Chapter 1
To cure my high-level paraplegia, my parents not only emptied their savings but also ended up with huge debts.
Fearing gossip from relatives, we stayed away from home for years. However, my parents insisted on taking me back home this Christmas Eve. She wanted everyone to see that we were living well.
But unexpectedly, a sudden cold wave hit halfway through the journey. Thick snowflakes hammered down, blanketing everything.
Due to the prolonged gridlock on the highway, I lost control and soiled myself, so the pungent smell instantly filled the car.
When we finally reached the rest area, my mother knelt on the back seat, struggling to pull out the soaked diaper.
She was so panic that her hand slipped, splattering the mess onto her new coat, the one she'd worn specially for the Christmas.
The fireworks bursting outside illuminated the glaring stain on her coat.
My long-suffering mother snapped. She hurled the soiled diaper in my face,
"I've used the best diaper! How could you still make such a mess?
"While others enjoy Christmas, I spend mine cleaning up after you! I've had enough!
"Is it only when you die that I can finally have one clean day in my life?"
After shouting, she ran crying toward the rest area to wash up. My father sighed at the chaos in the car and followed her.
With cold wind rushing in, I didn't wipe the filth from my face but dragged myself out of the car under cover of darkness.
"Mom, don't cry. I'll take the mess away with me." I murmured.
*****
With little arm strength remained after the paralysis, I moved my stiffened body forward inch by inch.
The car was parked on a slope. Then things would be much easier.
I tried to shove the door open with my head, though the cold edge of the door pressing painfully against my scalp.
Finally, the door swung open.
I shut my eyes and let myself roll down the slope.
I landed in the thick snow with a soft thud, but I didn't feel any pain, just a sense of softness enveloping me.
Without hesitation, I pushed up with my arms and dragged my dead lower half into the deep dark beyond the reach of the headlights.
The icy snowflakes soaked my face and scrubbed away the mess Mom had smeared on me.
Finally, I was clean again.
Not far off was the rest stop's green zone, with a drainage ditch running through it.
Right now, that was the perfect hiding spot for me.
Every movement took every bit of strength I had, so I crawled slowly.
What was more, the slippery snow gave me no traction. I slid down the slope several times.
But I didn't stop.
"Dad, Mom, don't cry," I said silently.
This was the last time I would ever be a burden to you.
I would carry away all my mess with me, and I wouldn't ever come back.
Finally, I made it to the ditch and tumbled in with one final effort.
Here was a sheltered pocket out of the wind. The falling snow would soon be enough to bury me.
The cold was fast stealing my body's warmth and my limbs were growing numb and stiff.
But what I felt was a kind of relief I'd never experienced before.
I curled up like a baby.
If I froze to death here, they'd finally be free from the never-ending mess of piss and shit.
They could go on trips, sleep through the night, and live a clean, normal life, just like everyone else.
The snow was coming down even heavier, and the cold slowly numbed all my senses to stillness.
I closed my eyes, ready to let the darkness take me.
But just then, I heard Mom and Dad's hurried footsteps coming from the distance.
"Anna! I got some hot water and fixed you some noodles. They're still hot."
That was Dad calling out.
His voice was eager to please, and very cautious.
He just left with a sigh but had managed to pull himself together in just a few minutes.
He was ready to take care of me again, the burden he could never shake off.
After the sound of the car door opening, a deathly silence settled in.