Chapter 1

In the eighth year of my husband Alex Holland's return to the family, his mistress finally gave up waiting and got married.

Alex drank himself into a stomach bleed at a bar. He held my hand and spent the entire night telling me how sorry he was to Ember.

Ember Pike was the mistress he had kept on the side.

I had waited through the years, watching her fade from a fresh-faced young lady to one with fine lines etching her face.

Now she could wait no more. She hurried into marriage, and the next day was supposed to be her wedding.

Ember had deliberately chosen my wedding anniversary with Alex for the day, to spite me.

She wanted to tell me she wasn't the loser in this tug-of-war between us.

But I had been waiting for this day for a long time, too.

I sent the video of Ember and Alex to her in-laws and then filed for divorce from Alex.

*****

It was our eighth wedding anniversary since Alex had come back to the family.

It had also been eight years since he cut ties with Ember, his mistress.

I was thirty-five, and Ember was thirty.

We weren't young anymore.

I stopped talking to Alex about the little things in my day.

I didn't get jealous or check up on him anymore.

I had become exactly what he always wanted me to be.

And Alex only grew more attached to me. He had even settled every detail about where the two of us would be buried side by side after we passed away.

On our eighth wedding anniversary, I cooked up a whole feast.

I called Alex.

He didn't pick up.

I kept calling, over and over, refusing to give up.

I had my eye on an apartment uptown. Anniversaries were the best time to talk Alex into buying me things like that.

Normally, I didn't care where he was getting wasted, but today, he had to show up.

"Mrs. Holland, Alex is in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer. Get here now!" It was Neil Richards, Alex's friend, sounding frantic on the phone.

I finished the dinner I had prepared slowly and calmly, then replied that I would be there.

On my way, I got a message from Ember.

Ember: [See? Even after I got married, he still can't stop thinking about me. I did it on purpose to ruin your anniversary.

[If I'm miserable, don't think you'll have it easy either.

[You used your dead child to guilt Alex into coming back to you. You should've seen this day coming. In the dead of night, do you ever think about that poor kid?]

I closed my eyes, my heart clenched.

Soon, I would be able to avenge my child.

*****

When I arrived at the hospital, Neil accused me of taking too long to get there.

"Isn't that what you're here for?" I replied. "I'm not a doctor. What do you expect me to do?"

Neil shook his head, disappointed. "You're Alex's wife. How can you be so careless? If I'd known…"

He suddenly stopped.

I let out a cold laugh and finished his sentence for him.

I said, "If you'd known, you wouldn't have bothered convincing Alex to come back to me. At least then he'd still have someone who knew how to take care of him."

I had heard Neil say this so many times before.

Neil was the one who pushed Alex to cut ties with Ember and come back to me. Now he was the same man who thought I didn't care for Alex as well as Ember had.

Neil used to be relieved when Alex came back to me, but now he kept griping about me every time he was with Alex.

But honestly, I didn't care about Alex's friends' opinions anymore. They could say whatever they wanted.

I figured Alex probably felt the same way.

That was why he never stopped Neil when he spoke like that. He only looked at me with a complicated emotion in his eyes.

Alex wanted me to know what he had given up for me.

Everyone knew Alex's heart belonged to Ember.

I was the one who messed things up, the villain who never appreciated what I had.

"This is between me and Alyssa. Get out." Alex slowly regained consciousness.

Neil, frustrated, looked like he wanted to say more, but Alex's next words stopped him cold.

"Ember, I messed up. Please don't leave me. Don't marry someone else," Alex pleaded.

Alex, still drunk, grabbed the sleeve of my coat. "I can't do it. I can't bear to watch you have children with another man."

It was the first time I had ever seen Alex break down like this. His sobs were muffled and broken, like a string snapped on a worn-out instrument.

All that was left were shaky, trembling sounds, buried deep in his throat, unable to break free.

Alex was so drunk, he mistook me for Ember.

Back when Alex was still with Ember, everyone used to call her Mrs. Holland.

But after he came back to me, nobody called her that anymore. Guess they were afraid it'd hit a nerve.

Neil looked at me with pity in his eyes. "Are you happy now?

"You used your dead kid to guilt Alex into staying with you, and now neither of you is happy. Is this what you wanted, huh?"

I smiled politely. "Yeah, that's exactly what I wanted. Watching them suffer makes me happy."

"You should have died in that hospital bed right alongside that child." Neil stormed out, leaving just me and Alex in the room.

Alex was still holding onto me tightly.

I sat down by his bed, still in his grasp.

Then I slapped him hard across the face.

"Are you sober now?" I asked.

They all wanted me dead, but I was determined to live well, better than all of them.

A bright red mark bloomed on Alex's cheek. "Honey, how did I end up in the hospital?"

"Ember's getting married, and you couldn't stand it. You went drinking with Neil, ended up with a stomach hemorrhage, and now you're here," I replied.

I pulled out my phone and played the recording of his drunken words from earlier, including everything Neil had said to provoke me.

"You still can't forget her," I said.

Alex's face went ashen. "Why don't you care about my health anymore?

"Back when I was sick, it was pouring rain, and you carried me all the way to the hospital. Your heels were all bloody when we finally made it."

I didn't expect that to be the first thing he'd bring up.

That was ages ago, back before Ember ever came between us.

"Guess I was being stupid back then. If I couldn't catch a cab, I should've waited a bit longer, like today. Why go through all that pain?" I said.

Alex looked down, guilt flooding his expression.

He said, "I really don't have feelings for her anymore. Tonight just reminded me of the past, and I got a little sentimental.

"I had no idea Neil was talking about you behind my back. I won't see him again."

I cut off the rest of his words.

I said, "Sign this apartment contract.

"You've already let me down in love. Don't shortchange me in life too."

Alex took the paper and pen as if it were routine for him. But when he signed, his hand paused for a moment, his signature cutting deep into the paper.

"Is this all we have left to talk about now?" he asked.

Since he had come back to me, I had said nothing on the surface but had quietly moved my things into the second bedroom.

His study was still full of gifts Ember had given him, and I never asked about any of it.

We lived like strangers under the same roof, keeping to our own lives and not interfering with each other.

The only time I was nice to him was when I wanted him to buy me something.

"Why is it that no matter what I do, you still won't forgive me? What do I have to do for you to go back to how things were between us?" Alex asked.

I nodded. "If you heard that I drank myself into the hospital on our anniversary because my affair partner was getting married, and you could still stay as calm as I am right now, then I'll forgive you."

"I'm sorry," he said.

I felt a sense of satisfaction as I looked at his signature on the contract, but I couldn't bring myself to say "it's fine."

Alex, pushing his luck, slid his hand over mine, looking at me hopefully.

"Why don't we have a kid, too?" he said. "Neil and his wife already had their second kid."

I let out a sarcastic laugh.

Of all times, he chose now to bring this up.

It was only because Ember was about to have children with another man that he wanted a baby of his own.

I brushed his hand away. "Drop it.

"I can't be as heartless as you. You may not remember, but I'll never forget that child. No matter how many more children I have, none of them will be him."

And it was impossible for me to have his child anyway.

"If you really want a child—" I began.

"No, let's not. Just the two of us are enough. We'll always be together," he cut me off.

Alex pulled me into his arms, desperate, like he was afraid I'd leave him.