Chapter 1
When I travelled back through time, I decided to be two hours late for our marriage certificate appointment.
In my previous life, I showed up right on time, overjoyed to marry Micah Avery.
But he took the house I brought into the marriage and let his first love use it to have her baby. Then he disappeared for eighteen years.
When I was diagnosed with stage-four stomach cancer, he finally came back.
He knelt by my hospital bed, tears streaming down his face. "If you'd been two hours late that day, I would've gone to her, and you wouldn't have had to suffer like this."
I smiled and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, I was back to the morning of our marriage certificate appointment.
This time, I was going to be late on purpose, just to see if he'd actually leave.
*****
On the day I died, Micah showed up in a black suit. It was so new, the tags were still attached to the cuffs.
He knelt beside my hospital bed, his eyes bloodshot, gripping a wrinkled piece of paper in his trembling hands.
It was our marriage certificate.
It had been eighteen years, but on that marriage certificate, I was still twenty-two years old.
"Nicole, just hang in there a little longer," Micah said.
His voice was raw, as if he'd spent the whole night crying.
I didn't have the strength to speak anymore.
Stage-four stomach cancer. Chemotherapy had wasted me away until I was nothing but skin and bones.
My hair was gone, my cheeks were sunken, and my hands were covered in needle marks.
Micah held my hand, and I could feel it trembling.
What a joke. These hands hadn't touched me in eighteen years.
"Nicole, I was wrong," Micah choked out. "I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have... taken her away."
Her. Briseis Grimshaw. His muse, his first love, the one he could never let go of, the woman he'd always yearned for.
I used up the last bit of strength I had and stared straight into his eyes.
Micah was sobbing uncontrollably. But there was no guilt in his eyes.
Instead, I saw relief. He was just waiting for me to die. Once I was gone, he'd finally be free.
"Nicole, if... if you'd been two hours late that day, I probably wouldn't have married you," Micah said. "Then you wouldn't have had to go through all this."
I understood what Micah meant. He was saying I brought this all on myself.
If I hadn't shown up on time at city hall, he would've gone to Briseis and ended up with her instead.
Me being on time was what locked him in.
How ridiculous. I'd been married to him for eighteen years.
But Micah gave the house I brought into the marriage to Briseis.
He took the 100 thousand dollars my dad left me and spent it raising Briseis's kid.
Meanwhile, I was holed up in a dingy apartment, juggling three jobs just to scrape by, living off bargain-bin food, and pinching pennies so hard I couldn't even bring myself to pay for a hospital visit.
By the time I found out I had stomach cancer, it was already too late.
There wasn't a single soul in this world who cared if I lived or died.
"I know," I said. Those were the last words I ever spoke.
Then I closed my eyes.
When I opened them again, I thought I'd ended up in the underworld.
But what greeted me was a faded floral curtain. A faded, yellow floral curtain.
I shot up in bed. This was the old house my mom passed down to me. The place I'd called home for twenty-two years.
On the nightstand sat a flip phone, its screen lit up. June 15, 2006, 7:13 AM.
I was stunned. 2006. June 15th. This day was the day Micah and I were supposed to get our marriage certificate.
The phone buzzed. It was a text from Micah.
He sent: [Nicole, I'm already at city hall. Hurry up, it's really crowded today. I got us a spot in line.]
Micah tacked on a smiley face at the end. I stared at that little smiley, and tears spilled down my face.
In my previous life, when I got that text, I was so excited I literally jumped out of bed. I skipped breakfast and just ran straight out the door.
I loved him so much. And I thought he loved me too.
I thought that once we got that marriage certificate, it'd be forever.
The phone buzzed again. Another text from Micah. [Come in that white dress. You look beautiful in it.]
The white dress. In my previous life, I wore it.
I'd saved up two months' worth of paychecks just to buy that white dress.
Later, Briseis posed in it for a photo and posted it on her Facebook, with the caption: [He said this dress suits me best.]
I snapped the phone shut and took a deep breath.
Fine. Micah said if I'd been two hours late, everything would've turned out differently.
Well, this time, I was going to be late just to see what he did.
Just Wait, Micah. Would you really wait for me?
