Chapter 1
The first day I set foot in the palace, I cast a fortune for myself.
The verdict asked me not to do anything and just kick back, and I'd still come out on top.
Yeah, I totally bought it.
So I started living the ultimate laid-back life, just eating and sleeping, like a true couch potato.
In the consort selection, that counted me out.
When asked to pay respects to the Queen, I'd just pretend to be sick.
The King picking a companion? I'd put on a whole sneezing and sniffles act, no problem.
Meanwhile, the consorts were tearing each other apart in the palace.
I was sleeping like a log in my rundown little courtyard right next to the exile wing.
The only thing that bothered me was how the food from the imperial kitchen was getting more and more half-assed.
It was always just greens and beans.
I was practically turning pale from all those veggies.
That all changed one day.
Lady Megan White's Persian cat went missing.
The whole palace was in an uproar, everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off, searching everywhere.
The noise was so loud I couldn't even get my afternoon nap in.
With my hair a total mess, I pushed open the creaky old gate to my courtyard.
I grabbed a random stick off the ground.
Scratched a few lines in the dirt.
"Try the southeast corner of the imperial garden, in the crack on the third tier of the rockery," I said.
The maids and eunuchs passing by looked at me like I'd lost my mind.
I just yawned, went back inside, and crashed for another nap.
Half an hour later, Megan was at my courtyard gate, clutching her newly recovered cat.
She was standing at my courtyard gate.
Her expression was all over the place, like someone had just spilled paint everywhere.
"How did you even know that?" she asked, still in shock.
Still half-asleep, I rubbed my eyes.
"Just cast a fortune," I replied.
*****
The next day, there it was, a chicken leg in my lunch.
A few days later, Megan stormed into my shabby little courtyard with her whole entourage.
"Isobel! Was this your doing?" she yelled.
Every single rose she'd nursed so carefully had wilted overnight.
The ground was covered in fallen petals.
I was squatting in the corner, just watching ants haul their stuff around.
I didn't even bother to look up.
"Check three feet under the roots in the southwest corner. Someone buried a voodoo doll there," I said.
Megan was skeptical, but couldn't help being a little convinced.
She ordered her people to dig where I said.
Sure enough, they found a rag doll lay there, riddled with thin metal points, as if someone had poured all their hatred into its body.
Her birth chart was scrawled right on it.
Her face went ghostly pale.
"Who did this?" she demanded.
I patted the dirt off my hands.
"It's that maid of yours in the green dress, with a mole on her left eyebrow," Isobel replied lazily.
Megan marched off with her crew, murder in her eyes.
Word was, she'd finally smoked out a mole planted by her nemesis ages ago.
My lunch got a serious upgrade.
There were two meat dishes and one veggie.
And a plate of delicate pastries.
Rumors started swirling about me in the harem.
"That girl living next to the exile wing... she's kind of spooky."
"I heard she's got some fortune-telling skills."
"Please, she's probably just making it up."
The Queen's migraines flared up again.
The royal physicians were at their wits' end.
She was in so much pain she couldn't sleep a wink for nights on end.
The Hall of Majesty was thick with gloom and worry.
Someone couldn't help but bring it up.
"You know, that one living next to the exile wing..."
The Queen's chief matron came to see me herself.
She looked me over, sizing me up.
"Isobel, about the Queen's migraines..." she said, her tone careful.
I was sprawled out on my homemade, rickety lounge chair, soaking up the sun.
I didn't even bother to open my eyes.
"Under her pillow," I said, barely moving.
"Huh? What do you mean?" the chief matron blinked.
"There's a piece of emerald with a flower carved on it under her pillow. Just take it out and chuck it into the lotus pond," I replied lazily.
The chief matron left, looking skeptical.
The next day, word spread from the Hall of Majesty.
The Queen got a good night's sleep.
Her headache was gone.
My shabby little courtyard suddenly got busy.
Eunuchs and maids lined up at my door, all bearing gifts.
There were bolts of silk from the Queen.
It was a bracelet from Megan.
Even the imperial kitchen finally started paying attention.
My tiny dining table was piled high with dishes, more lavish than ever.
There were braised meatballs, steamed bass, and steamed parcels.
I rubbed my round belly and let out a sigh.
Were my slacker days finally over?
Trouble was bound to show up eventually.
Megan was starting to look at me differently.
Her eyes were a cocktail of suspicion, envy, and calculation.
She "just happened" to bump into me in the imperial garden.
Her smile was all teeth, but there was nothing friendly about it.
"Isobel, looks like you're the rising star these days. Even the Queen is giving you special attention," she said.
I was busy staring at a scrappy little weed forcing its way through the cracks in the stone.
"You're giving me too much credit. I just got lucky," I said.
"Oh, really?" She stepped in closer, her perfume so strong it made my nose twitch. "Why don't you use those fortune-telling skills and tell me when I'll finally bear the King a son?"
The whole place went dead silent.
Everyone was all ears, waiting for my answer.
Her question was a total curveball, nasty and loaded.
If I nailed it, they'd say I was stirring up trouble with witchcraft.
If I blew it, they'd say I was trying to trick Megan.
I sneezed.
I rubbed my nose.
"Lady Megan," I said.
"Hmm?" she responded.
"Maybe you should... see the royal physician first?" I suggested.
Megan's face changed instantly. "What are you implying?"
I gave her my best innocent look.
"That perfume you're wearing... isn't there some musk mixed in? If you keep using it, well... it's not exactly good for getting pregnant," I said, sounding totally casual.
Megan's face went ghostly pale.
She stumbled back a step.
She fixed her gaze on me, unblinking.