Chapter 2
It wasn't the breakup that really got to me.
What really stung was realizing I'd been lied to.
Aaron and I were together for seven years.
We met in our freshman year of college.
He went to the college next door, majoring in journalism.
He was clean-cut, spoke softly, and had dimples when he smiled.
The first time I met him was at the print shop near campus.
He was making a copy of his student ID, but he was 70 cents short.
I covered the difference for him.
He thanked me and asked for my WhatsApp.
And just like that, we started dating.
For four years in college, we barely spent any money.
We ate in the cafeteria, hung out in the park, and the most expensive date we ever had was on my birthday, when he took me to a buffet.
It was 68 dollars per person.
He spent half a month saving up just for that dinner.
At the time, I just thought he was a really good guy.
Money didn't matter to me.
As long as he was decent, that was enough.
After graduation, he tried for graduate school, but didn't pass the first time around.
He said he wanted to take the graduate school exam again next year.
I said, "Alright, I'll take care of you."
That year, I'd just started working at a small company, pulling in 1,500 dollars a month.
My rent was 600 dollars.
All his exam preparation books, online classes, and daily expenses came out of my pocket.
I never kept track of how much I spent.
It was because I never felt the need to.
The next year, he finally got in.
Tuition was six thousand dollars a year, plus room and board, textbooks, and living expenses.
He was always too shy to bring it up, so I'd transfer the money before he even asked.
I didn't want him to feel awkward, so I always put something like "Good luck" or "Good job" in the transfer notes.
I never marked it as a loan.
It was because I never thought of it as something he owed me.
Once he started graduate school, I picked up a second job.
On weekends, I worked at a coffee shop.
But even that wasn't enough, so I started working mornings at a breakfast joint, from half past five to half past seven every day.
I was only getting about five hours of sleep a night.
Aaron would sometimes tell me not to overwork myself.
I'd just tell him I could cope.
My mom called and asked why I was getting so skinny.
I told her I was just busy with work.
I never told her I was supporting my boyfriend through graduate school.
It was because I knew she'd scold me for it.
Three years.
Later on, I actually sat down and counted how much I'd transferred to Aaron.
I opened my bank app and scrolled through every single transaction.
It was a total of 50 thousand dollars.
Tuition, living expenses, a laptop, clothes, and exam registration fees.
50 thousand dollars.
In those three years, I never bought myself any clothes for over 30 dollars.
When winter was at its harshest, my down jacket was a cheap 30-dollar find from Amazon with free shipping.
He, on the other hand, wore a North Face jacket that cost 400 dollars.
I bought it for him.
"Just wait till I graduate. Things will get better," he'd say.
When he said that, his eyes looked so sincere.
And every single time, I believed him.
It was because I thought we were going through tough times now, so we could enjoy the good life later.
What I didn't realize was that I was never even part of his future.
Samantha and I had been close since college.
She studied design, came from a well-off family, was always dressed stylishly, and had the sweetest way of talking.
The three of us would often grab a meal together.
She always called Aaron affectionately.
I never thought much of it.
It was because she always called people affectionately.
She was just naturally sweet.
After graduation, Samantha got a job at a big ad agency, pulling in 2,500 dollars a month.
She switched jobs later and was making five thousand dollars.
Then she bumped it up to seven thousand dollars.
She bought herself a car.
It was a white Mini Cooper.
When she posted on her feed, I was scrubbing cups at the coffee shop.
I liked her post.
She replied: [Keep going, Bailey.]
She followed it up with three emojis.
Now, I thought back on those three years, those nights when Aaron just ghosted me, and those weekends Samantha claimed she was at the library with him.
And there was his habit of always putting his phone face down, and how he suddenly got obsessed with his outfits.
I was so worn out back then.
I was spinning like a top every single day.
I didn't have the time to really think things through.
And I definitely didn't have the energy for it, either.
But now, I finally had the time.
I'd finally thought it all through.
So I did something.
I looked up Aaron's old graduate school roommate, Patrick Holmes.
I'd met Patrick a few times before, and he seemed like a decent guy.
He was working in operations at an internet company now.
I invited him out for a meal.
"Patrick, I need to ask you something. Just be straight with me," I said.
He looked at me, a little nervous.
"When Aaron was in graduate school, was Samantha always hanging around him?" I asked.
Patrick didn't say a word.
His fork froze in mid-air.
"Just tell me the truth. I promise I won't make a fuss," I reassured him.
He set his fork down and sighed.
"Bailey, it's all water under the bridge now. What's the point?"
"Just answer me," I insisted.
He paused, silent for a moment.
"Yes," Patrick finally admitted.
"When did it start?" I pushed.
"Second year... No, actually, it was the second semester of his first year. Samantha was always coming over, bringing Aaron food, sometimes staying really late," Patrick said.
First year, second semester.
I started counting in my head.
That was right when I started working at the breakfast joint.
I was getting up at half past five every single morning.