Chapter 3
The next day was the official campus tour for the new students.
It was also the day Lucas led the group as the vice president of the student council.
I didn't have to go.
But Nina got picked as a volunteer and just wouldn't take no for an answer, she practically dragged me along.
I stood at the very back of the line.
Lucas was leading the way at the front.
Rachel was right next to him.
Rachel piped up, "Lucas, what time does the library close?
"Lucas, got any tricks for picking classes?
"Lucas, is the club fair really as crazy as people say?"
Her questions were all tiny details.
But Lucas patiently answered them all.
As they walked down the steps, Rachel suddenly slipped.
Lucas immediately reached out and caught her.
"Careful, this part's tricky," he said.
I watched his hand.
Suddenly, a memory from freshman year hit me.
That was a campus tour day, too.
Lucas was leading the group that day as well.
I followed behind him.
"Lucas, which club should I join?" I asked.
He didn't even turn around.
"Just check the bulletin board. College isn't high school, so stop relying on me for everything," he replied.
I wasn't ready to give up.
"Then what about signing up for classes?" I asked.
He sighed, clearly annoyed.
"Shannon, can't you think for yourself for once?" he said.
Rachel's questions were even more trivial than the ones I had asked back when I was a freshman.
But Lucas didn't even bat an eye.
After the tour, Rachel dashed over to me.
"Shannon, Lucas is seriously such a sweetheart," she said.
She tilted her head, her voice just the right volume, everyone could hear her.
"Did I ask him too many questions? Did I steal him away from you?" Rachel asked.
A few of the new students glanced over.
Someone muttered under their breath.
"That senior girl is being way too sensitive."
I looked at the way Rachel was smiling.
All at once, I felt exhausted.
"No," I said.
I turned and walked away from the group.
The sunlight was blinding.
But the sun wasn't really to blame.
It was just that my eyes stung with unshed tears.
I walked into the restroom in the academic building and splashed some cold water on my face.
I looked perfectly calm in the mirror.
But deep down, I knew some things were shattered for good.
After leaving the restroom, I went straight to the department head's office.
The department head flipped through my paperwork and let out a sigh.
"Shannon, I can sign off on your reapplication, but you'll have to explain things to Professor Howard yourself," she said.
She paused.
"He went back and forth with the review board for ages just to get you that spot. When you gave up, it really crushed him," she added.
I lowered my head.
"It's my fault. I let him down," I said.
Just after I got the first signature, the sky opened up and rain started pouring down.
I didn't have an umbrella, so I waited by the doors of the academic building, hoping the rain would ease up.
Across the street, I spotted Lucas sprinting toward me.
Before I could even think, my body reacted on its own.
I thought he was coming to get me.
For twelve years, every time it rained, he'd show up.
Elementary, middle, high school, he was always there.
Even when he complained, "Shannon, can't you just check the weather?"
But the umbrella always ended up tilted toward me.
His right shoulder was always soaked.
Lucas skidded to a stop in front of me.
Rachel's voice came through his phone, trembling with tears.
"Lucas, I'm at the entrance of the College of Arts. My shoes are soaked," she said.
Lucas glanced at me for a moment.
"Hang on a sec," he said.
"I'll take the umbrella to Rachel first, she's by herself over there," he said.
With that, he turned and ran back into the rain.
I stood in the rain for fifteen minutes, just waiting there like an idiot.
Then Nina showed up with an umbrella to rescue me.
She was so worried, her voice was all shaky.
"Why didn't you call me?" she asked.
I wiped the rain off my face.
"I forgot," I said.
Truth is, I didn't forget.
It was just in that moment, I honestly didn't know who I was supposed to call.
It was already ten at night, and I was still hunched over my laptop, filling out the exchange program application.
Suddenly, I heard someone calling my name from outside.
Of course, it was Lucas.
He stood under the ginkgo tree, holding a takeout bag with hot cocoa inside.
"Leo Stone said you got soaked in the rain," Lucas called out.
I took the hot cocoa from him and mumbled a quick thanks.
Lucas hesitated, then spoke up, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.
"About earlier, I wasn't trying to ignore you," he said, sounding a little defensive.
"Rachel's a freshman, she doesn't know anyone yet. I couldn't just leave her stranded," he explained.
I nodded quietly.
"Yeah, I know," I said.
Lucas frowned.
"Why do you always say you know?" he asked.
"You never used to be like this," he added.
I looked at him.
"What do you want from me?" I asked.
He was caught off guard.
After a moment, he ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.
"Shannon, don't be like this, okay?" he said.
"We've known each other for so long, haven't we weathered every storm side by side?" he said.
He paused, his voice softening.
"Wasn't that our promise?
"That when sophomore year came, we'd finally be together?"
My hands tightened around the container of hot cocoa.
I'd been waiting for those words for years.
I waited until I was seventeen, until the SATs, until college, until today.
But when I finally heard them, all I felt was emptiness inside.
I murmured, "Let's talk about it later."
Lucas's face darkened.
"Later?" he repeated.
"Shannon, you've been chasing me for over ten years, and now that I finally say yes, you just say 'later'?" His voice was getting louder.
"Are you messing with me?" he demanded.
I didn't bother to explain.
"If that's all, I'm heading upstairs," I said.
As I walked upstairs, the heat from the hot cocoa burned my palms.
If he'd brought it to me that afternoon, I probably would've been just as happy as I was before.
But it was six hours late.
Just like every good thing Lucas ever did for me.
Always late.
I was never the one he put first.