Chapter 3
Lily said that as long as I still held on to what I hated her for three years ago, I would come back and kill her.
The only fix the comments offered was to make me forget her completely.
That same night, Julian drove me back to the psychiatric hospital.
The director read through my treatment records from the past three years, and for the first time, he turned us down.
He said, "Ashley's already had long-term treatment at doses far beyond what's safe.
"If we keep going with high-intensity electroshock and drug intervention, there's a real chance she ends up with permanent memory loss and language function that never comes back.
"If it goes badly enough, she won't recognize her own family."
Julian was quiet for a long time.
In the end, he picked up the pen and signed the high-risk treatment form.
He said, "Memories can be found again. But Lily only gets one life."
Marcus was a doctor, and he knew there was no clinical indication for treating me, but he signed off in the professional opinion field anyway.
Ethan held me and begged me through his tears. "Be a good girl for us one last time.
"When the treatment's done, I'm coming to get you. I'll bring you home."
Samuel was the only one who didn't agree right away.
He stood in the doorway of the treatment room, and for the first time, there was anger in his voice.
"We've spent three years destroying her. It stops here."
I thought that this time he was finally going to choose me.
But Lily's call came through soon after, and she was crying when she asked, "If Ashley forgets Samuel, is she going to hate me even more?"
Then she swallowed the sleeping pills she had hidden ahead of time.
The dose wasn't lethal, but it was enough to take away every bit of reason the four of them had left.
Samuel stayed silent for a long time, and in the end, he walked over to me. He slid the ring off my finger.
He said, "All you have to do is forget the hate.
"Even if you forget me, I'll make you fall in love with me all over again."
Then he carried me onto the treatment bed himself, and the cold restraints locked shut around my wrists and ankles.
Before the treatment started, I handed Marcus the photograph my mother had left me.
I said, "Keep this safe for me. Don't lose it."
When the current came on, my body arched up off the bed.
The pain drove straight through my skull, and I tried to tell them to stop, but the only sound my throat could make was a broken whimper.
Through the treatment room window, I could see my brothers and Samuel standing outside.
Ethan had a hand clamped over his mouth, and he was crying.
Marcus turned his face away.
Julian kept his fists clenched at his sides.
Samuel raised his arm more than once to push the door open, but Lily kept sending messages.
Lily: [The comments are dropping.]
Lily: [Hold out a little longer.]
Lily: [Ashley won't hate me much longer.]
Not one of them pressed the stop button.
When the session ended, I woke up in a hospital bed, and Marcus held a photo of our mother in front of my face. "Ashley, do you still know who this is?"
I stared at the woman in the picture for a long time.
Her smile was gentle and warm, and no matter how long I looked, I couldn't place her. In the end, all I could do was shake my head.
Ethan broke down sobbing right there.
Samuel took my hand again. "What about me? Do you still remember me?"
I pulled my hand back and put both of them behind my back. "Doctor, I'll cooperate with the treatment."
The color went out of his face.
They wanted me to forget how much I hated Lily.
What got erased instead was every trace of the fact that I had once loved them.
Even after all of it, Lily still said the comments hadn't gone away completely, and Julian decided to keep me admitted for observation.
When the lights went out in the ward, I lay on the cold bed, and the last day of the countdown appeared in front of me.
[Life Countdown: One Day.]