Chapter 1

Ever since I could remember, I knew my family was poor.

So when I thought I might be seriously sick, I wasn't scared. Instead, I hesitantly asked my parents, "What if I have cancer?"

They laughed at me for overthinking, but their voices were rock solid. "If that day ever comes, we'd sell everything we own to get you treated."

I tossed and turned all night and finally made up my mind. I couldn't be a burden to them.

But after I swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills, I "saw" them laughing and having a good time in a luxury apartment downtown.

That was the moment everything finally made sense to me.

All those years, I pushed myself to grow up fast, thinking we were struggling. It turned out to be nothing but a well-staged act.

They were pretending to be poor.

But I was actually dead.

*****

During a break between classes, I suddenly started bleeding from my nose. I went through most of a pack of tissues before I finally managed to stop it.

My friend, Myla Shelton, glanced at my pale face and muttered under her breath, "My neighbor's brother used to have nosebleeds like that.

"Turned out he had leukemia. His family spent every penny they had, but he still didn't make it."

I laughed and called her a jinx, but inside, my heart sank.

Lately, I always felt weak. Even jogging a few steps in gym class left me breathless. There was a random bruise on my knee that wouldn't fade, no matter how long it'd been.

I kept telling myself not to overthink it, so my parents wouldn't worry about nothing, but deep down, the fear was spreading like wildfire.

I was worried that I was really sick.

I slipped away to the community clinic to get my blood tested.

When the doctor saw my test results, his expression got really grim.

He said he couldn't rule out something like leukemia or blood cancer, and told me to go to a real hospital for a full checkup right away.

My heart dropped straight to the floor.

Clutching that weightless test report, my steps were shaky. I had no idea how I even made it back home.

My mom was bustling around the kitchen in her faded apron. When she heard me come in, she called out, "Go wash your hands! I made your favorite chili soup today."

I hurriedly crumpled up the test report and stuffed it deep into my backpack.

After a while, my dad came home too.

He looked exhausted. He took off his old jacket, the cuffs all worn out, and tossed it over the back of a chair, letting out a long sigh.

Mom brought the dishes to the table.

There was salad, chili soup, and scrambled eggs, which was about as much protein as we ever got.

Dad was wolfing down his food like he hadn't eaten all day.

Mom kept grumbling as she ate, saying pork had gone up by twenty cents per pound today.

I poked at my food, barely tasting anything. The doctor's words kept echoing in my head, refusing to go away.

I called out quietly to them as I put down my fork, "Dad, Mom..."

They both looked up at the same time.

"If I got really sick..." I kept my eyes glued to the food, afraid to look at them. "Like cancer, what would you do?"

The whole table went dead silent.

Dad stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth, and Mom's spoon made a sharp clink against the bowl.

"What are you saying?" Mom was the first to react, furrowing her brows. "Kids shouldn't talk about ominous stuff like that!"

"I'm saying, what if what if it really did happen?" I wouldn't let it go, my eyes starting to burn.

Dad put down his fork and gave my hair a rough rub with his calloused hand.

He said, "Barbara, don't let your mind run wild. Right now, your job is to focus on your studies. If that day ever comes..."

He paused. "Don't worry, I'd sell everything we own if I had to get you treated."

Mom nodded quickly, echoing him. "That's right! We'd sell everything we own to get you treated. Now eat up. The food's getting cold."

After that, they moved on.

Dad went back to eating, and Mom put some scrambled eggs on my plate. "Eat up. You need to grow strong."

I listened to them, looking at their faded, washed-out clothes and the plain food on the table.

They said, "We will sell everything if we have to.

"We will not hesitate to help you, even if we go bankrupt."

I slowly picked up my fork, lowered my head, and hid my face in my bowl.

My tears dropped right onto my rice, soaking into the grains before I could stop them.

I stuffed some mashed potatoes into my mouth, choking them down along with my tears.