Chapter 2
Cynthia. What a beautiful name. She must be the apple of her parents' eyes. Unlike me—got named Karen Smith like it didn't even matter.
Back in ninth grade, when Nicholas first met me, he found my name laughable. He even jokingly asked me if my parents hated me.
Looking at Nicholas, who was smiling so brightly, I suddenly burst into tears.
Because he was right.
My parents really did hate me.
After they got divorced, neither of them wanted me.
They even gave me this awful name in the first place—Karen Smith.
Nicholas was completely taken aback when I suddenly started crying.
He stared at me, not knowing what to do, then took me to the county court and helped me change my name to Kara Smith.
He told me that he would never hate me like my parents did, that I was the most precious and beautiful spark of life in this world.
But then, the spark I once was in his heart had faded away.
*****
Nicholas didn't come back until the dead of night.
By the time I even realized what was happening, he was already carrying me to bed.
He scolded gently, "Why did you just fall asleep on the couch with nothing over you? What if you caught a chill?
"Your hands and feet are freezing. If you get sick tomorrow, you'll have no one to blame but yourself."
After saying that, he wrapped me tightly in his arms.
He was radiating heat and reeked of alcohol.
In his arms, my frozen body thawed inch by inch.
But my heart stayed frozen, not even a flicker of warmth left inside.
Suddenly, I remembered the day we graduated at eighteen.
A bunch of us close friends got drunk at a bar. I just crashed on the couch there, nothing covering me at all.
It wasn't cold at all in June, but when Nicholas, who sobered up before me, saw I'd spent the whole night like that, he felt so bad for me.
He took my hand and tucked it into his chest, trying to warm me up.
No one had ever cherished me like that before. At that moment, I was completely swept away by Nicholas's warmth.
I said yes when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I even changed my plans and went to college in Northwyn with him.
Ten years—from school days to the wedding. We loved each other so fiercely that I could sense even the slightest sign when his love for me started to fade.
But I kept fooling myself, too scared to face the truth that he didn't love me anymore.
That phone call just now was a wake-up call, snapping me back to reality.
I had to admit it—he really didn't love me anymore.
Even if he still cared about me now, even if he held me to keep me warm, his heart had already changed.
Bathed in the moonlight, I looked up at him.
I carefully examined his face, searching for anything that might be different from before.
But I couldn't find a single thing.
He looked the same as ever—nothing about him had changed at all.
He noticed me watching him, and he looked like he was in a pretty good mood, giving me a gentle smile.
Then his gaze grew intense, locking onto my lips. He lowered his head, ready to kiss me.
But how could I ever let a man who cheated on me touch me again?
Almost on reflex, I turned my face away.
So his lips just brushed against my hair instead.
My movement seemed to really set him off.
Nicholas's arms around my waist suddenly tightened, squeezing me so hard it hurt.
His voice, tight with barely suppressed anger, came from above me. "Seriously, babe? What's with the attitude?
"Now you won't even let me touch you. Did you forget I'm your husband?"
I bit down hard on my lip and stayed silent. I was terrified that if I opened my mouth, I'd just start bawling my eyes out.
How could Nicholas say that to me? He was the one who betrayed me.
He was the one who fell for someone else. Who gave him the right to keep hurting me?
I dug my nails deep into my palms, using every bit of strength I had just to swallow down the bitterness in my throat and keep myself from bursting into tears.
But there was no way I could hide the sadness in my eyes.
He paused, caught off guard by the look in my eyes.
Then his tone softened, and his grip around my waist eased. "Alright, babe, you win. You always know how to get to me.
"I'll let you be, babe. Go to sleep."
He pulled me into his embrace, tucking my face against his chest—just as gentle and tender as he used to be.
But deep down, I knew—some things would never be the same again.
I wanted to raise my voice and confront him, to demand answers.
I wanted to scream at him, curse him, hit him like I'd lost my mind, and question him over and over.
I wanted him to tell me why his heart changed, why he fell for another woman, and what was so wrong with me.
But it felt like a lump of cold iron was stuck in my throat, and I just couldn't get a single word out.
I didn't know how much time passed before I finally heard him ask, "Was there something you needed when you called me earlier?"
My mind flashed to the shredded report card lying in the trash, and the lump in my throat only grew tighter, making it even harder to speak.
I used to love him so deeply. I longed so much for us to have a child together—someone who would truly belong to both of us.
But why did he have to betray me?
Finally, a single tear slid down from the corner of my eye, its bitter taste lingering on my lips—just like the pain in my heart.
When I didn't answer, he gave a helpless little laugh and said, "Babe, let's not fight anymore. Can we just make up?"
What a heart-melting thing to hear.
If I'd heard those words even just yesterday, I would've forgiven him for all the coldness and distance without a second thought and made up with him right away.
But now, I just didn't want that anymore.
When I fell for someone, I gave them everything—my heart, my soul, no holding back.
So I just couldn't wrap my head around how he could say he loved me, yet turned around and got all flirty and close with another woman.
I lay motionless in bed, curling my hands tightly into my palms, fighting to keep my fingers from trembling and to hold back the pain that cut right through me. I pretended to be asleep.
After what felt like forever, I heard a quiet sigh from above me.
And then, there wasn't another sound.