Chapter 4

"Claire," Evan's voice snapped me out of my memories. He crouched down in front of me, gently holding my burned hand. "Tell me honestly, when Lily passed away... was it really painful for her?"

His palms were hot, his fingertips rough with calluses from years of wielding a sword. Those same hands had once held mine, teaching me how to write, how to recognize herbs, and how to steady myself the first time I waved a sword.

Back then, he wasn't sick yet, and I was just a little girl. He'd ruffle my hair and smile, saying, "Claire, you're going to be a legendary healer someday."

But I never became a legendary healer.

I ended up nothing but a fool.

I heard myself say, "It was painful."

Evan's grip tightened suddenly.

"But she was happy," I continued. "The Soulbloom gave her the most beautiful visions, letting her see the ones she missed most and live out her deepest wishes. So when she passed, she had a smile on her face."

Evan was stunned, and tears fell from his eyes in an instant.

Big, heavy drops landed on my hand, mingling with the burn blisters, making the pain and itch even worse.

"Was I... the one she wanted to see most?" Evan choked out.

I pulled my hand back. "Maybe."

But I knew it was.

Of course, the person Lily wanted to see most was Evan. All her plans, all her softness, every little thing she did, it was all for him. She wanted him to cherish her, to love her, to always make her his number one.

And she made it.

Even after she was gone, Evan still couldn't get her out of his mind.

"I'm going to join her," Evan suddenly stood up, his gaze vacant. "What's the point of living without Lily?"

"Go ahead," I said.

He stared at me, like he never expected I'd say that.

"The sword's hanging on the wall," I said, pointing to the corner. "And there's a cliff at Shadowcrest. One jump and it's over.

"If you want something faster, there's poison in the second drawer of the third row in the cabinet. It's colorless, tasteless, and you won't suffer for long."

With each sentence, Evan's face turned a shade paler.

"You..." His lips trembled. "Do you really hate me that much?"

Hate?

I laughed, and the tears came pouring out.

"Evan, I don't hate you," I said, wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes. "I'm just tired."

Loving someone was so draining. Especially when it was all one-sided.

"Go be with her," I murmured. "I've already given you all the blood you needed, the Soulbloom is gone, and you don't mean anything to me anymore."

I knew that was harsh.

But I couldn't help myself.

Three years of giving my blood, three years of pain, three years of hope and despair, all of it gnawed at my heart like a venomous snake.

I needed to say something, do something, to prove I was still alive, to show that everything I'd sacrificed these past three years wasn't all for nothing. Even if it meant becoming someone I couldn't even bear to look at myself.

Evan stumbled back, knocking over the table. The cups shattered, porcelain shards flying everywhere.

"Claire," he stared at me, his eyes burning. "You weren't like this before."

He was right. I wasn't like this before.

I used to secretly bring him ointment whenever he got hurt training with his sword. When he was sick, I'd stay up all night by his bedside. And whenever he frowned, I'd try everything just to see him smile.

I loved him so much, I would have died for him.

Now my life was hanging by a thread, and my love had burned down to nothing. There was nothing but ashes left.

"People change," I said. "Lily changed, and now she's gone. I've changed too. I'm not dead yet, but I'm almost there."

Evan shook his head again and again. "No, it wasn't supposed to be like this. I just wanted... I just wanted her to get better."

"And then what?" I asked. "If she gets better, are you going to marry her? Spend your whole life together? Start a family?

"And what about me? Am I supposed to stay here at Willowbrook Sanctuary, always standing behind you two, watching you be happy together?"

Evan was speechless.

He honestly never gave it a thought.

He never wondered what would happen after Lily got better, and he definitely never thought about me. To him, I was just background, someone who brewed potions, patched him up, and was always around, never worth a second thought.

Backgrounds didn't need a future. They simply existed.

"Just go," I said, turning away so I wouldn't have to look at him. "Go back to Silverblade Order and take care of Lily's funeral. And don't ever come back to Willowbrook Sanctuary."

"Claire..." he said.

"Go!" I shouted, my voice raw and hoarse, like a wounded animal.

Silence stretched on behind me for what felt like forever.

Then I heard shaky footsteps, retreating into the distance.

I leaned against the medicine cabinet and slowly slid down to the floor. The pain in my chest started up again. It was a dull, familiar ache, like a rusty knife twisting inside me.

I reached for the medicine bottle in my pocket, but my hand came up empty. Evan had knocked it over earlier.

Whatever. I didn't need it anyway. It was not like I had much time left.

Dusk settled outside, and Willowbrook Sanctuary fell silent once more. Only the wind whispered through the trees, and somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled faintly.

I sat alone in the dark, remembering the decision I made three years ago.

If I had the chance to do it all over again, would I still feed the Soulbloom with my heart's blood?

I didn't know.

But I did know one thing. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I'd never fall for Evan.

I swear I wouldn't.