Chapter 1
The night SAT results came out, I was sitting in the living room with Phillip Rowe, my childhood friend.
My parents were there too, all set to celebrate.
When my twin sister, Lilith Riley, found out she didn't make the cut, she smashed her glass. Phillip immediately crouched down by her feet.
And I was the one left out in the cold.
Phillip told me, "Jade, Lilith's feeling down. Stay quiet tonight.
"No matter how well you did, don't bring it up. Don't rub it in."
For the next half hour, Phillip had been serving Lilith water with care, while I got left behind by them.
This was supposed to be the night Phillip swore he'd celebrate with me after my scores came out.
At ten o'clock, my page refreshed on time.
Lilith was bawling her eyes out across from me.
"I'm done for. With a score like this, I can't get into any decent school," she wailed.
Phillip was wiping her tears, murmuring, "It's okay. Your parents will figure something out."
I stood behind them, listening to my parents talking.
"If all else fails, we'll use the family savings to send Lilith abroad for a break," my mom said.
Phillip kept echoing their words, nodding along and agreeing over and over.
I lowered my head and turned off my phone screen, my score report showing top 1%. Then, I swept up the glass shards at my feet. No one bothered to ask about me.
So that was how it was. They'd made their choice about who to stand by.
It was time for me to pack my bags and start living for myself.
*****
Lilith lifted her head from our mom's arms. "Jade."
Her eyes were swollen and red, and her voice was all choked up and nasal.
She looked past everyone else, fixing her gaze on me.
"Did you check your score report?" Lilith asked. "How was it?"
The ceiling light in the living room was almost blinding.
My mom froze mid-comfort.
Her hand on Lilith's shoulder tightened without her realizing.
My dad took a half-step forward.
His broad back blocked the computer screen, still frozen on the page showing Lilith's failure.
"What could she possibly score?" Before I could open my mouth, my mom interrupted, her tone icy and indifferent.
"She was always average on the practice tests. This time's no different."
Phillip turned his head.
He shifted, closing the last gap in their defensive line, sealing me out.
His brows furrowed. "Jade, Lilith's upset right now."
He kept his voice down, his tone icy. "Don't show off and rub it in."
That was all he saw me as.
I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry.
A month ago, on a breezy evening, Phillip handed me a can of orange soda on the rooftop.
He said, "Jade, no matter what you score, let me know first.
"I'll be there with you when the results come out."
Ten minutes ago, when my phone screen lit up with the news that my SAT score is in the top 1%, I called out his name.
He was crouched by Lilith's feet, and all I got was his back.
He was holding a glass of honey water.
He stepped over the puddle on the floor, littered with broken glass.
No one bothered to notice how close those shards were to my ankles.
I grabbed the broom myself.
Again and again, I kept sweeping.
Every piece ended up in the dustpan.
Those broken shards reflected their happy family, all together without me.
Now, he was standing about six feet away from me, looking straight at Lilith.
"I'm sorry, Lilith," Phillip said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's all my fault.
"If I had spent less time on my own studies and more time tutoring you, your score wouldn't be like this."
Lilith let out a choked sob.
Her fingers twisted Phillip's sleeve into creases.
"Enough, enough, nobody's to blame," my dad said with a sigh.
"It's just the SAT. It's not the end of the world.
"Tomorrow, I'll cash out the savings and sign you up for a high-end coastal art tour.
"Go out, have some fun, and when you're ready to come back, I'll pull some strings and get you into a good school to do the test again."
My mom jumped in, echoing him. "That's right. Go see the world. We couldn't care less about that crappy score."
The four of them started talking as if I were there.
They were busy debating which coastal city to go to and what time to book the flight for in the morning.
Phillip pulled out his phone and started scrolling through travel guides.
"Let's go to Bristov Island," Phillip suggested.
Phillip glanced up at Lilith. "The ocean views there are amazing. Didn't you always want to go there?"
In a tiny living room barely 300 square feet, the fun was all theirs.
I had to scrape together my tuition with summer jobs and scholarships, bit by bit.
But Lilith's failure effortlessly scored her an over ten thousand dollar getaway.
The sunniest room in the house and the master bedroom were always hers.
The tiny storage room I got stuck in never saw sunlight.
I always thought that if I worked hard enough, became the top student, and got very good grades in SAT, they'd finally spare me a bit of light.