Chapter 4
I first met Nathan when I was thirteen.
That year, my brother, Frank Turner, was sent to the Southern Frontier to fight in the war.
Before he left, Frank told me, "If I don't come back, go to the Foster family and find Colonel David Foster. He's the one who taught me. He'll look after you."
I waited and waited, but Frank never came home. All I got was a medal for his bravery.
Holding Frank's ashes, I went to the military housing to find David. But he was away on an urgent mission.
Nathan came out to see me.
Nathan was in his early twenties, towering over me in his crisp military uniform, his expression solemn as he looked down. "You're here for my dad? What do you want with him?"
I clutched Frank's ashes to my chest, my lips quivering. Before I could get a word out, tears welled up in my eyes.
Nathan looked taken aback by my reaction.
He glanced down at what I was holding, and it took him a moment to realize. "You're Frank's sister?"
The winter wind howled.
Nathan swiftly shrugged off his military coat, gave it a quick shake, and draped it over my shoulders without saying a word.
He reached out, offering to help with Frank's ashes.
I hugged the urn close and took two steps back, defensive.
Nathan paused, then let out a sigh. "Don't be afraid. I'll handle everything regarding your brother. The government will support you. From now on, you're part of the Foster family."
He took my hand, and together we crunched through the snow and ice, making our way to the military housing. Then finally, he brought me home.
*****
The first two years after Frank left, I was timid and shy.
At my new school, I barely spoke a word.
Back at the Fosters' place, I couldn't look up at the stern David.
I was always hungry.
At school, I never dared to eat much, and at the Fosters' dinner table, I was too timid to help myself to more food.
David was a rough guy, and he figured that's how much girls eat.
At night, I lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.
My stomach was so empty it felt sour, my hands and feet were freezing, and I couldn't get warm no matter what.
Late at night, Nathan suddenly knocked on my bedroom door.
He stood outside, holding a tray.
On it was a pan-fried steak, so tender it practically melted, the smell wafting through the hallway.
Nathan told me it was leftovers from the kitchen at the military housing.
He said he couldn't finish it all himself, and if his dad caught him, he'd get chewed out, so he wanted me to help him polish it off.
My stomach was growling, and I ate so fast my lips were slick with grease.
Nathan sat across from me, grinning. "Why are you so awkward, huh?"
My face turned bright red, and my eyes sting with embarrassment.
After that, whenever Nathan went to get more food at the table, he'd always quietly serve me another helping.
It was only then that I realized nobody was paying attention to whether I had an extra plate of food.
*****
When I was nineteen, Harborville was hit by a cold snap. I couldn't get warm at night and ended up with a high fever.
Nathan went to the supply store and brought me back a hot water bottle.
That night, he came to my room with some medicine.
He handed me the hot water bottle and told me to stick it under my blanket to keep my feet warm.
I was burning up, barely able to think straight. Through the feverish haze, I looked at him and suddenly reached out, grabbing him and holding on tight.
I couldn't tell if it was the fever messing with my head, making me think he was Frank.
Since Frank passed away, it was the first time I'd ever dared to do something so reckless.
Even knowing it was Nathan, I couldn't let go.
I thought he'd push me away, maybe yell at me. But he didn't. He didn't move at all.
For a long moment, neither of us moved or said a word.
8For quite a while, I kept thinking that maybe Nathan liked me, too.
Then, one night, someone forced hard liquor on him and got him completely wasted.
He was supposed to be locked down at the barracks for training, but in the dead of night, he broke curfew and snuck back to the military housing.
Half out of it, he fumbled his way into his own bedroom, only to find me already lying in his bed.
There was a female guest staying at the Fosters' place, so she took over my room.
David said Nathan was locked down at the barracks for training and wouldn't be back for at least two weeks, so he told me to stay in Nathan's room for a few days.
I'd long since stopped letting myself remember what happened that night.
The next day, Nathan was made to stand right in the center of the military housing. His father punished him there for the first time.
A thick stick came down hard on him, but Nathan didn't make a single sound.
Even someone as tough as Nathan couldn't withstand it. Eventually, he was beaten to the ground, his back left raw and torn open, blood seeping through his uniform.
After that, Nathan asked me to marry him.
He told me he was sorry, confessed that he loved me, and said he wanted to spend his life with me.
All I knew was that Nathan had never once lied to me. But I was wrong.
*****
After we got married, Charlotte came knocking at our place, crying and causing a scene.
Nathan went off to talk with her alone for nearly an hour. When he finally came back, I asked him what happened.
He replied coldly, "Hannah, what are you playing at?"
That was when I realized he'd never believed I was innocent.
After what happened between us, David laid down the law: if Nathan didn't marry me, he'd be kicked out of the army and sent to the Southern Frontier to serve at the grassroots level.
At that time, something had happened to Charlotte's family, and Nathan couldn't walk away.
That night, I was so furious I was shaking all over. Completely losing control, I shouted at him, "Do you really think I wanted to marry you?"
Nathan's forehead veins popped as he gave a cold, sarcastic laugh. "Fine. Stay the hell away from me from now on."
After that, things between us were never peaceful again.
He went out of his way to funnel every bit of his pay to Charlotte.
He hated me, and this was his way of getting back at me.