Chapter 2
I tried so hard to fit in, to win back even a shred of my parents' love. I did everything I could to please them, and put up with Jocelyn's provocations without a single complaint.
But none of it ever worked.
Even the one overseas trip I managed to get—after sacrificing my shot at a top university—was ruined by Jocelyn's tears.
No matter how much I gave, it was pointless, so I might as well just give up.
Luckily, I still had a backup plan.
After pulling myself together, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and got ready to go. Since I was already out here, I should make the most of this trip.
Even though I was traveling alone in a foreign country, at least I didn't have to stress about communication.
I didn't bother apologizing, but I deleted that comment; otherwise, my parents would just start their endless nagging all over again.
From one city to the next, I drifted through endless crowds, just another face in the masses.
I saw parents laughing with their kids, holding their little hands as they enjoyed outings together. I saw beggars curled up on the sidewalk, all alone in the world.
Standing there in the middle of it all, I felt a sudden ache. I had parents, but after I turned ten, it felt like I was just another stray, abandoned and forgotten.
*****
Ten days later, it was time to head back home.
Maybe it was the flight reminder that finally made my parents realize they still had a daughter across the ocean.
My mom called, "Did you have fun abroad? Your flight is today. We'll come pick you up when you land."
After more than ten hours in the air, I stepped off the plane, but my parents weren't there to pick me up.
My mom texted me: [Jocelyn is not feeling well. Your comment made her depression act up again. She doesn't want to see you right now. Just find somewhere to stay tonight.]
I just stood there, completely stunned.
They had left me alone in a foreign country for ten whole days.
And now that I was finally back, they didn't even bother to show up at the airport. They didn't ask how my trip was, or if I was tired from the long flight.
Because Jocelyn said she didn't want to see me, I couldn't even go home.
I had thought that leaving me alone overseas was already heartless enough. Now I finally realized just how much of an outsider I was in this family.
Good thing I'd already made up my mind to give up; otherwise, I'd probably be the one actually dealing with depression right now.
Maybe Dad felt a little guilty, so he sent me 7000 dollars. He texted: [Ruth, don't dwell on it. You know how your mom is since the whole thing with Jocelyn's dad. Just lie low for a few days. Once they chill out, you can come home.]
Seeing my new bank balance, I couldn't help but grin. Just what I needed. I wasn't finished enjoying myself yet.
I threw my backpack over my shoulder, turned around, and headed right back into the airport. It was time for another adventure.
A week later, Jocelyn finally cooled off, and my mom sent me a message. [Look, Jocelyn's decided to let it slide this time. You can come home, but don't you dare set her off again, or else.]
Right then, I was sprawled out on the beach, lazily basking in the sunshine.
After reading her text, I didn't feel angry or bitter anymore. I just shot back a casual reply, [I'll come back in a few days. Wouldn't want to set off her delicate drama-queen feelings again.]
I put my phone on silent, set it aside, and let myself drift off, quietly enjoying the peace.
The sun was shining bright, the sea breeze was gentle, and people were laughing and playing all around me on the beach.
Once I made up my mind to stop trying so hard to please everyone and quit stressing over every little thing, I realized life could actually be this chill.
Lulled by the rhythmic sound of the waves, I drifted off into a peaceful dream.
When I woke up again, my phone was blowing up with a dozen missed calls and a bunch of messages.
Just like I thought, my reply had made my parents go ballistic all over again.
[Ruth, you're not a kid anymore. Can't you be more sensible?]
[Jocelyn is your sister. How could you say that about your own sister?]
[You're an adult now, still throwing a fit. Look at Jocelyn, she's always so sweet and obedient.]
[The tutoring classes are starting soon. Hurry back and help Jocelyn with her study.]
I finally got it. They didn't want me back because they cared about me, or because Jocelyn had forgiven me. They just wanted me to come home and help Jocelyn.
Then came a voice message from Jocelyn, sounding all pitiful. "I'm sorry, Ruth. It's all my fault. If I made you feel bad. I'll just tell Mom and Dad I should move out or something, okay?
"It's all because I suck at school, and now you have to learn with me again. If you don't want to, I won't bother you anymore."
In the background, I could hear my mom's angry voice. "Don't be upset, Jocelyn. I'll never leave you. The application deadline's already passed. What else can she do but learn with you?
"Just ignore her. She'll come crawling back on her own in a few days."
I listened to all that crap and just felt utterly disgusted.