Chapter 2
Caleb does not appear until the doctor has listened to my lungs for the second time.
The ash is gone from him. He has changed into a dark sweatshirt from the hospital gift shop, and he is carrying two coffees.
For one absurd second, I wonder if the second one belongs to Megan.
"She's fine," he says, apparently reading my face. "The doctor thinks it was smoke irritation and hyperventilation."
My throat still hurts, so I do not reach for the coffee.
"You stayed with her?"
He pauses.
"She was alone in a strange hospital."
"So was I."
Caleb looks at me, already too tired for another argument.
"Audrey, you had doctors and nurses. Megan was still shaking when she got there."
Something closes hard inside my chest, and this time it is not asthma.
The doctor comes in before I answer.
He listens to my breathing, checks my oxygen level, and tells me the acute attack is under control, although I need to avoid smoke for several days. A replacement rescue inhaler is waiting at the pharmacy downstairs.
Then he asks, almost casually, "Did you get the original inhaler back?"
Caleb answers.
"My sister has it."
The doctor looks up.
"Why?"
The room goes quiet.
Caleb explains the evacuation, but when he reaches the important part, the sequence becomes softer. Megan had trouble breathing. I seemed more stable. He let her use the medication first.
I turn toward him.
"More stable?"
"Audrey."
The doctor ignores the tension and asks Caleb whether he knew the inhaler was prescribed to me.
"I knew."
"And you knew she has asthma?"
Caleb's jaw tightens.
"Of course."
The doctor nods once.
"Then you should not have removed her only rescue medication. Another person's breathing difficulty needs assessment, but not by taking emergency medication away from a known asthma patient."
Caleb's expression closes.
After the doctor leaves, he is silent for a long time.
I think this may finally be the moment he admits he made the wrong choice.
Instead, he presses the lid of his coffee harder.
"He wasn't there."
I stare at him.
"So?"
"Megan was completely losing control."
"The doctor just..."
"I heard him."
His voice rises before he forces it down again.
"But he's sitting in a hospital looking at the outcome. I didn't have equipment. I didn't have ten minutes to evaluate everyone. She was falling apart, and you were still on your feet. I dealt with the most urgent person first."
My fingers slowly close around the blanket.
"The most urgent person."
Caleb rubs a hand over his face.
"Don't pick apart every word."
"I want to know what you saw when you looked at me."
He goes quiet.
Since the parking lot, I have wanted one thing from him: to say he chose wrong.
Instead, he leans back.
"Audrey, you've always known how to manage your asthma."
A dry laugh catches in my throat.
"Without medication?"
"That's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean?"
Caleb stands abruptly and takes two steps across the small room.
"I mean you don't fall apart the second you're scared. Megan does. Yesterday I had seconds to decide."
I watch him.
"What if it happens again?"
He stops.
"What?"
"If both of us need you."
My voice is low because my throat still burns.
"Do you decide she's more urgent again?"
Impatience flashes across his face.
"That question is pointless."
"Not to me."
"Audrey."
He grips the back of the chair.
"We've been married sixteen years. How many appointments have I gone to? How many nights have I helped you find medication? And now a few minutes during a wildfire prove I never cared about you?"
I say nothing.
He waits, almost expecting me to concede the point.
Then he exhales.
"Everyone is okay."
I look at the IV taped to my hand.
"I couldn't breathe."
"But you're here."
The words come out harder than he intends. He rubs his forehead.
"I'm not saying you don't matter. I'm saying it happened. Inventing another emergency won't change it."
Then he starts planning what happens after discharge. I should rest. I should stay home. I should not worry about Megan.
If I keep sleeping badly, he can arrange counseling.
I listen until he says, "You're in no condition to make any major decisions right now."
That makes me look up.
Caleb pauses.
In that instant, I know he has already guessed what may have crossed my mind.
Just like in the parking lot, he still believes the final judgment should belong to him.