Chapter 2
After Gloria left, I just stood there in the living room for ages, not really knowing what to do with myself.
In the end, I made my way upstairs.
I wanted to clear the air with Ryan.
It was not like I was hell-bent on getting married, and I'd never try to force him into anything.
Just as I was about to knock, the door swung open from the inside.
Ryan stood there, his hair still damp, a faint scent of body wash clinging to him.
He looked like he was ready to go out again.
I froze for a second, caught off guard.
"You're going out again?" I asked.
Ryan leaned against the doorframe, with a sardonic grin.
"What, you're already trying to control who I hang out with even before we get married?" he said, his voice dripping with annoyance.
He was always like this.
Whenever things didn't go his way, his words would cut like a knife.
I tightened my grip on my hands, trying to explain.
"I just want to talk to you..." I said, my voice barely above a whisper, afraid to upset Ryan even more.
"Talk about what?" Ryan interrupted, his eyes cold and distant.
"Since you got what you wanted, drop the poor-me look," he said, his sarcasm sharp.
"It's honestly annoying," he muttered, clearly fed up.
With that, Ryan stormed off again, leaving me behind.
The apartment fell so quiet that I could hear nothing but my own breathing.
All the family meet-ups since New Year's had just drained our relationship, until there was almost nothing left.
But I'd already compromised so much for him.
I kept making excuses for him, always convincing myself to hold on a bit longer.
But in the end, none of it made a difference.
*****
Ryan didn't come home until the middle of the night.
I was barely asleep.
In my drowsy state, I heard glass shattering downstairs. Then it hit me. He was drunk out of his mind.
Worried he'd cut himself, I rushed down right away.
After getting him back to our room, I saw Ryan's phone light up.
It was a text from one of his friends: [Hey, you get home okay?]
I didn't think twice, just grabbed his phone and shot back a reply for him.
But my gaze happened to catch another message he'd sent a few hours before.
It read: [Sometimes I think I should just get married. Maybe that'll teach her for giving up on us back then.]
Just a single sentence, totally out of the blue.
It was like a knife to the chest, cutting right into the softest part of my heart.
Turns out, after all these years, Emily was still the one he truly cared about.
The biting ache in my chest was cut short by his sudden embrace.
Ryan, still half-asleep, rolled over and instinctively pulled me into his arms.
His chin nestled into the curve of my neck, just like he'd done a thousand times before.
I never told Ryan about this.
Honestly, I loved how he leaned on me whenever he drank.
It was only in moments like these that I let myself believe, even for a second, that he really loved me.
As the phone screen slowly dimmed, it cast a faint glow on my drained, hollow face, like all the light had been drained right out of me.
Even his embrace felt cold now, the warmth between us fading away.
I slipped free without any resistance and just stood there, watching Ryan sleep.
Finally, I picked up my pillow and walked out of the bedroom.
Tonight was our first night sleeping apart since we moved in together.