Chapter 4

I wasn't any good at kissing. I just kissed Wilbur messily, licking into his mouth, my lips moving against his.

It was so quiet around us, I could hear every soft, breathy sound we made.

Wilbur, who had started out passive, now had one arm wrapped around my waist and the other holding the back of my head.

Slowly, I felt something hard pressing against my lower belly.

I realized what it was.

I smirked.

"Wilbur, let's get a room. You want it too, don't you?" I teased.

Wilbur suddenly froze, jerking away from me like he had been electrocuted.

He glanced down at his watch, clearly stalling.

"Time's up," he said.

I licked my lips, grinning.

We had been kissing for forty minutes.

He scrambled to pick up his laptop off the ground, his words coming out flustered and jumbled.

"I-I have to go back now," he blurted out.

"Hey, wait—" I called after him.

No matter how much I called out to him, Wilbur never looked back. He was rushing so fast he nearly tripped over himself, and it was kind of hilarious.

I knew he had to be catching feelings. There was no other reason for him to be that flustered.

I didn't bother him with any messages that night.

Figured I'd let him sort out his feelings for me on his own.

The next day, Stuart suddenly called me and said Wilbur had a fever and was in the hospital.

I said, "He was totally fine yesterday. How did he end up with a fever?"

Stuart sounded annoyed. "He brought it on himself. Swimming at night in the middle of winter, of course he got sick."

After mulling it over, I came up with a possibility.

Wilbur had probably been so worked up after we kissed that he had gone swimming to cool off.

I stroked my chin, proud of my detective skills. That had to be it.

I rushed to the hospital right away.

Wilbur was sitting up in the hospital bed, his cheeks flushed, his lips red and chapped, a fever patch stuck to his forehead.

When Wilbur saw me, he shot a look at Stuart. "You told her to come?"

"You were muttering Lucia's name all night. What else was I supposed to do?" Stuart replied.

"I-I wasn't," Wilbur stammered.

"Yeah, right, you weren't. You're the most stubborn person I've ever met. I'm going out to get breakfast," Stuart said.

The second I heard he had been saying my name, I couldn't take my eyes off Wilbur.

I watched every little thing he did. The way he avoided my gaze, the embarrassed flush on his face, the way he frowned and coughed.

I kept searching for any tiny hint, any proof that he actually liked me.

In the end, I couldn't hold back and asked, "You were saying my name?"

Wilbur was stubborn as ever. "Of course not. Even if I did say your name, it was just to tell you to go away."

He added, "You're so clingy."

For some reason, when he said "go away," my chest tightened unexpectedly.

We had kissed each other like we couldn't get enough, but he was still acting like this toward me.

Was it true what people said online? That guys really could separate their feelings from their bodies.

That they didn't have to have feelings for someone to enjoy hooking up with them.

But that wasn't what I wanted.

I didn't want just a casual fling.

I tried to tell myself he was being stubborn. I stared straight into his eyes, desperate to see that he was lying.

But all he did was dodge my gaze.

I forced a smile. "It's okay. It's okay if you don't like me right now. We still have over a month left. I'll keep trying."

I sounded casual, but only I knew how much my heart ached.

*****

Right before winter break, Wilbur posted a photo on his social media.

It was a promotional poster for a ballet performance.

In the center stood a pretty girl, leaping straight up with a lithe figure and graceful dance moves.

It had to mean something that he had posted a photo of another girl like this, given he almost never posted anything.

It meant they were close, and it also meant the girl was someone special to Wilbur.

I saw Stuart had liked the post.

I asked Stuart about it, fishing for information.

It turned out that the girl's name was Jocelyn Parson, and she and Wilbur grew up together.

Stuart said, "Their families have been close for generations. All the parents wanted Wilbur and Jocelyn to get together, but Jocelyn only cares about her ballet career.

"She's always said she'd devote her life to ballet, never get married or have kids. And she meant it; she left for overseas as early as high school.

"Don't worry. There's nothing going on between Wilbur and Jocelyn. If they were going to get together, it would've happened ages ago, not now."

Stuart's words didn't make me feel any better.

Even if nothing ever happened between them, it didn't stop him from still having feelings for her.

Could I really handle the fact that the guy I liked still had someone he couldn't let go of?

Honestly, I couldn't.

My love for him was pure and intense, and because of that, I couldn't stand the thought of sharing him with anyone else, even just in his heart.

He was my boyfriend. He had posted a photo of another beautiful girl out of nowhere. Shouldn't he explain that to me?

But I waited two days, and Wilbur never said a word about it.

I suddenly felt so tired.