Chapter 1
In 1988, my husband Edward Nash and our son won a major research award, making waves throughout the entire region.
They threw a big party for the neighbors, with twenty tables filled with guests.
While everyone was celebrating at home, I was at the town clinic delivering a baby. No one even bothered to let me know.
By the time I rushed back, the party was already over.
Our son was seeing off the last guest, and Edward just stood there, cold and silent, not saying a word.
That night, I finally decided to give up on them.
I joined a decade-long, closed-off chip research project.
Edward and Lucas just thought I was being moody.
It wasn't until many days later that they happened to notice the flower I cherished most on the windowsill had already withered away.
Edward went to the town clinic to look for me, but was told I was no longer there.
That night, they suddenly panicked.
*****
As I made my way home along the dark, muddy country road, bloodstains still marked my clothes.
I was rushing so fast that I stepped right into a puddle and slipped, landing hard on the ground.
When I finally got to the house, I quickly took off my coat—didn't want the neighbors next door to see me like this and start making fun of me.
As I stepped over the threshold, all I saw was a courtyard in total chaos.
The neighbors had already left.
Grace Turner, Edward's alumnus from Brighton, reached out with her perfectly manicured fingers, about to clear the table.
But before she could touch anything, Edward cut her off in a deep, serious tone.
"Your hands aren't made for chores like this. Leave it be—Claire will tidy up when she gets back."
Lucas, my son, took after Edward—always cold and quiet.
He echoed, "Grace, just leave it.
"My mom's used to this stuff. She does it without a second thought when she gets back."
I'd seen this kind of attitude from them countless times over the years.
But right now, it felt like an invisible thorn was stuck in my throat.
When I finally spoke, my throat stung. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"
The three of them in the courtyard all looked at me, startled.
Grace looked embarrassed.
Edward paused for a second, but didn't look guilty at all.
His tone was as usual—impatient and dismissive.
"You wouldn't understand the research stuff anyway."
Lucas frowned, probably thought I was just being unreasonable again.
He held the glass with only a bit of wine left, poured it on the ground—obviously taking it out on me.
I'd put up with this for years, but in that moment, I just couldn't take it anymore.
When I spoke, my eyes grew misty.
"So this is why you threw a huge party, and even went out of your way to bring Grace all the way from Brighton.
"Everyone else got an invite, but I was the only one left in the dark. Why?
"So as your wife and mother, I'm not even good enough to share a meal with you?"
My clothes were still soaked with dirty water and blood.
I was a mess from head to toe, my body trembling uncontrollably.
There was just the barest hint of guilt in Edward's eyes.
But almost instantly, he got flustered and angry, slamming a few dollars down on the table beside me.
"Making such a scene—aren't you just here for the prize money?
"Here, take it all. Is that enough for you?"
My temples were pounding with anger.
Just as I was about to speak, Edward cut me off, looking like he was about to explode but holding it in.
"Can you give it a rest, will you?
"Claire, I'm taking Lucas and Grace back to Brighton tomorrow morning.
"Just for tonight, can you please let it go?"
Lucas jumped in to defend his dad. "Everyone was actually happy for once today.
"Mom, why do you always have to make a scene?"
I looked up at the tall, lanky boy standing in front of me.
He didn't cling to me anymore, whining for a hug.
He didn't grab my arm, afraid of the dogs on the way to school, begging me to walk him there.
He'd grown up, and turned into someone remarkable.
He got into Brighton University's gifted program, won a major research award while still so young, and became the talk of the town as a genius.
He was becoming more and more like Edward, and cared less and less about me.
I forced down the anger and hurt swirling inside me.
All that warmth in my chest cooled off completely.
I looked at Edward.
In the end, I just nodded quietly. "Fine, I'll shut up."
Edward let out a cold snort.
He led Grace and Lucas inside, making excuses to Grace as he went.
"The countryside's nothing like Brighton. Sorry you have to make do for one night."
They disappeared inside, their voices fading away.
I stood there in the moonlight, surrounded by the mess in the courtyard, just standing there, not moving for ages.
On more than ten tables, the leftovers were starting to congeal in the cold night air.
The ground was littered with cigarette butts, spent firecrackers, and sticky wine.
Suddenly, it hit me—this place was never really my home.
I remembered the year I married Edward.
He brought me here, his eyes red as he spoke.
"I know it's tough for you here, but I'll come back to see you as often as I can.
"Once I've settled down, I'll take you to Brighton with me."
Fifteen years had passed in the blink of an eye.
Alone in the silence, I let out a quiet sigh.
My hands were cold, so I slipped them into my pockets—and my fingers brushed against that letter of introduction.
Back then, I couldn't bear to leave my husband or my son behind.
But now, I guess there was nothing left for me to hold onto.
I gripped the letter of introduction tightly, then scooped up the dollars from the table.
I went inside, grabbed a few things, and left the courtyard in its messy state, not bothering to clean up.
Then I stepped out and walked away.
*****
It had been years since I'd traveled far on my own.
But now that I'd made up my mind and had some money in my pocket, there was nothing left to be afraid of.
I walked for ages under the moonlight, and halfway there, I bumped into an old man riding his three-wheeler toward the county.
I gave him two dollars and asked if he could give me a lift into town.
The old man recognized me.
As he drove me into town, he heard I was planning to take the train to Brighton and kept sighing, telling me not to go.
"So Professor Nash told you not to go, and now you're sneaking off by yourself?
"Young lady, Professor Nash's mom is still stuck at home, bedridden. If you just leave like this, you know he's gonna be mad at you!"
I wanted to explain that I wasn't going to Brighton for Edward.
But the words died in my throat—I knew he wouldn't believe me anyway, so I just kept quiet.
Everyone in the village knew I was hopelessly devoted to Edward.
He barely ever came home, but whenever he did, I'd always beg him to let me go back with him.
Turned out, letting go really was just a split-second decision.
By the time I got to the county, it was already midnight.
I spent the whole night at the train station, and it wasn't until almost noon the next day that I finally got on the train to Brighton.
Packed in with strangers, the train rocking and rattling beneath me, I felt the chaos outside slowly fade as my heart calmed.
For the first time in ages, the anxiety inside me began to quiet down.
I should've left a long time ago.
It took three days before I finally arrived in Brighton.
I went straight to Brighton University, and with the letter of introduction in hand, I found Prof. Brad Miles.
When I walked into his office, there was someone else I recognized besides Brad.
It was Simon Cole, my senior from medical school.
All these years, I'd been living in the countryside.
I raised my son and looked after him.
My son grew up, and my mother-in-law ended up bedridden.
But Simon was now a famous traditional medicine doctor at Brighton Hospital.