Chapter 2
With a clatter, the thermos of hot water hit the ground.
"Where is she?"
Mom's voice went so shrill, sounding like a chicken getting choked.
"Anna?"
I heard rapid panting coming from less than 30 yards away.
I could just barely see the headlights flickering wildly through gaps in the heavy snow.
Mom was now wearing an old padded jacket and the fancy coat stained with shit and piss was nowhere to be seen.
She must have rinsed herself off with cold water as her hair was still wet and plastered to her face.
"No way. She can't move. Where did she go?"
Dad's voice was trembling with a bone-deep fear.
"Did someone just walk by? Maybe they saw how cold it was in the car and carried her away?"
Dad's just trying to convince himself, grabbing at any excuse he can live with.
"Yeah! It must've been a volunteer! The radio said there were volunteers helping out!"
Mom nodded like crazy, desperate for it to be true.
"The lobby's warm! She must've gone there! Quick, to the lobby!"
They dashed toward the lobby, bright and bustling with noise.
I lay curled up in the snow, watching their stumbling figures rushing away. I finally let the tears fall.
Dad, Mom.
Stop searching for me.
You wouldn't find me in the lobby.
The useless burden who only pissed and shit and made your lives miserable was gone now.
The bright world lay ahead. Go on without me.
Leave me, the burden in the darkness.
It was for the best.
The lobby was just a few hundred feet away.
The wind carried the sound from over there in snatches.
I could catch kids laughing and shouting, the aroma of instant noodles, and even the distant crackle of firecrackers.
It was so lively.
This was what Christmas Eve was meant to be.
My mind started to blur, and instead of the icy cold, all I felt was the weightless, floating sensation.
It was such a weird feeling, as if my soul were being peeled away from this wrecked body.
I felt myself drifting higher and higher.
I floated through the blizzard, straight toward that lobby glowing with light.
I saw everything.
The lobby was filled with people stranded by the blizzard.
Every face was tired, but even more evident was the anxious wait to go home.
I could make out Mom and Dad somewhere among them.
They looked like they were losing it.
"Hey, have you seen a girl in a wheelchair? No, not in a wheelchair but carried by someone?"
"Sir, just think about it. She is about this tall, really skinny, wearing a red puffer..." Dad grabbed the guy eating noodles, his hands trembling.
The guy was so startled that the soup splashed all over his hand. He was about to snap, but when he saw Dad's bloodshot, desperate eyes, he swallowed his curse.
"I haven't seen her, really. Didn't see anyone like that."
Everyone else shook their heads, one after another.
Mom's face turned as white as the snow outside.
Ignoring the security guard trying to block her, she rushed to the service desk and bowed to the staff.
"Please! Please, make an announcement! My daughter is missing! She's paralyzed, she can't move by herself!" Mom pleaded, her voice shaking with desperation.
The staff were startled and rushed to help her up, but Mom gripped the desk for dear life, refusing to rise.
The broadcast crackled on.
Mom's shattered cries poured out after static hiss.
Her voice echoed across the entire rest area, reaching me as I lay curled up in the snow pit.
"Anna. Where are you?
"I lost my head earlier! Everything I said was just out of anger!" Mom cried, her voice cracking.
"I don't care if you make a mess. I don't care if it's exhausting. You're my baby, Anna...
"Yeah, these three years have been tough, but I never wanted to let you go! Please, just come out, okay?
"I'm begging you, Anna!"
Then, through the speakers came the dull thud.
It was the sound of her forehead hitting the floor.