Chapter 2

It was a pregnancy test result. And the patient's name was Summer James.

The gestational age made my head spin.

Three weeks pregnant.

That meant Lucas had already done the artificial insemination a whole month ago.

He'd never planned on discussing it with me or getting my agreement at all.

So why did he spend this whole month asking me over and over?

To make himself feel better about it? What did he even think I was to him?

All the strength drained out of my body. I collapsed onto the floor.

My heart felt like someone was squeezing it in their fist. I couldn't breathe.

No wonder Lucas couldn't hide his happiness earlier. No wonder he rushed out after that call.

Summer was pregnant. He'd probably gone straight to the hospital to celebrate with her.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Endless sadness spread through my chest.

I couldn't believe it. The man I'd loved for so many years was now the father of another woman's child.

Just two months ago, he'd said yes when I proposed. We'd planned the wedding for next month. I'd already booked the dress and the venue.

I'd been so excited for that day, and for walking down the aisle holding Lucas's arm.

But now, all that hope was gone. It became bubbles popping in the air.

My phone buzzed, pulling me back.

I answered without thinking.

It was Megan, a girl from my advisor's group. Her cheerful voice came through.

"Natalie, I know you're getting married, but I have to ask one more time—are you sure you won't reconsider joining our lab?" she said. "You were the professor's best student. He's always wanted you to come help him."

"And since you're about to settle down, he said he'd let you do two months in the lab, then two weeks off. That way you'd still have time with your husband," she added.

The professor had started a new lab in Jingopolis six months ago. He'd called me personally to invite me to join his research.

But once you were in the lab, you couldn't contact the outside world. Not until the research phase ended.

It could be a month or two. It could be a year or two.

I didn't want to be apart from Lucas that long. I couldn't stand not being able to talk to him.

So I'd said no.

But now, the pregnancy test flashed through my mind.

Lucas was already someone else's baby's father.

If he'd never considered our relationship or our upcoming wedding at all, then there was no point in getting married.

My grip on the phone tightened.

"Megan, I'll come. No time off. Just follow the normal lab schedule," I replied.

Megan's excited voice rang out. "That's amazing! The professor will be so happy. When are you thinking of coming? A week after the wedding? That way you can still take a honeymoon."

I answered quietly, "No. The day of the wedding."

My eyes went to the calendar on the table.

The tenth of next month was circled in thick red marker.

I'd done that to remind myself how many days were left until the wedding, so I could get everything ready.

Now, it was my countdown to leaving Lucas.

Fifteen days left.

Twenty years of feelings deserved that much of a goodbye.

In fifteen days, Lucas and I would never see each other again.

*****

Lucas didn't come home that night. I didn't call to ask where he was.

I'd already seen it on Summer's Twitter.

They'd left the hospital in the afternoon and gone straight to Summer's house to tell her family about the baby.

In the photo, Summer's grandmother was holding Lucas's hand warmly. His other hand rested on Summer's stomach, and he was smiling softly.

In five years together, Lucas had only come home with me once, and that was after I proposed. Even though our families lived less than thirty minutes apart, he would never come over on his own before that.

He said he didn't like being around older people. It made him uncomfortable.

And even that one time, he was only polite and distant. Nothing like the gentle way he smiled at the James family in that photo.

I swallowed the bitterness and turned off my phone.

The next day, I met up with some friends and told them the wedding was off.

Back when we were planning it, Lucas said he didn't like weddings and that he thought they were pointless formalities.

I had to push just to get him to agree to a small ceremony. Only our closest friends and family.

Everyone knew how much I loved Lucas. So my friends were shocked when I said the wedding was canceled.

"You've liked him for years. You're finally about to win him over, and you're giving up?" one of them said.

My chest ached.

Did I want to give up? No.

I'd chased Lucas for twenty years before he finally agreed to marry me.

Letting go of twenty years of feelings wasn't easy.

But the truth was, this relationship had never been equal.

Because from start to finish, I was the one chasing Lucas.

And he never once stopped for me.

I used to not mind. I thought I spent twenty years getting him to agree to marry me. I could spend the rest of my life getting him to open up to me.

We had plenty of time. I could wait.

But everything changed six months ago, when Summer showed up, calling herself his savior.

That's when I realized Lucas wasn't cold to everyone. He was gentle with Summer in a way he'd never been with me.

Back then, I told myself he was only repaying a life debt.

But then Summer got cancer. And he actually agreed to have a baby with her.

He pretended to ask for my permission while secretly already getting her pregnant.

That was when I knew for sure that Lucas and I were done.

No matter how hard it was to cut out twenty years of feelings, I had to do it.

I didn't tell my friends why. I said I was going to the lab and would be out of contact for long stretches.

To make up for canceling, I stayed out with them until midnight.

When I got home, Lucas had just walked in too.

He smelled the alcohol on me and frowned, stepping back and covering his nose.

"Stay away from me. Don't get that alcohol smell on me," Lucas said.

I laughed bitterly.

He was worried the smell would get on him and then affect Summer.

Because she was pregnant now.

The meaning was so obvious. He wasn't even trying to hide it.

But since he wasn't going to say it out loud, I wasn't going to bring it up either.

I didn't say anything. I walked away and took a shower.

When I came out, Lucas was tapping away on his phone, smiling.

I glanced at him and headed to the bedroom.

But he called out to me.

"I need to talk to you about something," he said.

I stopped.

Last time he said that, it was the first time he brought up having a baby with Summer. And then we fought for a whole month.

Now that Summer was already pregnant, what else could there be?