is only up ahead now and I can see the silhouette of my brother, sitting down on a rock. I approached him slowly, like I was approaching a wounded and angry animal. My brother is the type of person that needs his space and time to process. If I interrupt that, he’ll tear everything apart.

“She can’t have children.” His deep and sad voice broke the silence, having heard me arrive. He doesn’t turn to look at me, eyes staring at his red knuckles. “Well, we’re not sure but it's starting to look like it.”

I knew instantly that he had been punching something. Sitting beside him, I took his hands and started scooping up snow into it just like Taj Voss did. My brother doesn’t even flinch, eyes still glassy and staring at nothing.

He was angry now, teeth biting out and chest vibrating with a growl. “I know what everyone is thinking even if they don’t say it. They think I should find a different mate. That I should replace her to continue the royal bloodline.”

He lets out a scream then, throwing his head back. I half expected fire to come out of his mouth.

I move before I know what I’m doing, my arms wrapping themselves around my brother. He’s shaking in my arms and my neck is wet from the tears that are flowing from his eyes, but he relaxes into my arms like he always does. He hates being coddled, but with me… he allows it and even welcomes it. I don’t speak, he didn’t need me to right now. All he wanted was someone to let it all out on.

“Now everyone is looking at you. I can’t have heirs so they want yours.” He said after he had calmed down. “Your unborn children, can you believe it? They’re already demanding it.”

Want mine. I almost laughed. I had no mate. I don’t even have anything close to a mate and now the world wants my unborn children to sacrifice to the throne. What if I never find a mate? What if I never have children? What then? I have hunted down every single enemy. Killed and burned them. And now the Petrov blood is about to end.

What then?

Who’s next in line?

There was a long pause as Daniel was contemplating on saying something to me.

Annoyance bubbles inside me at being left in the dark. He’s hiding something but he’s not saying it. I don’t push it though. He’s going through enough. He didn’t need an angry sister berating him right now.

My brother will tell me what it is soon when he’s ready.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered to him because that’s all I could think of saying.