Chapter 5
"I checked," he said. "During that time, you weren't seeing anyone. You were home all the time, never went out. Then, all of a sudden, you said you wanted to break up."
He came around to stand right in front of me, leaning in, hands braced on the table.
"Why?" he demanded.
I looked into his eyes.
There was anger, confusion, and something else I just couldn't figure out.
I wanted to tell him.
I wanted to tell him I was sick, that I didn't want to drag him down with me, that those two years at the hospital were absolute torment.
But when I opened my mouth, the words just wouldn't come.
Because I knew it wouldn't change anything.
He already hated me.
He'd already told everyone I was his disgrace.
Saying all this would just make him think I was fishing for pity.
"Felix," I said, standing up and looking him straight in the eye, "let's just leave the past behind."
He stared at me, his eyes red.
"The past?" he laughed bitterly. "You make it sound so easy."
Felix turned to leave.
He stopped at the doorway.
"I've got people coming over tonight," he said without turning around. "You're cooking."
"How many?" I asked.
"Two," Felix replied after a beat. "One's an actress."
My heart sank.
"Got it," I said.
He left.
I stood alone in the kitchen, staring at the untouched bowl of porridge, standing there for what felt like forever.
At seven o'clock, the doorbell rang.
I went to open it.
Standing there was a woman—gorgeous, dressed in a tight dress, her makeup flawless.
I recognized her. She was a rising star, and lately, she and Felix had been all over the gossip columns.
"Hello," she said, giving me a once-over, her eyes full of scrutiny. "Are you the new housekeeper?"
I nodded. "Come in."
She walked past me, her perfume so strong I nearly choked.
Felix came downstairs, smiling when he saw her.
"You made it?" he said.
"Yeah," she said, looping her arm around his. "Did you miss me?"
He didn't answer, just smiled, reaching out to ruffle her hair.
They walked right past me into the living room and made themselves comfortable on the couch.
I asked, "What would you like to drink?"
The actress replied, "Red wine. A 1982 vintage. Do you have it?"
"Yeah, we've got some," I said.
I grabbed the bottle from the wine cabinet and poured them both a glass.
"Where'd you find this housekeeper?" she asked, leaning against his shoulder but shooting me a look. "Doesn't look very professional."
"Found her on the street," Felix replied, taking a sip of his wine.
She traced circles on his chest. "Found her on the street? That's pretty random of you."
He just smiled and didn't say anything.
I stood there with the tray, my face blank.
But then, the pain in my abdomen flared up again.
It hurt so much that my hands started sweating.
"Fine, you can go now," she said, waving me off. "We'll call you if we need you."
I nodded and turned to leave.
As I reached the kitchen doorway, I heard something behind me.
She laughed, all coy and sweet. "Stop it, someone's here."
Then came the sound of rustling.
I didn't look back.
Once I was in the kitchen, I gripped the edge of the stove for support and slowly sank to the floor.
It felt like someone was twisting a knife in my gut, the pain so intense I couldn't catch my breath.
I pressed my hand over my mouth, trying not to let a single sound escape.
I didn't even notice when the tears started falling.
It wasn't the pain that made me cry.
It was remembering how, back then, Felix used to kiss me just like that.
In the kitchen, in the living room, in every corner of the house.
Back then, he used to say, "Sophie, I promise I'll pay you back someday."
Pay me back. This was what he called paying me back.
I pushed myself up, using the stove for support, and wiped my tears away with my sleeve.
Then I heard noises coming from the living room.
She was laughing loudly, totally unrestrained.
I took a deep breath and started washing the dishes.
Halfway through, a sharp pain twisted in my gut again.
I gritted my teeth and turned the faucet on full blast.
The sound of rushing water drowned out my moans.
It also masked—
Felix, sitting in the living room, suddenly looked toward the kitchen.
There was something in his eyes I hadn't seen in a long time.
Heartache.
I barely slept that night.
The pain in my abdomen kept me up the whole night, tossing and turning in bed. I only managed to doze off for a bit when dawn finally broke.
My dreams were all about the past.
The first time Felix called me "Big Sis," he was so shy, like a little puppy.
The first time he tried to cook for me, he nearly blew up the kitchen, and the scrambled eggs he brought out were black as charcoal.
The first time he kissed me was on my birthday, and he was so nervous his hands were shaking.
He said, "Sophie, I'll always take care of you."
Then the scene shifted.
On TV, he was dressed in a sharp suit, staring straight into the camera. "That was the most humiliating part of my past. I was with a sugar mama just for the money."