Chapter 1

Joseph Foster struggled with expressing emotions.

After three years of marriage, he had never once said, "I love you."

When our son Andy Foster was born, he stood there like he was just some outsider and commented, "He's ugly."

When my father died, Joseph showed up late. The first words out of his mouth were telling me to go change Andy's diaper.

"The living matter more than the dead," he said.

I couldn't take it anymore and blew up right there at the funeral.

But everyone tried to calm me down. "Joseph's a military man. Sure, he's a bit clueless about romance, but in every other way he's top notch. Why make things so ugly?"

I stayed silent through the funeral, and on the way home, I asked for a divorce.

What they didn't know was that Joseph was late to the funeral because he playing the groom at a wedding for the widow of a fellow soldier.

*****

With one arm wrapped around Olivia Shaw and the other cradling her child, Joseph delivered a wedding toast that stretched nearly half an hour, his eyes glistening with tears.

Before that, he refused to be a pallbearer for my father, saying he didn't know how to cry.

He wasn't clueless about emotions. His so-called emotional issues were reserved just for me.

When I mentioned divorce, Joseph's brow furrowed for a moment, but his face quickly went back to that emotionless look.

"I'm sorry for being late to the funeral, but Andy's still young. Don't throw divorce around like that," he said.

As he finished speaking, he caught me moving to switch seats.

He put his hand over mine. "You should sit in the back. Olivia always takes the front seat. Her back's bad, so she won't have to bend over later."

I paused, noticing a lipstick left behind on the passenger seat.

Without saying a word, I turned and slid into the back.

The back seat was piled high with kids' toys, and colorful balloons were tied to the headrests.

There was a woman's silk scarf lying right next to me, still carrying a delicate fragrance.

It had the same scent as Joseph's clothes.

At my feet was half a piece of bread, and food crumbs and streamers were scattered everywhere.

I glanced at Joseph, but he looked completely unfazed, like this was just another day for him.

His emotional issues came with a serious obsession for cleanliness.

Once, I spilled a drink in the car by accident. He blew up and dumped me on the side of the road, miles from home.

Another time, I changed Andy's diaper in the car. He was so disgusted by the smell that he had the car cleaned over ten times.

I clutched my chest, feeling the ache inside grow sharper.

Reaching into my bag, I felt the recommendation letter my father had slipped in before he died.

I exhaled softly, telling myself I wouldn't let Joseph upset me anymore.

Soon, I'd be heading south. My father had made sure there was a way out for me there.

Joseph noticed me looking at the decorations in the car. For once, he offered an explanation. "Olivia has a hard enough time raising Ben on her own. It was his birthday..."

I cut him off. "Yeah, I understand."

Olivia's husband died on a peacekeeping mission while saving Joseph.

Looking after Olivia and her son was Joseph's duty.

I'd heard that excuse more times than I could count.

Whenever Olivia wanted something, Joseph never turned her down.

Back then, I used to argue with him all the time.

I was furious that he spent my entire pregnancy accompanying Olivia on her getaway, never once being there for me.

I was angry that on the day I gave birth, he spared our son only a passing glance, left him nameless, and instead took Olivia's boy to an amusement park.

I was upset that he never once held Andy, but every night he would tuck Olivia's son in before coming home.

But now, I couldn't even muster a hint of jealousy. I just quietly gazed out the window.

Silently, I kept track of how many days were left until I could leave.

As the car pulled into the neighborhood, the security guard greeted Joseph warmly. "Mr. Foster, haven't seen you out walking with your wife and kid today."

A brief silence hung in the air, and Joseph instinctively glanced at me.

Seeing no reaction from me, he quickly brushed it off. "Been busy lately."

Then he awkwardly explained to me, "Olivia lives nearby. We sometimes run into each other when I go jogging. The guard probably got the wrong idea."

I stayed calm. "It's fine."

Joseph rarely ever went out with me, so people in the neighborhood would see me walking around alone with my pregnant belly and start gossiping, saying I was some rich guy's mistress.

I used to break down and beg Joseph to spend time with me, so the rumors would stop.

Even if it was a simple walk around the block, at least it would put an end to all the talk.

But all I ever got from him was a casual, "Every woman has to deal with childbirth. Olivia was never as dramatic as you."

That faint smile on his lips whenever he mentioned Olivia made my meltdown look like a joke.

Seeing I didn't react at all, Joseph stopped himself from saying anything more.

Maybe he was feeling guilty, because for the first time ever, he actually invited me to join his old army friends' gathering for once.