Chapter 4

As soon as I came downstairs, I spotted Jessie heading my way.

After Ryan and I rented our place here, Jessie went ahead and got the apartment right next door.

Back then, she said, "Real friends stick together for life."

Jessie barely glanced at me as she walked by.

She said, "Ryan crashed at my place last night."

I just ignored her and kept moving.

Jessie added, "Not the first time, you know."

Of course, I knew.

They shared a pillow, a bed, and a blanket without doing a thing.

I'd heard Ryan say that so many times that I was sick of it.

But seriously, I couldn't care less now.

After a full day of classes, I found a moment to submit my study abroad application.

Howard was thrilled to see me and gave my shoulder a hearty slap.

He said, "I'm counting on you, don't let me down.

"I'll be right here, waiting for you guys to come back."

My eyes welled up with tears, and I nodded hard.

As I walked out of the school, step by step, it felt like I was a different person overnight.

At last, I was free from that tangled mess between the three of us. I didn't have to keep losing myself in their drama anymore.

Just as I walked out the gate, I saw Ryan's car parked out front.

He was leaning against the car, a cigarette dangling from his fingers.

I really did love him, once.

When I first started my job, he'd pick me up almost every day.

But after Jessie moved in next door, he started coming around less and less.

Even when it was pouring rain, he'd tell me to just take a cab because he'd go out of his way to pick up Jessie instead.

All he cared about was Jessie. There wasn't any space left for me in his heart.

Ryan opened the passenger door and waited for me to get in.

My eyes flicked over the sticker on the passenger seat that read [Reserved for Jessie], and I just opened the back door and got in.

I said, "That's Jessie's seat."

Ryan was stunned for a moment, staring at me in silence.

Then he turned and peeled off the sticker, crumpling it up in his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said.

He finally saw how messed up things were, but it was already too late.

The whole ride was quiet. I had my headphones in, practicing my Kyrvanian speaking drills, my mind only on the training coming up next month.

Ryan kept stealing glances at me in the rearview mirror, like he wanted to say something but just couldn't get it out.

"How about I get a custom sticker: Wifey's Throne? Would you like that?" he asked, almost tiptoeing around the words.

I smiled and said, "You decide."

It didn't matter anymore. I was never going to be the Wifey in his life anyway.

Ryan smiled, too, and I could see real happiness in his eyes.

We were just two blocks from home when the rain started pouring down.

While we were stopped at a red light, Ryan's phone started ringing.

I saw Jessie's name flashing on the car's screen.

Ryan picked up right away.

Jessie's voice was choked with tears on the phone.

She said, "Ryan, my stomach hurts so bad. Can you come get me?

"I'm at the office, and it hurts so much. Ryan, am I going to die?"

Ryan stopped the car, jumped out, and rushed to the trunk to grab an umbrella.

Then he opened the back door.

He said, "Jessie's not feeling well. I gotta go take care of her. We're almost home anyway, so just go on home by yourself."

I looked up at him in silence.

Ryan gave me a quick tug and pressed the umbrella into my hand.

He pleaded, "Allison, come on, try to understand. If I don't go, what if something happens to Jessie?"

Maybe I should be thankful: at least he thought to hand me an umbrella.

I held the umbrella over my head and made my way home, slow and steady.

Lucky for me, I'd already made up my mind to move on, so there wasn't any sadness left in me.

I finally knew for sure that there wasn't even the smallest place for me in his heart.