Chapter 4

When I got in the car that morning and saw everything, I froze for a second, confused. I asked Carson what was up, and he just shrugged, "Lauren has low blood sugar, so I brought her something to eat. She said she'd never heard the song before, thought it sounded good, so I saved it for her."

He was always distant with everyone else, but when it came to Lauren, he was different. He cared more, every single time.

A bitter ache twisted in my chest. That kind of instinctive favoritism was exactly what I wanted, but someone new got it all instead.

I couldn't even see what made her better than me.

I wanted to blow up, to yell and cause a scene, but I was too afraid of pissing Carson off.

I'd been bottling it up for months, and the more I thought about it, the worse it felt.

That day, the Sanchez family's car came to pick me up again.

I opened the door and spotted a hairpin in the corner. I recognized it right away. It was Lauren's.

Annoyance bubbled up inside me, and I hopped out of the car, sulking.

"I'm done riding with you," I snapped.

Carson was reading, and gave me a puzzled look.

"What's up?" he asked.

"It's filthy in here, such a mess, and none of this is even mine," I snapped.

Carson was sharp. He saw right through my attitude. He just frowned, his eyes darkened.

"You're really not getting in?" he asked.

"Yeah!" I shot back.

"Fine, suit yourself," he said.

He shut the door and drove off without another word.

I ended up missing an entire class that morning, and when I finally walked into the classroom, my eyes were red.

As I came in, my classmates all paused, taken aback by how upset I looked, and their eyes automatically flicked over to Carson.

But he was busy tutoring Lauren on her essay, didn't even spare me a glance.

Lauren noticed me and gave Carson a poke in the side.

"Hey, Jessica's here. Her eyes are all red. Looks like she's been crying," she said.

"Don't bother with her. She's always in a mood," Carson replied.

Carson's cold voice echoed in my ears, making my chest tighten.

A cold emptiness crept from my chest all the way to my fingertips.

Right then, I wanted to give up on this relationship.

But when class ended, Carson actually waited for me on purpose and put a bottle of my favorite strawberry milk right on my desk.

For once, his voice was gentle. "Ready to go? I'll wait while you pack up."

God, I was pathetic. He'd never spoken to me so softly before, and just like that, I went with him without a second thought.

Even though I was still feeling all kinds of frustrated inside, I didn't dare push my luck.

I quietly packed up my things and trailed behind him.

Carson was tall, almost six feet three, and usually walked fast. But that day, he actually slowed down just for me.

I caught that unintentional bit of gentleness, and even though he probably didn't realize it, that small kindness quietly soothed the cracks in my heart.

Whatever, I knew exactly what kind of guy he was.

Besides, the Sanchez family was rich as hell. No way they'd ever let someone like Lauren become their daughter-in-law.

With the Marsh family having everything going for us, I figured I'd always have a shot at cracking Carson's icy shell.

Back then, I was just a dumb kid. I didn't get that being touched wasn't the same as being in love, and that chasing after someone didn't mean they'd ever love you back. But I was stubborn as hell, throwing myself at him, heart first.

Carson's birthday was coming up, and I knew he didn't need anything fancy. So I bought a Suzhou embroidery kit online and spent three whole months, carefully stitching nine jasmine flowers onto a little pouch, every single stitch filled with my feelings.

I wanted to tell him that, just like this pouch, Jessica Marsh would always be there for him, never leaving his side.

But the very next day, I saw Lauren messing around with the pouch, swinging it by the string like she didn't care at all.

It had just poured on the playground, puddles everywhere. Lauren kept spinning the pouch, and just like that, it slipped from her hand and landed straight in the mud.

The dark blue fabric was instantly caked with dirt, and the white jasmine flowers I'd stitched with so much care looked awful now, totally trashed.

Lauren let out a little yelp, shooting Carson an apologetic look as he walked up. "Sorry, I got your thing dirty. Let me grab it."

Lauren bent down to grab it, but Carson caught her hand. "Forget it, it's not a big deal. Go do your homework. I just checked your grades. Your total score dropped three points lately. That's not gonna fly."

Carson pulled her so hard that Lauren accidentally stepped on the pouch, grinding it deeper into the mud.

Carson just shot a look at her shoe, whipped out a tissue, and knelt down to wipe the mud off for her.

I stood a little ways off, watching Lauren, her cheeks pink and her eyes flickering with excitement.

Suddenly, she looked up, and our eyes met.

She tilted her head and flashed me a triumphant, winner's smile.

That moment hit me so hard, I knew I'd never forget it for the rest of my life.

I went numb all over, wanting to scream, to break down and cry, but it was like someone had their hand around my throat. I couldn't get a single sound out. All I could do was stand there, feeling myself suffocate, falling apart inside.

Apparently, a little while later, Carson took Lauren by the hand and led her upstairs, then came back to pick up the pouch, but I didn't see any of that.

After school, I decided to walk home instead of catching a ride.

As I strolled along, watching the scenery and the people passing by, I started to let go, little by little.

Love wasn't something you could force, and I realized I'd just been holding onto it way too tightly.

From that day forward, I made myself give up on Carson and forced myself to let go of all those feelings I'd been clinging to.

I did my best to steer clear of Carson, and stopped going to the Sanchez family dinners whenever they invited me.

Maybe Carson sensed something was different, but he just let it slide.