Chapter 3
Or maybe it was because I remembered that dusk twelve years ago, when he was sixteen, being escorted out of the capital, and the look he gave me when he turned back.
I owed him.
I made him drink some water, cleaned up his wounds, and gave him some medicine.
I stayed up working until late into the night, and his fever finally eased up a bit.
I was utterly exhausted, and I drifted off to sleep while leaning against the edge of the bed.
When I woke again,
He was pinning me beneath him.
His fever had broken, restoring some of his strength. Driven by the instinct of a warrior, he’d sensed a presence beside him and flipped over to pin me down in an instant.
His hand tightened around my throat, eyes blazing red as he glared at me.
"Who are you?" Elias Lockwood growled.
I couldn't get a word out with his hand clamped around my throat.
His grip was frighteningly strong. I struggled to pry his fingers away, and the collar of my robe was torn open.
He glanced down.
Then, he let go.
"You...you are a woman?" Elias Lockwood stammered.
His voice was barely a whisper, as if he was in total disbelief.
The rain raged outside.
I'd rather not get into the details of that night.
He assumed I was just a palace maid in the Imperial Palace.
He was so badly hurt, so out of it he couldn't tell reality from a dream.
And me...
I had a thousand reasons to prevent that from happening.
I was the king. I had a sword within reach, and I could've summoned guards at any moment.
But I didn't.
It has been twelve years.
For twelve years, no one has ever touched me. For twelve years, no one has ever treated me like a woman. And for twelve years, no one has ever let me stop pretending.
That night, the rain drowned out everything.
By the time he woke up the next morning, I was already gone.
I erased every sign of what happened, putting the mask back on and becoming the king Blackwood who sat on the throne.
I thought that night would be washed away, just like the storm.
Until Felix Sterling went down on his knees before me and said,
"Your Majesty, you are with child."
In the Hall of Supreme Harmony.
I undid two buttons on my robe.
A corner of the white silk binding around my chest was revealed.
Elias Lockwood's pupils shrank in shock.
"That's enough," he rasped suddenly. "Stop. Don't take it off."
He turned his back to me.
I caught the slight tremor in his hand as he gripped the hilt of his sword.
The hall was filled with surrendered soldiers and officers kneeling on the floor and all of them glanced at us on the sneak.
"Leave us," Elias Lockwood said, his voice cold as ice. "All of you get out!"
"But, Your Highness" Rocco Carrington, his deputy, hesitated.
"Get out!" Elias Lockwood barked.
Rocco Carrington flinched, then hurried out with his men.
The doors to the hall were shut.
Elias Lockwood stood with his back to me for a long time.
"The Imperial Palace," he finally spoke, each word coming out like it weighed a ton. "That person...was you?"
"It was I," I said, my voice steady.
"You saved me," he murmured. "You gave me water, cleaned my wounds."
"I did," I answered.
"And then you—" He spun around, strode toward me, seized my collar, and hauled me right off the throne. "You are the king?! You are the damn king?!"
His eyes were bloodshot.
Not the red of rage.
It was something deeper, something I couldn't even begin to understand.
"It has been twelve years," he choked out, his voice trembling as he gripped my collar.
"I've hated you for twelve years. I've dreamed of killing you, night after night. I led two hundred thousand men into the capital just to cut your head off right here on this throne"
"And now you tell me you're a woman?"
"And now you're saying you're with my child?"
His voice rose higher and higher, until he was almost screaming.
"Are you mocking me?!" he shouted.
"I'm not screwing with you," I replied, looking him straight in the eye, calm as ever.
"Then why did you not kill me?!" He suddenly released me, stepping back as if burned.
That night at the Imperial Palace, you knew who I was. You had a sword at your side,you could have ended it all, killed me right there. Why not?!
I was silent.
"Answer me!" he shouted.
"Because..." I began, but the words just wouldn't come.
I really didn't know what to say.
Was it because I owed you? Because I felt guilty? Because, in that moment, you seemed just like a common person?
Or maybe it was because
"Because I didn't want to kill you," I said.
He was stunned.
The wind howled outside, making the doors and windows bang loudly.
Elias Lockwood suddenly laughed.
But his smile looked worse than if he'd cried.
"So you really didn't want to kill me, huh? Milo Blackwood,no, what's your real name?" he demanded.
"Milo Blackwood is my name as king," I said. "But as a woman, my name is Clara Blackwood."