I didn't wear that white dress. I just threw on a gray T-shirt and some old jeans, didn't even bother with my hair.
Last time, I spent forty minutes in front of the mirror, obsessing over every detail, drawing and redrawing my brows.
This time, I didn't even glance at the mirror.
The phone kept buzzing. At 7:30, Micah called for the first time. I didn't pick up.
At 7:45, he called again. I didn't pick up.
At 8:00 sharp, a text came through from Micah: [Nicole? Are you still in bed? I got you some coffee and pancakes. I'm waiting for you at the door.]
At 8:15, he sent again: [You didn't forget we're getting our marriage certificate today, did you?]
At 8:30, the phone rang again.
This time, I picked up. "Hello?"
"Nicole! Where are you? It's already 8:30," Micah said anxiously, but there was still a smile in it.
In my previous life, Micah was always unfailingly gentle and considerate with me.
He gave me all his kindness. And then he handed over everything I had, my house, my money, my entire life, to Briseis.
"Traffic's bad," I said.
"What? You took the bus? Didn't I tell you to just grab a cab?" Micah asked.
"Cabs cost too much," I replied.
"You silly girl... Alright, take your time. I'll wait for you," Micah said softly.
I almost caved. Almost.
But when I closed my eyes, my mind flashed back to that cramped rented room.
Eight square meters, no windows, suffocating in the summer like a steam box.
I lived there for fifteen years, alone.
Meanwhile, Micah was living in the house I brought into the marriage, raising a child with Briseis.
"Yes," I said, and hung up.
Then I walked out the door. But I wasn't heading to city hall. I went to the market instead.
Winona Fairmoor's stall was still in the same old spot.
In my previous life, Winona was like a sister to my mom. After Mom passed, she always looked out for me.
But after I married Micah, we slowly drifted apart.
Later, when I moved into that cramped rental, I was too embarrassed to show my face.
"Nicole?" Winona paused, surprised to see me. "Shopping for veggies so early?"
"Winona," I said, my nose prickling as I looked at her.
Winona looked way younger than I remembered. Her hair was still dark, and the wrinkles on her face weren't nearly as deep.
"Winona, is the deed for the house my mom left me really in my name?" I asked.
Winona wiped her hands. "Yeah, your mom went and got it notarized before she passed. Only your name's on it. What's up?"
"If I get married, can my husband take the house away or transfer it to his name?" I asked.
Winona's expression darkened. "Who's trying to take your house? Is it that Avery guy?"
"No, no, I'm just asking," I said quickly.
Winona said, "Nicole, listen to me. Your mom practically traded her life for that house.
"Your dad died young, and she spent twenty years in that factory, working herself sick just to save up for it.
"If you ever get married, don't you dare add your husband's name to the deed, got it?"
"Got it," I replied.
"If your mom were still around, she'd say the exact same thing," Winona added.
I nodded, my eyes rimmed with tears.
Back in my previous life, Micah told me he wanted his name on the deed. He said it'd make getting a loan easier down the road.
I agreed without a second thought.
Three months later, Micah signed the house over to Briseis.
I didn't even get the chance to confront him. Because he took off with Briseis.
The phone rang again. It was nine o'clock.
Micah sounded different now. He demanded, "Nicole, where are you? It's been over an hour."
"Almost there, almost there. I'll be there soon," I replied.
"Which street are you stuck on? I'll come pick you up," Micah offered.
"No need, really. I'm almost there," I said.
After hanging up, I sat down on a stone bench at the market.
I bought a sausage and ate it slowly.
Last time, I skipped breakfast on the day we got our marriage certificate.
I rushed to city hall on an empty stomach, smiling like a fool.
This time, I was feeding myself first.
The sausage was delicious. It cost 0.7 dollar, not much meat, but it really hit the spot.
I ate it slowly. With every bite, I felt like I was letting go of the sucker I used to be.
By 9:30, Micah's texts were blowing up my phone. [Nicole, are you not coming?
[If you don't want to show up for the license, just say so.
[I've been standing outside the city hall for over two hours.]
I stared at that last text, a wry smile curling at the corner of my mouth.
Two hours. In my previous life, you left me waiting alone for eighteen years, and I never complained once.
Two hours and he was already falling apart?