Chapter 4
4
When I woke up again, I was lying in the hospital.
Thick gauze was wrapped around my neck, and the wound throbbed with a dull ache.
The door opened.
Seeing me awake, the nurse spoke softly:
"Your husband just left."
"He came to see you twice while you were unconscious. He only sat for a little while each time before leaving. He looked very busy."
I didn't say anything.
The nurse looked at me, hesitating as if she wanted to say more, but ultimately just sighed and turned to leave.
The room fell quiet again.
Looking out the window, I remembered the last scene I saw before passing out.
Ethan was running toward me, but Evelyn was holding Noah, and the child was screaming his lungs out.
His footsteps had paused.
He had looked back.
It was only a split-second of hesitation, but it was already burned into my brain.
Just like every choice he ever made.
It wasn't that he didn't love me, but there was always something more urgent, someone who needed him more, someone who had to be prioritized.
And I was always the one who could wait a little longer.
Fortunately, I was no longer that girl who would stand in place and foolishly wait for him.
I contacted a lawyer and drafted a divorce agreement.
On my third day in the hospital, Ethan came.
He looked even more haggard than before. Unshaven, eyes bloodshot, holding a thermos in his hand.
"My mom made some homemade soup."
His voice was very hoarse.
"Have some while it's hot."
I didn't move.
Ethan sat down by the bed, his hands clasped together, his head bowed.
"We caught the kidnappers. They were relatives of a suspect from a previous case. They believed I caused their son's death, so this was retaliation."
He said it like he was giving a police briefing.
"Evelyn and Noah were terrified. Noah has been having nightmares these past two days and needs someone with him, so I..."
He stopped, unable to continue.
I listened expressionlessly.
I had already guessed this explanation, and I had heard variations of it far too many times.
Ethan looked up at me. His eyes held guilt, exhaustion, and a deep, profound helplessness.
"Tess, that day I..."
His throat bobbed.
"I had to make that choice. Noah is only six. If something happened to him, I'd spend the rest of my life—"
"I know."
I cut him off, my voice perfectly calm.
"You made the right choice."
Ethan froze.
"If it were me, I would have chosen the child too."
I looked at him.
"So I don't blame you. Ethan, I really don't blame you."
I paused, shifting my gaze away to look out the window.
"You should go. Go be with Noah, go handle what you need to handle. I'm fine here."
Ethan sat there without moving.
His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but in the end, no words came out.
Ten minutes later, he stood up.
"I'll come back to see you later."
I listened to his footsteps fade away. Then I slowly sat up and insisted on completing my discharge paperwork.
An hour later, I returned to the apartment and started packing.
Our framed photo was still on the nightstand. It was taken on our first anniversary.
In the picture, my eyes were curved into a bright smile.
Ethan had his arm around my shoulder, his chin resting on the top of my head, his gaze gentle.
I picked up the frame, looked at it for a moment, then opened a drawer and put it inside.
The matching couple's toothbrushes we specifically bought, the two matching mugs, the pajamas—I shoved them all into a large trash bag and hauled them to the chute.
Finally, I stood in the center of the living room and looked around.
This home was large, spacious, and exquisite, yet it was so cold it lacked a single trace of warmth.
Just like the love Ethan gave me.
It started out intense and passionate, carrying the halo of him saving me during an armed bank robbery. To everyone else, we looked like the perfect couple.
But peel back that halo, and inside it was nothing but calculations. It was the responsibility and guilt that would always be placed ahead of me.
I had tried to warm it up, only to realize later that I was the only one being consumed.
I took the apartment access keys out of my bag and set them on the coffee table.
Attached to the keys was a little bear keychain Ethan had given me.
He said it was cute, so I had always kept it on me.
Now, I was giving it back.
Then, I took off my wedding ring and set it next to the keys.
It was the style we had picked out together.
Back then, he said this ring would lock me to him for a lifetime.
Now, I was giving that back too.
The moment the door clicked shut, I locked three years of marriage, love, and expectations inside with it.