Chapter 1
"Smile, because smiles can mean everything and nothing."
Hey, J. Still up?
I yawn, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I blearily stare at the screen.
It's 11:49pm according to the digital clock on my dresser top, and after doing a two-night movie marathon, it is a well-deserved and accepted time for a college girl to be asleep.
Yep.
Wazzup?
I reply, stretching my neck in an attempt to wake myself.
I miss you.
<3
Suddenly, all my cells wake up, and I sit as straight as a rod.
Three words, and my heart is already getting out of hand.
I miss you more–delete, delete –Really?
Me too.
NO!
I delete the silly-sounding responses my fingers typed three more times before I concede with a lame,Uh-huh.
His reply is quick.
U shud say I miss you too ='(
Are u drunk, K?
Karim is a friend I haven't seen in a long time, like a long long time.
I'm talking about years long.
He's one of the nicest guys out there, and believe me when I say, I've seen and met a lot.
It is quite a surprise to actually hear from him out of the blue.
But who am I kidding?
Not myself.
I always check my phone for his messages, and I stalk his FB page every night, hoping that he'll be online and I can find a good enough reason to chat him up.
Last month, we were talking every night until one of us fell asleep.
Then suddenly, he became too busy for me.
And I tried to be busier still.
And like always, I never, ever initiated talking to him, for fear that he would realize what I truly feel.
Cliché?
Yes, I admit.
I'm in love with my best friend.
I'm in love with a guy who lived hundreds of miles away but knows exactly what to say to make me smile and laugh.
So what if it's one-sided?
Yes.
I'm drunk w/ my love for u.
Is it wrong to miss u, J?
My heart twists uneasily.
How can he say that easily?
If I am not used to his flirting tendencies, I would have succumbed to his charms a long time ago.
But I learned the hard way how it's easier to pretend with him.
He keeps a steady girlfriend – Lana.
He loves her; it is obvious.
You'll have to be blind if you can't see how stupid he acts when she's with him.
To him, I am nothing but a mere friend who happened to be a girl.
He believes I'm safe.
Immune to him even.
If that doesn't hurt, I don't know what will.
I sigh, replying after thinking of a suitable response for a minute too long.If u say so... how's ur day?
Good, but better if ur here.
I know.
I'm addicting that way.
I'm addicted to u <3
Ha ha.
Addicts go 2 jail, K.
Eh?
Come with me.
Ur a criminal for stealing my heart.
I bite my lower lip, but I can't help but feel the warmth in my cheeks.Shut up.
It takes him three minutes to reply, and by that time, I'm already restlessly rolling around my bed.Found a boyfriend there?
Am I no longer #1 in ur heart?
He's being silly again, and I know exactly why he texted me.
He wants his ego to be stroked.
He wants someone to confirm to him that he's desirable, that he's special.
I bet he did fight with his girlfriend... and as usual, I'm the one that's supposed to patch him up.
To make him feel better.
At the expense of my feelings.
The things I do for love...
"Hey, J!"
Karim engulfs me in a bear hug, and I pretend to struggle in pushing him away when in truth, I am melting in his arms.
He smells divine.
Yes, I sniffed him, and I will do it again if I get the chance again.
He pulls away, and I take the moment to study his features.
He is taller than I remember, with strong, clean-shaven jaws and a pair of mischievous dark eyes.
He looks immaculate in the button-up shirt with rolled up sleeves and snug jeans.
Inside, I am drooling.And my heart is breaking, aware that he is the one that can never be mine.
I put my bag and books on the table as I crinkle my nose at him.
With a forced grunt, I slid on the red booth of the diner.
"Why am I here again?" I ask, faking a scowl in order to keep the butterflies from flipping around too wildly in my stomach.
"I'm treating you to lunch, remember?" he laughs.
"Are you still a glutton?"
"There's nothing wrong with a girl that loves her food."
"I said nothing." He motions a waitress that we're ready to order.
"Why so cranky?
We haven't seen each other in... three years.
Did you have a bad day?"
I'm nervous, you idiot.
A waitress comes and takes our order, interrupting us, thankfully.
However, I notice that she lingered a bit longer than necessary on our booth, and if my woman instincts are correct – she's after my man.
My Karim.
I grit my teeth, hiding my frustration.
He's not yours.
You have no right, Jolie.
No right to be jealous.
"You're really pretty, you know?" Karim comments the moment the annoying waitress left us.
My ears are hot, and I know without seeing that they're beet red.
The butterflies in my stomach transforms into dragons.
It's insane how his words can easily melt my brain.
"I – uh, I .
.
."
Karim continues thoughtfully.
"I can't believe that you're still single.
I mean, there must be a decent guy out there who can treat you like a princess."
Can't it be you?
I tap my nails on the table, trying to pass my anxiety as impatience.
I take three calming breathes.
"And you drove three hours just to tell me that?
Really.
Are you okay?
Did something bad happen to you?"
There is this small part of me that wished something bad did happen.
Something along the lines of I-broke-up-with-Lana, and that he needs me to move on.
Or that he simply misses me, and he'll eventually realize that his affection for me is more than a friend's.
He shakes his head.
"Actually, I have a favor."
Just in time, the waitress arrives with our orders.
I immediately sip my milkshake.
The cold discomfort inside my empty stomach is bound to be a good distraction.
I tilt my head, feigning indifference.
"Favor?
I hope it's not money."
"No, no!" he laughs, and god, he has a beautiful laugh.
My toes curl a little at the sound.
"It's not like that."
"Then what's this tension about?
You're freaking me out."
"Actually..."
Karim slips his fingers in between mine and lifts my right hand to his lips.
My heart thunders; all I can hear are my heartbeats in my ears.
Karimmth shot through every vein in my body as his lips touch my skin, leaving it hot and tingling.
"... please?"
I blink.
My throat is dry.
Did he say something?
"W-What?"
He chuckles, eyes merry and wide.
"I said, I asked Lana to marry me.
She said yes."
I open my mouth, but no words manage to escape my lips.
His voice echoes inside my head, redundant, mocking, sincere, infuriating, saddening, but for some unknown reason, I feel nothing.
Empty.
Like something left me.
Like a gaping hole suddenly appeared inside my chest.
"Since her brother will be the best man, and I have no sisters, I want you to become our maid-of-honor."
And then, as reality slowly descends on my mind, I die a little inside.
I offer him a weak smile and a hug, and as tears stream down my face, I vow that I will do whatever it takes to make him happy.
Even if this means I have to cry every night.
After all, we are best friends.
"I want to be needed."
I have to stop crying.
I know I have to, but I can't.
"Why the tears, J?" Karim tenderly cups my face and wipes the wetness trailing down my cheeks.
Any other boy, I would have shirked away in disgust, but not him.
He's different.
He's very warm.
Why is he so warm?
"It's not like I'm dead or something."
There's a limit on how dense you can be, K.
I force a saucy grin on my face, drying my cheeks with the edge of my long sleeves.
But the tears just won't stop.
As if each tear carries a bit of sadness that fills my chest, and it is not running out anytime soon.
"I-I just can't believe it.
I thought I'll be the first one to tie the knot."
"Even though you're younger?"
"By a week?" My chuckle hurts my ears.
"I'm awesome like that."
Karim laughs my favorite throaty laugh and playfully squeezes my nose with his thumb and forefinger.
God, it's like he never changed.
How can three years not change a man?