Chapter 4
Forty minutes later, the alarm went off.
I went to the living room to get my daughter.
Kate handed her over, then asked whether there was any coffee left in the kitchen.
I said I didn't know and carried the baby back to the bedroom.
After feeding her, I didn't lie down.
The care agency's number was still on my phone's dial screen; I hadn't called it since coming home from the hospital.
Daniel had said the caregiver had taken on another family, but I needed to ask for myself.
Megan, who handled scheduling, answered.
She recognized my name and first asked how the baby and I were doing.
"I'd like to restart the overnight care we booked. What's the soonest someone could come?"
She paused, then said she needed to check the records.
I put the phone on speaker and set it beside me on the bed.
My daughter slept in her bassinet, a little milk still at the corner of her mouth.
"Your original caregiver has been assigned to another family," Megan said. "We're fully booked for overnight care this week. I can check for any last-minute openings, but I can't promise anything yet."
"So you can't reinstate any of the six weeks?"
"We can't restore the original schedule. I'll need to work out a new one."
I looked at the basket beside the bed and asked when the cancellation had been processed.
The date Megan gave me was five days before I'd given birth.
That afternoon, I'd even sent Daniel the overnight feeding plan.
He'd replied that he'd got it and told me not to worry about it anymore.
"What did my husband tell you?"
"He said you'd arranged for a family member to help on an ongoing basis and no longer needed overnight care."
"Did he say I'd agreed?"
I could hear her going through the records.
"His email says you discussed it and decided to have a family member take over."
I tightened my grip on the phone.
"We never discussed it."
Megan was quiet for a moment, then asked if I wanted a copy of the cancellation confirmation.
I asked her to send me the relevant emails and the original care schedule, and gave her my number to use for any future scheduling.
After we hung up, I opened the email that had just arrived.
The agency had warned Daniel that canceling could mean our caregiver would be reassigned, and that restarting the service would depend on availability.
He'd replied to confirm the cancellation.
Below that was a follow-up email asking whether he wanted to keep some of the overnight visits.
He'd said we already had someone at home to help and wouldn't need them.
I read those lines twice.
He'd had the chance to keep some help in place, and he'd turned it down for me twice.
At noon, Daniel called to ask how things were at home.
"I called the care agency."
"What did they say?"
"They can't restart the service yet."
"That's what I told you."
He sounded relieved, as though this finally proved his point.
"Megan said she asked if you wanted to keep some of the overnight visits, and you turned her down."
The other end of the line went quiet.
"Kate's right there. We don't need both."
"She slept in the guest room last night. Every time the baby woke up, I was the one who got up to take care of her."
"Didn't she take over this morning?"
I glanced at the email on my phone.
"If she's only helping during the day, why did you cancel the overnight care?"
"Emma, it was only the first day. Besides, she needs enough rest too."
"But I need rest even more. You shouldn't have canceled the service without asking me."
He let out a breath.
"Emma, I thought it was the best arrangement at the time."
Our daughter stirred in her bassinet.
I reached out to steady myself against the edge of the bed and stopped arguing with him about it.
"I've asked the agency to put together a new schedule," I said.
"What about Kate?"
I looked at the burp cloths in the laundry basket, still damp.
"Right now, I'm worried about who's going to help me tonight."
He didn't answer.
A moment later, I heard someone call his name.
He said he had to get back to a meeting and ended the call.