Chapter 3

At ten o'clock Thursday morning, I parked on the gravel drive outside Old Oak Manor.

Laughter was already coming from inside when I pushed open the heavy doors of the ballroom.

Ethan, Megan, Lily, Ben, and Ryan stood around the wedding planner at a long table. Megan held the run sheet and was confirming the ceremony entrance with the venue manager.

Lily came toward me first.

"You're right on time. Megan said you should sleep another hour."

"It's my wedding, Lily," I said.

The venue manager looked down at her tablet.

"Ms. Bennett, since your father passed away, you haven't specified who will walk you down the aisle."

Megan answered as naturally as if the question had been put to her.

"We were thinking maybe Lily and Ethan's father could--"

"No."

She stopped.

"I'll walk by myself."

Ethan frowned.

"It's a long aisle. Won't it look a little..."

"I can walk it."

The venue manager nodded and made a note.

The model for the head table stood on the other side of the room.

It was not a table for two. It was a long table called the Old Family Table.

Ethan's name was in the middle. Megan's was beside his. Ben, Ryan, and Lily were placed along the sides.

My name card sat at the far end, closest to the aisle.

Megan saw me stop.

"I thought this spot would be convenient if you needed to check on family backstage. It will also make it easier for Lily to get in and out with the kids. But we can change it if you don't like it."

I picked up the card that said Claire.

"Who decided I should sit at the edge?"

No one answered at once.

Ben looked out the window. Ryan touched his cuff.

Ethan reached for the card, as if he meant to take it from me.

"Claire, wherever you sit, we're still eating together."

"It isn't the table."

I slipped the card into my pocket.

"It's the habit."

I went into the corridor. Megan's heels followed me, quick and sharp, until she caught up outside the restroom.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I plan events for a living. When I see a gap, I fill it before I ask who it belongs to. I thought you knew we all saw you as one of us."

"Wanting me here and leaving a place for me here are not the same thing."

Megan's lips moved. In the end, she only asked, "Where are you going?"

"To take care of something of my own."

I left the manor and drove downtown to the bank.

The woman behind the counter pushed several forms toward me.

I moved my payroll account into my name alone and made an appointment to retrieve my passport and the emerald ring my mother had left me from my safety-deposit box.

I did not touch the money in our joint account.

When the woman checked my address, she asked whether my mailing address for the next three months would still be the townhouse.

I looked at the blank line on the form.

For the first time, I realized I did not know how to answer.

"You can use your email for now," she said.

I nodded.

When I signed the last page, she closed the folder and pushed it back to me.

"If you decide to move, remember to update us."

I put the paper with my new account number into my bag, like I was putting away a future that did not have an address yet.

Back in the car, I called Nora.

"If I come to Portland Sunday night, can I stay with you for a week?"

There was one second of silence on the other end.

"The key is under the mat," she said. "Stay as long as you want."

I held the steering wheel until the tears came.

When Ethan called, I did not answer.

His voicemail arrived a moment later.

"Claire, we changed the seating. You're beside me now. Megan thinks this arrangement will be easier for you. Please don't let this become bigger than it needs to be. Come home."

When I finished listening, I opened the bridal shop's appointment page and changed Friday's final fitting from final fitting and alterations to pack for pickup only.