Chapter 1
On the day we went shopping for school supplies, Mom bought Sophie Lane a laptop worth about 6,700 dollars at the mall.
My dad picked out a suitcase for her, and my brother bought her noise-canceling headphones.
Alex Chapman, my childhood friend, was crouched in front of the shelf, seriously comparing different eye-friendly desk lamps.
"Em's eyes aren't great, so this brightness is right for her," he said.
I felt a brief warmth in my chest.
A second later, he put the lamp in Sophie's cart with a smile. "Sophie, don't push yourself too hard when you're studying at night."
I stood there with an empty cart, like the designated bag-watcher, not really part of the group.
That was when the cashier spoke up. "Hey, aren't you buying anything too?"
Mom just frowned at me, like she'd only just realized I was there.
"Don't you already have an old one? That's good enough for college," Mom said.
I looked down at my phone's notes app.
It had the college shopping list I'd been making for myself all year.
Laptop, privacy curtains, desk lamp, suitcase, sneakers...
Every item had a price next to it.
And I'd crossed them all out, one by one.
Because they always said Sophie was delicate and needed to be looked after.
Because they always said I was the smart one, so a little hardship wouldn't hurt me.
But what they didn't know was that I'd already used my scholarship money to buy myself a one-way ticket out of here.
They packed Sophie's suitcase until it was bursting at the seams.
And I finally packed up and left this family behind.
*****
"Hey, aren't you buying anything too?" the middle-aged cashier held the scanner as she spoke to me.
Mom was busy handing over the latest-model laptop, which cost about 6,700 dollars.
She paused for a moment when she heard the cashier's question.
She turned to look at me, her brows knitting together. "Don't you already have an old one?
"Those things are good enough for college. It's not like you're there to win a beauty contest or anything."
Michael Lane tossed the noise-canceling headphones onto the checkout counter without even looking up. "Em, can you stop acting like this toward Mom in public?
"Why do you even need that stuff? You're a science major, it's just a waste of money on you."
I stood there quietly, not saying a word.
My gaze drifted past them, settling on Alex, who was standing at the register, head down as he paid.
He was gently cradling the desk lamp in one hand, almost protective.
Ten minutes earlier, he'd been crouched in front of the shelf, carefully comparing the color temperatures.
"Em's eyes aren't great, so this brightness is just right for her," he said.
I thought he was picking it out for me.
All through senior year, I'd been grinding away at practice problems every night in the dim hallway, and my prescription had worsened by two diopters.
But in the next moment, he turned and dropped the lamp into Sophie's cart.
"That'll be 9,500 dollars," the cashier announced.
The cashier announced the total.
Alex beat Mom to it and tapped his card before she could.
"I'll take care of it. Just think of it as my back-to-school gift for Sophie," he gave her a gentle smile.
When he looked at me, his expression carried the easy reassurance he assumed would always work.
He said, "Em, the lamp's pretty heavy. Let me carry it back for Sophie first.
"This weekend, I'll take you out for your favorite sweet-and-sour ribs."
I lowered my head and opened my phone's notes app.
On the screen was the college shopping list I'd been putting together all year.
Laptop, privacy curtains, eye-friendly desk lamp, suitcase, sneakers
I used my finger to gently cross out the "eye-friendly desk lamp" on my list.
"No, thanks," I turned off my phone screen, my voice barely above a whisper.
Alex paused, a little taken aback.
He probably never thought I'd say no to sweet-and-sour ribs.
Back then, whenever I felt wronged, as long as he comforted me a bit, I'd keep trailing after him.
"Why are you sulking?" Alex frowned and reached out, trying to ruffle my hair. "Sophie can't handle bright lights, so just let her have it."
I turned my head, dodging his hand.
"Emily!" Dad was holding the brand-new pink suitcase, his face darkening as he walked over. "Alex is being nice and taking you out to eat. Why are you acting all high and mighty?"
Michael sneered, "Exactly.
"You've been picking fights over everything since we were kids, even making a fuss about a desk lamp.
"With those thick glasses, you're practically blind anyway. What difference does a lamp make?"
I stared at them.
I looked at my relatives and at Alex, the childhood friend who once promised to protect me forever.
The weight in my chest disappeared suddenly.
"Let's go," I said.
I turned around and pushed the shopping cart back to its spot.
The mall's air conditioning brushed against my arms, and for the first time, I felt a lightness I'd never known before.
On the way home, Dad was driving.
Mom and Sophie were in the back seat, huddled together, looking over the new laptop's manual.
Michael was in the front passenger seat, playing music through the car's Bluetooth.
I walked over to the car and was about to open the rear door.
But Alex had already slipped inside, clutching the protective bag to his chest.
"Em, scoot over a bit," he moved the desk lamp to the middle seat. "Don't let it press on Sophie's laptop."
The back seat was already cramped.
Silently, I drew my hand back and huddled up in the corner between the door and the seat.
The streetlights outside the window flickered past.
Every item on the list in my notes app had been crossed out.
I didn't need to buy anything anymore.