Chapter 2
Lucas and I grew up together in a run-down apartment block on the south side of the city. I had a mother who never came home at night, and he had a father who drank and gambled.
Whenever his dad beat him badly, I'd secretly bring him home and clumsily treat his wounds. Whenever my mom disappeared for days, he'd split his expired instant noodles in half and share them with me.
That was how we survived, quietly holding each other up through one hard day after another.
Later, my mom ran off with a businessman from out of town and never came back.
His dad got drunk, picked a fight, and ended up beaten to death by a gang of thugs. With no family willing to claim him, he received a pauper's burial in an unmarked grave outside the city.
The two of us were sent to a group home together.
That was where I met a little girl who was only three years old. She cried her head off, but nobody cared. She was on the verge of starving.
I couldn't bear it, so every day I saved half my food, mashed it up, and fed her bit by bit until she grew up.
I gave her the name Emily Reed.
If I had something, I always made sure she got a share too.
Lucas used to mock me for being soft-hearted. He said one day that wild little girl would drag me down with her.
Emily hated that brother figure too, the one who always looked at her with this weird hostility. Every time she saw him, she'd spit at him.
When exactly had their relationship started to change behind my back?
The night grew deeper, and darkness swallowed everything around me. It felt like the dark itself was closing in on me, squeezing the air from my lungs.
All of a sudden, I felt so tired. I wanted to get away from this place, anywhere at all. I just didn't want to see those two faces I had once loved so much.
But just as I was about to turn around, a strip of light fell in front of me.
Lucas had opened the door.
We looked at each other for a few seconds.
I figured maybe my expression was too calm.
He didn't notice anything off about me. Instead, he flashed me a bright smile.
He said, "Liv, you're back. I've been waiting for you forever."
What Lucas didn't know was that his face had already sold him out.
That was the exact look he got every time he felt guilty.
It was subtle, but I knew him too well.
Back then, when he stole all the money from home to buy me roasted chestnuts, he wore that same smile.
His grin stretched wide, but his eyes couldn't help flicking to the right.
The teenage boy acted casual as he handed me the paper bag, but he didn't dare look me in the eye.
He said, "I heard your classmates were making fun of you for never having roasted chestnuts.
"Here. The shop owner thought I was handsome and gave me a bag for free. Eat them while they're hot."
Later, when his drunken father beat him until his head was bleeding, I held him and cried.
My tears dripped into his collar, and I couldn't tell whether there were more tears or blood.
Lucas always said my heart was too soft.
If no one protected me, this world would chew me up and spit me out.
So he said he would be my knight.
I snapped back to the present. The figure standing at the door overlapped with the one in my memory.
Lucas wore that same old expression as he slowly walked toward me.
My body was healthy now, but I still couldn't breathe, just like back then.
My heart really was too soft.
Even now, looking at the unease in his eyes, the first thought that crossed my mind was this:
Maybe I should just let it go and not expose him.
I wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come.
Lucas paused, then turned to pick up the takeout bag on the coffee table.
He said, "Your favorite, roasted chestnuts. I timed the delivery just right, so they're still warm."
I looked at the bag of roasted chestnuts, but my mouth was full of bitterness.
I'd already seen what happened outside the door. Afterward, Emily had cuddled up in his arms and said she was hungry, so he'd ordered a whole table of takeout for her.
The roasted chestnuts were just an extra.
When I still didn't move, impatience finally showed in Lucas's eyes.
He asked, "What is it now? You've been back this whole time and haven't said a word. What did I do to piss you off this time?"
I shook my head and dug my nails into my palm to keep the sob out of my voice. "After all this time, Lucas, you still remember that I like sweet things."
Lucas smiled and casually ruffled my hair.
He said, "Of course. You've got the biggest sweet tooth ever. How could I forget?"
Where he couldn't see, a tear slipped down.
I slowly swallowed the roasted chestnut in my mouth.
It was so bitter.