Chapter 1

On the fifth day of my silent treatment with Ryan Brooks, I got knocked down by an e-bike.

Both the bike and I ended up sprawled on the ground, surrounded by students coming and going between classes.

April Simmons, the one who ran into me, teared up right away and kept apologizing.

Then Ryan showed up. And right in front of me, he handed April a tissue and said all kinds of comforting words.

I had never seen him like that before.

When he finally looked my way, his eyes were so unfamiliar it felt like we were strangers. He said he'd get a friend to take me to the campus clinic, and then he rushed off with April.

In that moment, all the tangled feelings I had whenever I saw Ryan finally faded away.

There was still a sting of regret, still a bit of reluctance, but I knew—this time, we were truly done.

*****

"Hey, I'll take you to the clinic." Ryan's roommate lowered his head and looked at me with concern, clearly embarrassed as he explained, "I'm really sorry. My advisor's rushing me, so I had to pick up after them. Are you alright? Can you get up?"

I shook my head and declined his help, slowly pulling myself up from the ground.

The sun at one-thirty in the afternoon was blazing. It was so bright I could barely keep my eyes open, and I felt light-headed.

"Are you sure you don't need me to take you to the campus clinic?" Ryan's roommate asked again.

"No, it's fine." I brushed the dust off my clothes, my wrist throbbing, but I pretended not to notice.

I walked slowly toward the classroom. Around me, campus life had already returned to normal. In the crowded stream of students, umbrellas were everywhere. The top of my head felt damp, probably from sweat.

Thinking about how miserable I must have looked made my chest tighten. What hurt more was that with every step, my knee pulled painfully.

My nose stung. Compared to the aches on my body, the soreness in my heart was harder to bear.

Since when had Ryan been so kind to someone else? Just a tissue to wipe away tears and a few words of comfort were enough to make my heart ache.

When had he ever treated me like that?

The class bell rang. The moment I stepped into the classroom, the sweat and the tears in my eyes were gone.

The lecturer at the podium began the usual roll call. My desk mate leaned over carefully. "Didn't you leave earlier than us? Why are you so late? Hey, what happened to your hand? You scraped it. Did you fall? I've been there. After class, I'll get you some medicine back at the dorm."

Before I could even respond, she suddenly switched topics, lowering her voice mysteriously. "I just saw Ryan."

My heart skipped a beat as I heard his name.

"He was with that girl he's always been rumored to be seeing. You should've seen how striking they looked together..." She kept rambling on.

Ryan and April?

I thought of Ryan's calm, measured explanation. "April? I only see her as a classmate. People can talk all they want. Don't let it get to you. You just need to know that you're my only girlfriend."

That was the only thing he ever explained, but it left all my doubts locked up inside. Why did he never clear things up? Why did he never tell anyone that he had a girlfriend?

I used to have a hundred questions. Now, the urge to know had quietly faded.

The lecturer glanced in our direction a few times, and I snapped back to reality.

"Sophie." There was a note of confusion in her voice.

I looked up and met her gaze, answering calmly, "Here."

It turned out that once I decided to let someone go, all the questions that had once kept me tossing and turning at night could be laid to rest.

*****

I first met Ryan in high school.

Back then, I had just started school and only cared about studying. I couldn't understand why my friends were so obsessed with Ryan, who was the top in his senior year.

That changed the day I, as the top student of my grade, took an award certificate from Ryan's hands. It felt like tasting honey for the very first time. The sweetness lingered on my tongue and never faded. Every year after that, whenever I thought of him, that sweetness would flood my heart.

He was simply too dazzling. At an age when feelings were just beginning to bloom, he left a deep mark on me. For years after, I followed in his footsteps.

I kept my grades perfect, then got into the university he went to.

When we met again in college, it felt as though all my effort had finally paid off. I engineered chance encounters every chance I got and finally got his number.

I started planning a confession. I was clumsy, timid, and overly cautious until he asked casually, "Do you like me?"

I didn't dare nod, yet I was afraid he might misunderstand. Swallowing the embarrassment of being caught out, I mumbled under my breath, "Yes. I like you."

After what felt like ages, his eyes finally softened, and he gave me a gentle smile.

I waited, heart in my throat, for the final verdict.

But he said nothing. Not until the coffee in his hand had turned lukewarm, not until my heart had gone cold. Then he smiled again. "You're very brave. But I don't know how to love a person. Being with me might not be as wonderful as you imagine. You'll have it hard if you're with me. Do you still like me?"

I was over the moon. Joy rushed to my head, and I heard myself answer loudly, "I'm not afraid."

I wasn't afraid of anything. But later on, I had no idea being with Ryan could feel this awful.

There was no comfort, no replies to messages, and no checking in. No romance. No time.

Most months, we didn't even see each other twice. Our chats barely reached ten messages a month.

When I asked why he was always so busy, he said, "This is my life. Sophie, you chose to step into it, so learn to adapt. I won't change for you."

I froze. Unwilling to give up, I threw myself into yet another round of chasing. From freshman year to senior year, every silent treatment ended with me giving in. Afterward, he would always ask in confusion, "Were you giving me the silent treatment?"

Once again, I cried alone late at night.