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The day I won the Violin Laureate, a video from five years ago was dug up and spread online. In the video, I was on my knees in the pouring rain next to a man soaked in blood, lying on the ground. I was screaming for help. My face twisted in terror and despair. That night, James Carter, who hadn't reached out to me in five years since we broke up, gave me a call. James sounded stunned and lost. "Did you ever care about me? Why did I never know?"