Chapter 5
"Moving in together in June?"
I turned, the cake box brushing against the doorframe.
Daniel looked at Natalie.
"We'll talk later."
"You just told her you'd go home once you'd sorted things out here." Natalie straightened. "I'd like to know where that leaves me."
"Not now."
"Why not? We already agreed on all this."
I put the cake back on the cabinet.
"Agreed on what?"
Daniel reached for me, trying to guide me outside. I stepped around him and walked back into the kitchen.
"I haven't left yet. You can tell me too."
Natalie opened a drawer beneath the island, took out a dark green notebook, and set it in front of Daniel.
"I didn't write all this by myself."
He pressed his hand over the cover.
That gesture came faster than any explanation.
"Move it," I said.
"Claire, looking at this right now will only—"
"Move your hand."
He slowly lifted it.
A white label was stuck to the cover.
Our Retirement Bucket List.
The first page said Italy. Beneath it were a departure month, cities they wanted to visit, and a line in Daniel's messy handwriting: Stay at least three weeks. No rushing.
I knew his handwriting.
He rarely wrote me cards. He said he never knew what to say.
Each year on my birthday, the little card from the florist usually had nothing on it but my name.
Here, he'd filled half a page.
The next item was learning to sail.
Below that was another line:
Have the kids come to the coast for Christmas.
I stared at the plural and looked up.
"Whose kids?"
Daniel didn't answer.
"Owen and Lucy," Natalie said.
Their names came so easily to her.
"You know them?"
"Not yet."
"Then why are you planning their Christmas?"
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"They'll have to accept it eventually."
I turned to Daniel.
"Is that what you promised her?"
He rubbed his temple.
"The kids are old enough to understand adult relationships."
"Understand what?"
"We have a right to choose happiness too."
I looked down and turned to the last page.
There was just one sentence, underlined twice.
June 2027: Move in for good.
A small check mark sat beside the date.
Last month, when Daniel told me about his retirement plans, I'd been sorting his clothes for the change of seasons.
He'd put his arms around me from behind and said that once Lucy was settled, we wouldn't have to spend our lives looking after everyone else.
I'd asked if we should try spending a month by the sea first.
He'd said we would figure it out when the time came.
He'd already figured it out.
"And where do I fit in after June?"
Daniel's shoulders relaxed a little, as though I'd finally asked a question he had an answer prepared for.
"You can stay in the house."
"And then?"
"Nothing has to change for you financially. I'll cover the expenses I'm responsible for. You don't need to worry."
"And you'll live here?"
He paused.
"Yes."
I looked at him and suddenly thought of the light by the stairs in our house, the one that kept flickering.
He always said he'd fix it over the weekend, but every weekend, something else came up.
He hadn't been planning to live there much longer.
"When were you going to tell me?"
"I wanted to wait until Lucy was settled."
"What counts as settled?"
"Once she knows which school she's going to and everything's ready for the move. She doesn't need this affecting her right now."
"What else?"
"My mother's only just stabilized. I don't want her worrying."
I nodded.
"So you want me to keep taking care of her for you."
"That's not what I mean."
"Keep helping Lucy with everything, keep saving you a seat at school events. Then, once it's all done, you'll tell me you're moving out."
"Claire, don't make me sound like that."
"Then tell me which part I got wrong."
He opened his mouth, then closed it again.
Natalie stood beside him without objecting.
The arrangement suited them both.
Someone would look after the kids, someone would keep his mother company, and everything at home would keep running smoothly.
Then June would come, and Daniel could bring his packed bags here and start his retirement.
I might even have folded his shirts for him.