Chapter 5

I slept for a long time.

In my dreams, sometimes I'd see Frank, right before he left, hugging me tight, his voice thick with worry and pain. "Hannah, you need to behave yourself from now on. You're way too mischievous.

"You have to remember others won't be as kind to you as I am. Nobody else is me."

Other times, I'd dream of that day in Harborville, the whole city blanketed in snow, me clutching Frank's ashes.

Nathan took my hand and walked me home, his palm broad and warm.

He told me, "From now on, the Foster family is your home."

And in the end, everything faded away, leaving only Nathan's voice, full of anger and resentment: "Hannah, what are you playing at?"

I woke up with a start.

I got out of bed and pulled back the curtains. Nathan was still outside, standing in the snow.

Snow clung to his eyebrows and lashes, and his clothes were soaked through, heavy and cold from the night.

He'd been standing there all night, his lips set in a hard line, back ramrod straight. He didn't budge at all.

Some of the military wives walked by, stealing glances at him and gossiping quietly.

I couldn't catch what they were saying, but I could pretty much guess.

Probably something like, "Poor guy. He's so young and full of promise, but he has to spend his whole life with someone he doesn't care about."

I stared at Nathan, out there in the snow, like he was carved from ice.

Frank's words echoed in my mind: "Hannah, others won't be as kind to you as I am."

I guess he had a point.

Nathan treating me coldly wasn't really his fault.

He wasn't my real family, and he only became my husband because he was forced to. He never owed me kindness.

His heart belonged to someone else, but he was stuck with me for life.

No one would be happy in his place.

My hand tightened around the curtain.

Once I'd made up my mind, I turned around and picked up the divorce papers from the table.

I left my bedroom and went into David's study.

David was standing by the window.

When he saw me come in, he hurriedly drew the curtains, looking guilty and nervous, like he was trying to cover something up, but it only made it more obvious.

He always had a soft spot for Nathan, but when it came to talking, he was all tough words. "Rest assured. I won't let him up until he apologizes and gives in to you."

I gripped the divorce papers tightly.

I walked up to the desk, my tone serious. "David, yesterday I went to the military housing and told Nathan I wanted a divorce.

"I'm not making a scene or acting out. I'm serious."

David's face stiffened for a moment, but he quickly regained his stern composure. "Hannah, I know what's going on in your head.

"That brat wronged you, and as long as I'm alive, he's got to look after you for the rest of your life.

"If he tries anything reckless, it'll be over my dead body."

I quietly set the divorce papers on the desk. Then I said, "David, I can't keep living like this with him.

"He doesn't want to be stuck with someone he doesn't love for the rest of his life.

"And I feel the same way. I don't want to spend my life with someone who doesn't love me back."

David looked at me, momentarily at a loss for words.

In his commanding eyes, I could see both helplessness and a heavy guilt.

All these years, I knew he really tried his best for me.

After thinking it over, I decided to come clean and tell him the whole truth. "The Southern Frontier is preparing for a counterattack against Vyrthala.

"I applied to go there as a Field Medic, passed the assessment, and I'll be leaving in about ten days."

David stared at me in disbelief. "Hannah, what kind of nonsense is this?"

In all these years, he'd never spoken to me so harshly before.

I'd been living with the Fosters for fourteen years, always playing the good girl.

He was tough on his subordinates, and as hard on Nathan.

But with me, he always went a little softer, almost without realizing it.

After snapping at me, he realized he'd been too harsh and softened his tone. "You've never been on the battlefield. You don't understand that bullets don't care who they hit.

"You've spent years in a hospital, but being a regular doctor and a Field Medic are worlds apart.

"I'll deal with that brat myself. Don't put yourself in harm's way, got it?"

Back then, I would never have dared to go against him.

But this time, I stood my ground. "I've made up my mind, David. I'm not changing it.

"Fourteen years ago, during the war in the Southern Frontier, my brother died there.

"Fourteen years later, Vyrthala is provoking us, showing no regard for past friendship.

"If Frank were still here, he'd be furious.

"He can't go anymore, so I want to go in his place."

After a long silence, David's eyes grew misty. "Hannah, I really underestimated you."

I said softly, "I can't be the brave soldier my brother was. All I can do is try to do my small part."

David's expression turned grave.

After a long moment, he finally walked over to me.

He gave my shoulder a firm pat. "Frank used to tell me his little sister was the most rebellious one.

"Now, after fourteen years, I finally get to see it for myself."

My eyes were red, and I was so choked up I couldn't say a thing.

Nathan stayed standing in the snow until almost noon, when David finally let him get up.

He didn't stop to catch his breath. He got up and made a beeline for Charlotte.

Rumor had it, David showed up at the hospital that morning to check in on Charlotte's mother, who was seriously ill.

Plenty of people saw him, and the gossip was flying.

Most folks figured David had found out about Nathan and Charlotte's relationship.

David was the kind of guy who couldn't stand any nonsense, so he went over to Charlotte's family and read them the riot act.

With all the gossip swirling, Charlotte ended up leaving the troupe that very night.

Word was, the troupe gave her the boot.

Charlotte was devastated, and her mother's condition got worse. Her life was hanging by a thread.

Nathan didn't come home that night either.

*****

That night, I went back to the old house where Frank and I used to live.

Sure enough, there was another letter waiting for me, another one from her.

In her letter, she wrote in her neat handwriting, badmouthing the country that's stirring up trouble with us: [You fought for them back then, and now they're a bunch of ungrateful bastards.

[Frank, looks like another war's about to break out over here.

[Why aren't you coming over to show those punks how it's done?]

Some of the words were smudged. Reading her letter, I felt I could see her on the other side of the paper, eyes red and quietly crying.

Fourteen years had passed. Maybe she wasn't the same girl she used to be.

I'd only met her once. Fourteen years ago, she was the one who brought Frank's ashes back to me.

She asked me, "Little Hannah, is anyone looking after you? Do you want to come with me?"

I thought about it for a long time, then shook my head. "No, I'll stay."

Frank was gone. But she was still young. She could always find someone new to start over with.

But with me in tow, it'd be a lot harder for her to do that.

But after all these years, it seemed like she was still on her own.

Thinking about it, I'd received dozens of letters from her over the years.

For the first time, I wrote her back: [I've applied to come over as a Field Medic. I want to see you.]