Chapter 3
That night, James didn't come home again.
I spent the whole night alone, crying with my eyes wide open until sunrise.
This was what life looked like after I discovered my husband's cheating.
When he came home, I couldn't sleep.
When he didn't, I still couldn't sleep.
It wasn't until the next morning, when I saw blood on my underwear, that I jolted awake, crying and panicking as I rushed to the hospital.
On the way to the hospital, I desperately called James again and again.
He didn't pick up.
Since I started turning a blind eye to his cheating, he got used to acting this way: replying to my WhatsApp messages whenever he felt like it, and ignoring me whenever he didn't feel like it.
Back then, even if I just sent him a random emoji, he'd blow up my phone with message after message.
He'd ask, [Did you eat yet?]
Or, [Where are you going today?]
My chest was flooded with a tangled mess of bitterness and pain as those memories washed over me.
I forced myself to snap out of it, not letting my mind spiral.
After all, at my last prenatal checkup, the doctor told me I was already showing signs of miscarriage because my emotions were all over the place.
I couldn't lose this baby.
Right now, this baby was the only thing still tying me and James together.
My family was still relying on this baby to keep the money coming from James.
And for me, this baby was the only solace I had left in this hopeless marriage.
But whenever I thought about the baby, sadness would well up in my chest all over again.
I still remember how happy we both were when we first learned I was pregnant. Back then, we couldn't wait to meet our baby.
But somehow, in just five short months, this baby has turned into nothing but a way to keep me and James connected.
My chest was gripped by a deep, aching pain, and tears just started streaming down my face, especially when I walked into the hospital for my checkup and saw James holding another girl close, waiting with her at the blood test area.
At that moment, a wave of despair crashed over me.
In the lobby of the private hospital, James was gently stroking the girl's hair.
"Be good, let the doctor take your blood so we can see if it's the flu," he said softly.
The girl pouted at him. "No, I'm scared of needles."
A faint smile tugged at James's lips.
"You really are just a kid, aren't you?" he teased.
Then he pulled her into his arms and planted several kisses on her cheek.
This was the first time I'd ever seen James with this girl in person. Before, all I knew was what I saw in that video that got sent to our family group chat.
I always thought the girl James was cheating with was the flirty, party-girl type.
But I never expected her to be so sweet and pure, almost like me when I was eighteen.
As I stood there, caught up in my tangled thoughts, James suddenly noticed me.
He released the girl, totally unfazed, and strolled over like nothing was out of the ordinary.
James looked at me, his tone casual, "What are you doing here?"
I tried to choke back the bitterness in my throat, about to tell him I was here because I was bleeding.
But before I could say a word, James interrupted, "Are you following me?"
The words froze in my throat.
James continued, his voice laced with accusation.
"Emily, I thought we had an understanding: we'd keep things civil and not make a scene.
"But I never thought you'd do something so gross."
My chest tightened with suffocating pain.
I never imagined I'd become this kind of person in James's eyes.
Seeing me and James arguing, the girl James had just let go of walked over.
She tugged at James's sleeve, then turned to me with an apologetic look.
"Sorry, Emily. James has been really stressed out lately because of work, so he's been a little irritable," she said.
Then she glanced back at James.
"James, don't be so harsh with Emily. She's definitely not following you. This is a hospital. She must have something important to do here," she said.
Then she walked over and hooked her arm through mine.
"Emily, are you feeling sick? James mentioned last night that you're still having morning sickness even though you're five months along," she said.
"Is something wrong with the baby? Did you make an appointment with the doctor? Let James go with you to see the doctor, okay?" she added.
Her arm around mine felt like a snake coiling around me.
I really wanted to force a smile, swallow the pain in my chest, and just tell her, "Thanks, but I'm fine."
I wanted to stay composed and explain to James that I was only here because I was worried about a possible miscarriage.
But it had been two months since James cheated, and I'd been bottling up everything, forcing myself to act normal. The pain inside me had long since gone way beyond what I could handle.
So when the girl openly rubbed it in my face like that, and James didn't say a single word to defend me, that was the last straw for me.
I jerked her arm away in anger and stepped back twice.
"Why are you grabbing me? Are you trying to infect me with your flu? Don't you realize I'm pregnant and can't be around anyone contagious?" I snapped.
I barely touched her, but out of nowhere, the girl suddenly dropped to the floor.
As soon as the girl hit the floor, James totally lost it.
"Emily, what the hell are you doing? Why did you push Sophie?" he yelled.
He rushed over, shoved me aside, and helped the girl up.
His shove didn't hurt, but it left me feeling suffocated.
I tried to hold it in, but I just couldn't anymore.
"James, don't forget I'm your wife. You're out here holding another woman in front of everyone, and you don't even care about my dignity. Why should I pretend everything's okay for you when you won't even show me a shred of respect?" I snapped.
As I said that, my fingers were trembling as I gripped my bag.
Meanwhile, the girl next to James suddenly burst into tears.
"I'm sorry, Emily. I I didn't do it on purpose. I was just worried about you, that's why I grabbed your arm," she said, her voice shaking.
"Please, don't fight with James. It's all my fault, I'm begging you, please don't be angry," she pleaded.
Then, she abruptly pushed James away.
"James, you stay here with Emily. I...I'm going," she said.
With that, she ran out of the hospital in a panic.
James's face went dark, his eyes full of anger as he glared at me. "Emily, you're just being dramatic."
Without even looking back at me, he hurried after the girl without a second thought.
Watching him leave, the tears just started falling before I could stop them.
Dramatic? Really?
So he cheated on me, and the second I called him out, I was the one making a scene? Seriously?
My chest ached so much it went numb.
Just then, my phone rang. It was the nurse, wondering why I hadn't come in for my appointment yet.
Sniffling, I wiped my tears and made my way to the exam room.
Thankfully, the results were okay. The bleeding was still just a warning sign, so all I had to do was take some meds and stay in bed at home. No hospital stay needed.
Before I left, the doctor warned me again, "Seriously, you need to calm down. If you keep stressing out like this, you could lose the baby."
My chest was gripped by a crushing ache.
As I left the hospital, I hardened my heart and made myself a promise.
This time, I really, truly wouldn't let James's actions shake me ever again.
All I wanted was for my baby to be okay.
But that night, my dad called me up.
His voice sounded weary, weighed down by exhaustion.
"Emily, could you do me a favor and ask James? Can you find out why he suddenly decided to stop paying the bank interest for our company next month?" he asked, sounding helpless.
I kept my voice steady as I told him I'd ask James that night, but the moment I hung up, I just broke down and sobbed uncontrollably.
I never imagined Sophie could be this important to James, so important that just because I barely said a few words to her this afternoon, he'd actually threaten to cut off my dad's money to punish me.
A wave of disgust crashed over me.
But even more overwhelming was the despair, the kind that came from being trapped in a marriage that was a total wreck, knowing I couldn't escape no matter how hard I tried.